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August 13, 2015

She looked at the reflection in the mirror. She looked closely at that face. Same big, brown eyes, same rounded nose, same dark eyebrows, same thin lips, same rosy cheeks, and the same pale skin. None of her features had changed except the length of her hair. She looked at that wooden mirror frame that hadn't even been slightly moved since the day they moved into that house. She looked at the same chipped paint on her bedside that she had been meaning to paint over. She looked at the red velvety carpet on her floor. She looked at the dusty books on the book rack. She looked around. Nothing, NOTHING had changed!.. And yet everything felt different. Everything was different.
……..
The tide in her heart hadn't settled yet. Her smeared mascara had dried up under her eyes. Her lips trembling. Tears dried up. She just gazed into nothingness. Motionless! Images and movements playing in her mind on repeat. Memories, sad memories, hurtful memories of the time she wished she could forget. But how could she? How could she completely erase a scar so deep? How could she ever forget that quiet night of October. The night when she wanted her silence to be heard the most! The night her silent mourn disappeared into the vast pile of sadness.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………
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Full poem:



Colors:

I was 9 years old,
When I sold my nudity
To a man 10 years older,
for some yellow candies.
As he stripped my pink princess dress off
I was no longer
My red cheeks or my big brown eyes
For him,
I was my pink vagina,
I was my ungrown breasts
I was my pale nipples.
An innocent 9 year old was now,
Just. Another. Naked. Female. Body.

I stood there in spotlight
As he touched his private parts
Making faces that I could not recognize
And yet..
I smiled.
I smiled and I said yes, I said yes and I smiled
I said YES.. cause..
That’s what you are supposed to do, right?
Say yes and smile to any man, who
Sugarcoats words and offers them to you like candies
Who calls you the prettiest little girl in the world.

Seven years later, riding my bike through the mustards fields,
The yellow suddenly blinds me.
As the image of him, his face, his grin as he opened his palms
Offering me my favorite yellow candies
Hits me!
The image of him,
as he pushed my head against the cold walls,
As he unzipped his blue jeans,
As he forced himself inside me.
As he pulled my hair from behind,
As he turned my neck, exposing my bare skin,
As his hot breath passed through the nape of my neck,
As he whispered,
“You are a very good girl. You won’t tell anyone about this, right?”

Ever since, I’ve started hating the colors.
I’ve stopped getting up early to see the sunrise,
The orange reminds me of the sweater I wore,
The first time he touched me.
I’ve cut all the roses,
They remind me of him, as he grabbed my breasts
As he pulled back, wiping my blood off his lips
As he sucked the life out of mine.
I hate the green grasses,
They remind me of his evil green eyes,
his pastel green bedroom walls.
I’m scared of the sunsets,
They remind me of everything that I have lost.
My innocence.
My dignity.
That cold December night when I lost my body.

I’ve repainted my house grey now.
I love my barren, lifeless garden.
I’ve put up thick curtains,
And I always make sure that the drapes are shut.
I hate the mirrors. They’re liars!
They see me as my curvy silhouettes but,
I am just my skin and bones.
I don’t have curves,
I have sharp edges.
They’re liars! Colorful, ugly, liars!

I can’t let a lover in
without feeling a strong punch in my gut,
a big lump in my throat
They always come with colors!
Blue eyes or green,
Red shirt or brown
Roses or lilies.
Why don’t you understand that colors scare me?

But,
Loneliness always comes in black or grey,
I’ve found solace in the darkness
It feels like my home now.

Until one day,
When I was 22,
Reading a book at a coffee shop,
The book read
“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
As the echo of my voice said,
“You deserve better! You deserve better!”
I Deserve Better!

The next morning,
I woke up early to see the sunrise.
As I found enough courage in me to open the drapes,
As the first rays of sun touched my skin
Like sunlight, piercing its way through the dark clouds into a gloomy day,
In the reflection,
I saw a Rainbow!
For the first time in forever,
I accepted myself.
I was all my experiences.
I was all my memories.
I was all the reds and the blues and the greens
I was a Rainbow
And
I was Beautiful!
I. AM. BEAUTIFUL!
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Celebrity profile / Re: Salman Khan Craze among Nepali celebs
« Last post by samir211 on April 23, 2018, 02:20:07 PM »
बलिउड अभिनेता सलमान खान जेठ १२ गते नेपाल आउने

जेलबाट छुटेपछि सलमानले गरे यस्तो ट्वीट
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hot 🔥 had found some too

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From News Abhiyan
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ग्ल्यामर्स क्षेत्रमा छुट्टै पहिचान बनाउन चाहन्छु– मोडल सुजिता श्रेष्ठ (फोटो फिचर)
न्यूज अभियान, काठमाडौँ  । ग्ल्यामर्स क्षेत्रमा एउटा छुट्टै पहिचान बनाएर अगाडी बढ्ने सोचका साथ संघर्षरत मोडल सुजिता श्रेष्ठ पनि एक हुन् । आफुलाई ग्ल्यामर्स हट एण्ड सेक्सी मोडलको रुपमा चिनाएर कुशल अभिनयको साथमा सम्पूर्ण नेपालि बीच आफ्नो राम्रो छबि बनाउन चाहने सुजिता श्रेष्ठ आफैमा राम्रो कलाकार बन्न चाहन्छिन ।

सुजिता पछिल्लो समय फोटोसुटमा, सिने कार्यक्रम तथा अन्य म्युजिक भिडियो र व्यापारिक बिज्ञापनमा ब्यस्त देखिन्छिन् । रंगिन संसार तथा सिने संसारमा रमाउन नचाहने मानिस सायद कमै मात्रमा होलान नाम कमाउन अनि चर्चित हुने सबैको चाहना हुन्छ , त्यस्तै चाहना लिएर मोडलिङको भिडमा आफुलाइ स्थापित गराउन सिने जगतमा आफ्नो भबिष्य बनाउने योजनाका साथ अहिले मोडेल सुजिता श्रेष्ठ लागेकी छिन् ।

कुलेखानिकी स्थायी बासिन्दा सुजिता काठमाडौँलाई कर्मथलो बनाएर अहिले आफ्नो लक्ष्यमा पुग्न दिन रात मेहनत पनि गर्दैछिन । त्यसै अनुरुप मेहनत पनि गरि रहेकी छिन् । नृत्य र अभिनयमा पोख्त सुन्दर मुहार र मिलेको शरीर भएकी मोडल सुजिताले केहि  म्युजिक भिडियोमा समेत अभिनय प्रस्तुत गरिसकेकी छिन् ।

आजकालको बढ्दो ग्ल्यामर्स मोह चाहले गर्दा मोडलिङ संसार, रंगिन संसार अर्थात सिने संसारमा रमाउन नचाहने मानिस सायद कमै मात्रमा होलान नाम कमाउन अनि चर्चित हुने सबैको चाहना हुन्छ l त्यस्तै चाहना लिएर मोडलिङको भिडमा आफुलाइ स्थापित गराउन सिने जगतमा आफ्नो भबिष्य बनाउने योजनाका साथ अहिले मोडल सुजिता श्रेष्ठ लागेकी छिन l

आकर्षित मुहार र शरीर तथा हासी रहने शालीन स्वभाबकि सुजिता श्रेष्ठ यदि अन्य कुनै पनि ठाउ बाट म्युजिक भिडियो, टेलिचलचित्र  तथा फिल्ममा अफर आएमा सदैब खेल्ने सोचमा छिन l सानै उमेर देखि कलाकारिता, मोडलिङमा रुचि राख्ने उनको नृत्यमा पनि त्यतिकै रुचि छ, सुजिता श्रेष्ठ अभिनयमा पनि आफुलाइ अब्बल दर्जामा राख्न प्रयासरत छिन  l

मोडल सुजिता श्रेष्ठ भन्छिन, अब मोडलिङमै क्यारिअर बनाएर स्थापित हुन्छु र यहि क्षेत्रमा आफ्नो कलाकारिता क्षमता प्रदर्शन गरेर आफ्नो छुट्टै पहिचान बनाउछु । उनि भन्छिन मानब जीवन भनेको संघर्ष हो मेहनत र परिश्रम गर्दै जानु पर्छ एक दिन अबश्य सफलताको शिखर चढ्न सकिन्छ  जीवनको हरेक मोडमा संघर्ष गर्दै अगाडि बढ्नुनै जीवन हो एक दिन आफ्नो क्षमता प्रदर्शन गरेर आफ्नो लक्ष्यमा पुग्ने दृढ विश्वासका साथ आफु अगाडी बढेको कुरा पनि उनि बताउछिन।

आफु कलालाई सम्मान गर्ने भएकोले कलाकारिता क्षेत्रमा केहि नया कुराको आयाम थप्दै भविष्यमा सम्पूर्ण नेपालीहरुको मन जित्दै एक कुशल अभिनेत्री बनेर राष्ट्रको सेवा गर्नको साथै एक समाजसेवी भएर दुखि पिडितको सेवा गर्ने समेत उनको उदेश्य रहेको छ l   सुजिता भन्छिन्, ‘अब मोडलिङमै क्यारिअर बनाएर स्थापित हुन्छु र यही क्षेत्रमा आफ्नो ट्यालेन्ट प्रदर्शन गरेर आफ्नो छुट्टै पहिचान बनाउछु ।’

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