Nepali Community Forum

xNepali Forum => Fun Stuffs / Literature => Topic started by: xnepali on February 22, 2007, 11:50:46 PM

Title: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on February 22, 2007, 11:50:46 PM
wouldn't you love to sleep there ?
Title: Re: How 'bout this Bed sheet
Post by: r1p2b6 on February 27, 2007, 01:16:21 PM
Thanks Nep
I love
Title: Re: How 'bout this Bed sheet
Post by: Xteam on March 03, 2007, 12:44:17 AM
Thank you nep bro i love to
Title: 1000 ways to open a beer! (video)
Post by: xnepali on March 14, 2007, 04:46:14 AM
1000 ways to open a beer!
Title: Lawyers
Post by: xnepali on March 27, 2007, 10:50:02 AM
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."

Title: In india... How safe are people..
Post by: xnepali on March 29, 2007, 05:06:00 AM
see this video...

such an act should be fairly common to be caught in camera.

These people were nearly killed by the high speed train.

See the video to believe
Title: Re: In india... How safe are people..
Post by: xnepali on March 29, 2007, 05:06:31 AM
People visiting India should see this video and learn a lesson
Title: Re: 1000 ways to open a beer! (video)
Post by: SANIYA4913 on March 30, 2007, 10:21:04 PM
link plz
Title: Re: 1000 ways to open a beer! (video)
Post by: xnepali on March 30, 2007, 10:35:30 PM
link plz

It is a YouTube video.
Don't have download link. If you want I can download youtube video and send you if you like.
Title: Lost child
Post by: xnepali on April 04, 2007, 03:10:13 AM
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees
had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of
the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was
greeted with a child's whisper.

"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mommy there?"
"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, he boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came
the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through
the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are
they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle...

Title: The English Language
Post by: xnepali on April 04, 2007, 03:11:56 AM
Some englishman prepared this document !!

The English Language:
If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

01) The bandage was wound around the wound.
02) The farm was used to produce produce.
03) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
04) We must polish the Polish furniture.
05) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
06) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
07) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
08.) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
09) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
18.) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out , they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?
Title: Re: 1000 ways to open a beer! (video)
Post by: Xteam on April 05, 2007, 11:49:58 AM
great thank you
Title: Re: In india... How safe are people..
Post by: Xteam on April 05, 2007, 11:51:40 AM
Thank you
Title: Re: 1000 ways to open a beer! (video)
Post by: gigolo on April 06, 2007, 09:52:04 AM
nice one
Title: A very intresting love story.
Post by: xnepali on April 11, 2007, 12:35:21 AM
A very intresting love story.
Love story : Hero loves heroine , but heroine loves the villain.
But villain loves hero's sister,and hero's sister loves heroine's brother .
Here, heroine's brother loves villain's sister .
But villain's sister loves hero's brother. Again!, hero's brother is also interested in heroine , and you alredy know that heroine loves villain.
Finally 2 people commits sucide.
Who're they?



Producer and the Director
Title: Re: In india... How safe are people..
Post by: gigolo on April 11, 2007, 02:02:13 PM
flv format ma rahecha file
Title: Re: A very intresting love story.
Post by: gigolo on April 11, 2007, 02:14:58 PM
thanks for sharing
Title: Re: The English Language
Post by: gigolo on April 11, 2007, 02:21:57 PM
nice information
Title: Re: Lost child
Post by: gigolo on April 11, 2007, 02:23:51 PM
hahahahaha nice joke
Title: Re: Lawyers
Post by: gigolo on April 11, 2007, 02:27:09 PM
what kind of lawyer is that?
Title: Shadow figures by hand -- nice ol book
Post by: xnepali on April 17, 2007, 02:57:24 AM
Create Image by hand shadows

Author: Henry Bursill
Publish: Griffith and Farran
Date of the publication: 1859
Language: English
Amount of pages: 32
Format: CHM
Size of a file: 1 Mb

A series of novel and amusing figures formed by the hand
Title: Re: How 'bout this Bed sheet
Post by: gigolo on April 17, 2007, 01:04:46 PM
ghupto parera sutnu
Title: Re: How 'bout this Bed sheet
Post by: Xteam on April 17, 2007, 01:29:56 PM
ha..ha.... tyata pani sochan pugechhan hamro gigolo le ram ram
Title: Re: How 'bout this Bed sheet
Post by: r1p2b6 on April 17, 2007, 01:50:10 PM
Ram Ram Nabhana mitra payou bhane timipani tystai ho
Title: Punishment for the bad conductor
Post by: xnepali on April 18, 2007, 12:18:45 AM
Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The
conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him
capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences,
stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries.

The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center
of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room.

He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

Still you couldn't, Then see below.........

think hard


wanna know the answer????

ok........ here's the Answer............

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!!!!!!

Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on Electricity ???

(somebody called lisa posted it somewhere else)
Title: World-Funniest-Stupid-Hillarious-Email-Compilation-2006
Post by: xnepali on April 18, 2007, 04:26:07 AM

Nice compilation
Title: Re: How 'bout this Bed sheet
Post by: gigolo on April 18, 2007, 02:15:48 PM
tyo mathi xteam bro le ta bedsheet ma sano dhulo banayera sutne hola yaar hahahahahha
Title: Tallest dog in the world
Post by: xnepali on April 19, 2007, 09:29:19 AM
( (
Gibson and Rob

Certified by the Guiness Book of World Records, the tallest dog living is Gibson, a Harlequin Great Dane (see more on Great Danes here), who measured 107 cm (42.2 in) tall on August 31 2004 and is owned by Sandy Hall of Grass Valley, California, USA. When he stands on his hind legs, the 170-pound Dane is more than 7 feet tall, taller than most NBA basketball players. The image to the left shows Gibson standing with his Veterinarian - one of many pictures he takes standing over his subject.

As big as he is, Gibson is just a friendly puppy in a big dogs body, and is active in therapy work, a close knit family life (which includes hording toys from his sisters), and his new found celebrity schedule. Gibson has been featured in several national newspapers and magazines, he's been featured on Larry King Live and has also worked with some of the players from the Sacramento Kings.

Sandy Hall, Gibsons agent and human mom, caught up with us at Big Paws to answer some of our questions about Gibson.

Title: Re: 1000 ways to open a beer! (video)
Post by: xnepali on April 21, 2007, 02:18:01 AM
nice one

Which one?? There are hundreds man... lol
Title: Re: In india... How safe are people..
Post by: xnepali on April 21, 2007, 02:19:35 AM
flv format ma rahecha file

you need flash plugin to play it. .... [or wait till Adobe release its media player .... they are releasing soon .. heard the news!)
Title: guerrilla marketing?
Post by: xnepali on April 24, 2007, 04:15:40 AM
First things first, exactly what is guerrilla marketing? The term now covers a plethora of different marketing techniques but I rather like Marketing Terms' definition, which says "unconventional marketing intended to get maximum results for minimal resources." Now, doesn't that sound like a great approach for cash strapped online businesses?
Take the magazine FHM, who projected a 60-foot high image of Gail Porter's backside onto the Houses of Parliament to promote its 1999 poll to find the world's sexiest women. Then there was IBM who employed a graffiti artist to paint pavements and walls in San Francisco and Chicago with the words 'Peace, love and Linux'. The site sent out fake hitchhikers onto Highway 101 in the States to give out promotional masks to any kind driver that stopped to pick them up. These campaigns all focus on creating a buzz around a product or service; it's then passed on by word of mouth as people talk about in pubs.

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

( (" onblur=try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {})

{got it from some blog.}
Title: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on April 24, 2007, 06:23:40 AM
( (

he he he
Title: More uses of viagra
Post by: xnepali on April 24, 2007, 06:27:31 AM
( (

( (

( (

Title: Re: Well who can do like that ??
Post by: gigolo on April 24, 2007, 02:08:26 PM
water pump can do like that :\
Title: Re: More uses of viagra
Post by: gigolo on April 24, 2007, 02:12:27 PM
hahhaha funny one
Title: Re: Well who can do like that ??
Post by: xnepali on April 26, 2007, 02:58:46 AM
Title: What will happen after sometimes.... [external link]
Post by: xnepali on April 27, 2007, 12:01:38 AM
Found this great photo shots....

Title: Great Data Presentation ... Roller Coaster
Post by: xnepali on May 01, 2007, 05:58:57 AM
US Home prices adjusted for inflation plotted as a roller coaster:
Title: Re: Great Data Presentation ... Roller Coaster
Post by: gigolo on May 01, 2007, 11:39:30 AM
thanks for sharing
Title: Re: More uses of viagra
Post by: dorje on May 03, 2007, 02:26:29 PM
orig... dabai heheh lOL eheheheheh funny man hehehehe
Title: Re: 1000 ways to open a beer! (video)
Post by: SANIYA4913 on May 06, 2007, 06:26:56 PM
link plz
Title: What our office needs!!
Post by: xnepali on May 09, 2007, 12:12:21 AM
( (
Title: Re: What our office needs!!
Post by: gigolo on May 09, 2007, 04:30:06 PM
that's funny hamro office ma testo bhoye ta every 10 mins ma recess linthiye hola yaar drinks ko lagi
Title: Which one do you want to be ??
Post by: xnepali on May 10, 2007, 07:08:02 AM
the one at the bottom or at the top ??

( (
Title: Re: What our office needs!!
Post by: xnepali on May 11, 2007, 12:40:10 AM
that's funny hamro office ma testo bhoye ta every 10 mins ma recess linthiye hola yaar drinks ko lagi

You don't need a recess to have a cup (people don't take recess for a cup of coffee) !
Title: Re: What our office needs!!
Post by: gigolo on May 11, 2007, 04:27:43 PM
when you see a bottle of vodka for free who's just going to have a cup of it?
Title: Re: What our office needs!!
Post by: Xteam on May 11, 2007, 07:41:51 PM
ramro nai bhayo hamro office ma chhain natra bhane kaam chhodi votka peeun basthe holaa
Title: Cool and funny page....
Post by: xnepali on May 25, 2007, 10:16:38 AM
Don't tell me you feel dizzy!
Title: Re: Cool and funny page....
Post by: KiNgMaKeR on May 25, 2007, 10:24:36 AM
good job
Title: Re: Cool and funny page....
Post by: Xteam on May 25, 2007, 04:06:58 PM
well done nep bro........
Title: Match box .... Don't burn the panties !!
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 04:03:33 AM
( (
Title: What the hell are you doing ??
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 04:04:19 AM
( (
Title: Kisses !!
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 04:06:37 AM
Click on the picture and wait for the animation!!
This is gif animation picture

( (
Title: Re: Kisses !!
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 04:07:46 AM
Another kiss clip!

( (
Title: Early in the morning.... kamasutra
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 04:19:06 AM

( (
Title: Re: Kisses !!
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 04:21:08 AM
One more kiss !

Click to see the animation

( (
Title: Touch me not..
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 04:51:25 AM
( (

Title: Re: Touch me not..
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 04:52:16 AM
But.. you can if you have the key !!

( (

Title: Re: Touch me not..
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 04:52:33 AM
Now Figure out the shapes!

( (
Title: Best moment to get a sip !
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 05:01:20 AM
( (

Title: Mom Dad!!
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 05:05:31 AM
( (

Title: Re: Mom Dad!!
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 05:06:13 AM
Good luck sign during their marriage!

( (
Title: Re: What the hell are you doing ??
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 05:08:08 AM
( (
Title: Re: Well who can do like that ??
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 05:09:39 AM
well here is another smart guy !!

( (
Title: have you seen it before ? Bush picture
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 05:12:02 AM
don't know if it is a real shot ..

( (

Title: Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
Post by: xnepali on May 31, 2007, 10:21:43 PM
Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:


I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."  Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas.  When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.  I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
Title: Re: Cool and funny page....
Post by: xnepali on June 01, 2007, 12:14:00 AM
good job
well done nep bro........

Title: Re: Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
Post by: gigolo on June 01, 2007, 10:46:56 AM
sabai bhanda first ko chai maan paryo
Title: Re: Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel
Post by: Xteam on June 01, 2007, 06:38:48 PM
nice one thank you for sharing
Title: man and woman -- life explained
Post by: xnepali on June 01, 2007, 10:40:20 PM
( (

Title: The Ultimate Rejection Letter
Post by: xnepali on June 01, 2007, 10:52:59 PM
The Ultimate Rejection Letter

Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall, Whitson University
College Hill, MA  34109

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16.  After careful consideration, I
regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me
an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters.  With such a varied and promising field
of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at
this time.  Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor
in your department this August.  I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Chris L. Jensen
Title: graphic designer's link
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 02:05:19 AM
cute kid...

Title: Children - Where Do They Get Their Ideas From?
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 02:08:54 AM
Children - Where Do They Get Their Ideas From?

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." she was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move" answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.... "Da-d...."
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?".
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear" she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room".
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy".

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?".
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron.".

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!".
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy".
"I know", she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes", he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' ".
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?".
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy Shit! A talking chicken!".
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Title: Re: Children - Where Do They Get Their Ideas From?
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 02:14:30 AM
......  " son of a bitch " was the best one I like...
Title: Re: Children - Where Do They Get Their Ideas From?
Post by: gigolo on June 02, 2007, 02:53:26 AM
for me was"when you come to spank me can you bring me a drink of water" that was very funny
Title: Life - farmer donkey
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 04:47:48 AM
Title: Geographical Facts of the Sexes
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 05:24:03 AM
Geographical Facts of the Sexes

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa; half discovered, half wild,
naturally beautiful with fertile soil.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America; well developed and open to
trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India; very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France; gently aging but still warm, and a desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain; with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia; lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia; very wide, and borders are now un-patrolled.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran - ruled by a dick
Title: Re: Life - farmer donkey
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 05:30:34 AM
don't complain about your jobs
There are worst jobs arounD
see for yourself
Title: Politics Explained
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 05:42:06 AM
Politics Explained:

    FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

    PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

    BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

    FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

    PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

    RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

    CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

    DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

    PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

    REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

    BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

    PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

    LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

    SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Title: God and computer -- Link
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 05:48:14 AM

Title: Re: Life - farmer donkey
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 05:49:24 AM
Another Chapter in the Battle of the Sexes

   1. NAMES

      If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call
      each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

      If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


      When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

      When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

   3. MONEY

      A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

      A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


      A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

      The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


      A woman has the last word in any argument.

      Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

   6. CATS

      Women love cats.

      Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

   7. FUTURE

      A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

      A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


      A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

      A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


      A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

      A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.


      A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

      A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


      Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

      Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


      Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

      A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


      Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.


A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep,"the wife replied, "in-laws."
Title: Re: Life - farmer donkey
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 05:50:52 AM
Questions to Ponder

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message "one slice"? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart than apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" When, it isn't all right

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

14. How come we never hear father-in-law jokes?

15. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
Title: 101 Things Not To Say During Sex
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 05:58:18 AM
101 Things Not To Say During Sex


1. But everybody looks funny naked!

2. You woke me up for that?

3. Did I mention the video camera?

4. Do you smell something burning?

5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

6. Try breathing through your nose

7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!

8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

10. But whipped cream makes me break out

11. Person 1: This is your first time... right?
Person 2: Yeah... today

12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!

13. Can you please pass me the remote control?

14. Do you accept Visa?


16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!

18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.

19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?

20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!

22. Do you get any premium movie channels?

23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!

24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!

25. Got any penicillin?

26. But I just brushed my teeth...

27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

29. I want a baby!

30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...

33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

34. I think you have it on backwards

35. When is this supposed to feel good?

36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!

37. You're good enough to do this for a living!

38. Is that blood on the headboard?

39. Did I remember to take my pill?

40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...

42. That leak better be from the waterbed!

43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow

45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance...

47. No, really... I do this part better myself!

48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

49. This would be more fun with a few more people..

50. You're almost as good as my ex!

51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?

52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?

53. You look younger than you feel

54. Perhaps you're just out of practice

55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!

56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash

57. Now I know why he/she dumped you...

58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated

60. What tampon?

61. Have you ever considered liposuction?

62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?

64. I have a confession...

65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!

66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?

67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?

68. Is that a hanging sculpture?

69. You'll stil vote for me, won't you?

70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?

71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!

72. Did you come yet, dear?

73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...

74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!

75. Does this count as a date?

76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!

77. Hic! I need another beer for this please

78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?

79. You can cook, too right?

80. When would you like to meet my parents?

81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...
Woman: Yourself?

82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names

84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed

85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?

86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?

87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.

88. Sorry but I don't do toes!

89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!

91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...

92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer"

93. So that's why they call you MR. Flash!

94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

95. Is this a sin too?

96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!

97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?

98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...

99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...

100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

101. You mean you're NOT my blind date?
Title: Pentagon Solutions
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 06:00:59 AM
Pentagon Solutions


Dakota Tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. A recently declassified Pentagon document indicates that people in the Pentagon try other strategies. Specifically there are 23 separate and distinct strategies that people in the Pentagon try when they discover they are riding a dead horse:

1. Buy a stronger whip.

2. Change riders.

3. Say things like, "This is the way we've always ridden this horse."

4. Arrange to visit other sites to see how they ride their dead horses.

5. Increase the standards to ride dead horses.

6. Appoint a Tiger Team to revive the dead horse.

7. Create a training session to increase riding ability.

8. Pass legislation that declares, " The horse is not dead."

9. Harness several Dead Horses together for increased speed.

10. Declare with a policy directive and operating instruction that no dead horse is too dead to beat.

11. Do a cost analysis to determine if contractors can ride the dead horse cheaper.

12. Buy a commercial off-the-shelf dead horse.

13. Declare that the horse is better, faster, and cheaper dead.

14. Form an IPT to find uses for dead horses.

15. Revisit the key performance parameters (KPPs) for dead horses.

16. Say the horse was procured making CAIV-based decisions.

17. BRAC the horse farm on which the dead horse was born.

18. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

19. Name the dead horse "Paradigm Shift" and keep riding it.

20. Ride the dead horse "smarter," not harder.

21. Call the dead horse "joint" and let others ride it.

22. Ride the dead horse "outside the box."

23. Kill all the other horses.
Title: Re: graphic designer's link
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 06:02:21 AM
another when-cloning-goes-wrong
Title: Great quotes by comedians
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 06:14:36 AM

Great quotes by comedians

"If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the
video camera and come help me."
    --Bobcat Goldthwait

 "I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout.  That's
where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my
sister's house and ask her for money."
    --Kevin Meaney

 "My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake
and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned how to swim. I said,
'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.' "
    --Paula Poundstone

 "In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a
single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic?  Do tall
people burn slower?"
    --Warren Hutcherson

 "I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every
other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the
locks, they are always locking three."
    --Elayne Boosler

"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?"
    --John Mendoza

"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a  second."
 --Steven Wright

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat
it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
should give you two weeks' notice. There should beseverance pay, and
before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
    --Bob Ettinger

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills
than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
    --Conan O'Brien

"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the
    --Winston Spear

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's
how dogs spend their lives."
    --Sue Murphy

"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One
day, he took me aside and left me there."
    --Ron Richards

"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up 
something else."
    --Lily Tomlin

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four
people make up 75 percent of the population."
   --David Letterman

"Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Looks like a dog that is  still
far away."
   --Billiam Coronell

"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
    --Rita Rudner

"I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific."
    --Lily Tomlin

"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war.
Pretty impressive.  Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little
Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there.
Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me,
the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe 
clippers right here.'"
    --Jerry Seinfeld

"I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed
    --Steven Wright

"I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them
above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!' "
    --Bruce Baum

"I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don't
know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You
know these kind of girls: 'I'm hot. I'm on fire. Me, me, me.' You know.
'Help me, put me out.' Come on, could we talk about me just a little
    --Garry Shandling

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York
said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't
cold enough. Let's go west.'"
    --Richard Jeni

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
    --Paul Rodriguez

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my
fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner."
    --Lynda Montgomery
Title: Re: Children - Where Do They Get Their Ideas From?
Post by: xnepali on June 02, 2007, 06:15:06 AM
for me was"when you come to spank me can you bring me a drink of water" that was very funny

That is also nice....
Title: Re: Great quotes by comedians
Post by: r1p2b6 on June 03, 2007, 09:52:59 AM
Title: What if people bought cars like they buy computers?
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 12:15:06 AM
What if people bought cars like they buy computers?

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers - but imagine if they did...

    "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
    "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
    "Did you put the key in the ignition and turn it?"
    "What's an ignition?"
    "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
    "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"

    "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
    "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
    "Is the gas tank empty?"
    "Huh? How do I know?"
    "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
    "I see an 'E' but no 'F'."
    "You see the 'E' and just to the right is the 'F'."
    "No, just to the right of the first 'E' is a 'V'."
    "A 'V'?!?"
    "Yeah, there's a 'C', an 'H', the first 'E', then a 'V', followed by 'R', 'O', 'L' ..."
    "No, no, no sir! That's the front of the car. When you sit behind the steering wheel, that's the panel I'm talking about."
    "That steering wheel thingy -- Is that the round thing that honks the horn?"
    "Yes, among other things."
    "The needle's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
    "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."
    "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"

    "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
    "Your cars suck!"
    "What's wrong?"
    "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
    "What were you doing?"
    "I wanted to go faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't even start up!"
    "I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if you misuse the product."
    "Misuse it? I was just following this damned manual of yours. It said to make the car go to put the transmission in 'D' and press the accelerator pedal. That's exactly what I did -- now the damn thing's crashed."
    "Did you read the entire operator's manual before operating the car sir?"
    "What? Of course I did! I told you I did EVERYTHING the manual said and it didn't work!"
    "Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't crash?"
    "How do you do THAT?"
    "You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's on page 14. The pedal next to the accelerator."
    "Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read this manual you know."
    "Of course not. What do you expect us to do about it?"
    "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that goes fast and won't crash anymore!"

    "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
    "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
    "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
    "How do I work it?"
    "Do you know how to drive?"
    "Do I know how to what?"
    "Do you know how to DRIVE?"
    "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"
Title: IDOT test.... play
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 12:22:57 AM
Let's see how far you can go !!
Title: Re: IDOT test.... play
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 12:23:26 AM
can you do it?
Title: Eleven Things You'll never learn in school
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 12:30:20 AM
    Life is not fair - get used to it.

    The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

    You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with car phone, until you earn both.

    If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure.

    Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping they called it Opportunity.

    If you mess up,it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

    Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

    Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

    Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.

    Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

    Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Bill Gates spoke before a group of high school students and gave them his eleven rules of life. The rules are taken from the book "Dumbing Down our Kids" by educator Charles Sykes. It is a list of eleven things you did not learn in school and directed at high school and college grads.
Title: Re: Eleven Things You'll never learn in school
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 12:30:39 AM
got it from :
Title: Re: IDOT test.... play
Post by: gigolo on June 05, 2007, 12:33:08 PM
brilliant ma pugge ma ta last ma red circle button for restart cha hahahaha
Title: Re: IDOT test.... play
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 11:15:15 PM
brilliant ma pugge ma ta last ma red circle button for restart cha hahahaha


I have to start again..... crossed 2 levels
Title: Funny computer users !!
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 11:16:04 PM
( (
Title: Re: Funny !!
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 11:16:54 PM
Very funny com-puter nerd !!

( (
Title: Re: Funny !!
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 11:17:22 PM
( (
Title: Re: Funny !!
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 11:17:39 PM
( (
Title: Re: Funny !!
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 11:18:18 PM
( (
Title: Re: Funny !!
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 11:18:33 PM
( (
Title: Re: Funny !!
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 11:19:31 PM
( (
Post by: xnepali on June 05, 2007, 11:34:22 PM

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is, like, night
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
Title: Great Truths
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 12:46:23 AM

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
Title: Re: Great Truths
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 12:46:36 AM
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
Title: Re: Great Truths
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 12:46:48 AM
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, ! but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
Title: Re: Great Truths
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 12:47:00 AM
1) You believe in Santa.
2) You don't believe in Santa.
3) You are Santa.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
Title: Re: Great Truths
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 12:47:11 AM
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . going all the way.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
Title: Re: Great Truths
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 12:47:24 AM
Title: Bloody Immigrants !
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 03:56:45 AM
( (
Title: Kuro and Kulo ...
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 04:15:59 AM
( (
Title: 21 Reasons why I am happy without a Girlfriend
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 04:18:06 AM
Top 13 Worst Slogan Translations Ever
I wonder if these companies just Babelfished the slogans into another language.

13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."

12) Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux."

11) Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."

10) Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

9) Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.

8) When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't read.

7) Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6) Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken," was translated into Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."

5) When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.

4) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).

3) The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read "Are You Lactating?"

2) General Motors had a very famous fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Central and South America. "No va" in Spanish means, "It Doesn't Go".

1) The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", meaning "Bite the Wax Tadpole" or "Female Horse Stuffed with Wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokoukole", translating into "Happiness in the Mouth."

source (
Title: True Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:02:13 AM
 In 21 states, Wal-Mart is the single largest employer.

One of Hewlett Packard's first ideas was an automatic urinal flusher.

As you age, your eye color gets lighter.

There are more cars in Southern California than there are cows in India.

The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows.

The province of Alberta, Canada is completely free of rats.

Illinois has the most personalized license plates of any state.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

The international telephone dialing code for Antarctica is 672.

The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.

There are 206 bones in the adult human body, but 300 in children (some of the bones fuse together as a child grows).

Fleas can jump 130 times higher than their own height. In human terms this is equal to a 6 foot person jumping 780 feet into the air.

Snakes are true carnivores as they eat nothing but other animals. They do not eat any type of plant material.

There are no venomous snakes in Maine.

The blue whale can produce sounds up to 188 decibels. This is the loudest sound produced by a living animal and has been detected as far away as 530 miles.

The human eye blinks an average of 4,200,000 times a year.

It takes approximately 12 hours for food to entirely digest.

Erosion at the base of Niagara Falls (USA) undermines the shale cliffs and as a result, the falls have receded approximately 7 miles over the last 10,000 years.

The longest living cells in the body are brain cells which can live an entire lifetime.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

North Dakota has never had an earthquake.

Alexander Graham Bell (who invented the telephone) also set a world water-speed record of over seventy miles an hour at the age of 72.

Title: Re: True Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:02:31 AM
There is enough fuel in a full tank of a jumbo jet to drive an average car four times around the world.

Hawaii is moving toward Japan 4 inches every year.

Chimps are the only animals that can recognize themselves in a mirror.

The leg bones of a bat are so thin that no bat can walk.

There are more living organisms on the skin of a single human being than there are human beings on the surface of the earth.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

Almonds are members of the peach family.

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

One person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

Lorne Greene had one of his nipples bitten off by an alligator while he was host of "Lorne Greene's Animal Kingdom".

The dot that appears over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

All major league baseball umpires must wear black underwear while on the job (in case their pants split).

The Spanish word esposa means "wife." The plural, esposas, means "wives," but also "handcuffs."

If all Americans used one third less ice in their drinks the United States would become a net exporter instead of an importer of energy.

If the Nile River were stretched across the United States, it would run nearly from New York to Los Angeles.

San Francisco cable cars are the only National Monuments that move.

The Hoover Dam was built to last 2,000 years. Its concrete will not be fully cured for another 500 years.

Abraham Lincoln's dog, Fido, was assassinated too.

All of David Letterman's suits are custom made - there are no creases in his suit trousers.

Cranberry Jell-O is the only flavor that contains real fruit flavoring.

Fewer than half of the 16,200 major league baseball players have ever hit a home run.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Richard Versalle, a tenor performing at New York's Metropolitan Opera House, suffered a heart attack and fell 10 feet from a ladder to the stage just after singing the line "You can only live so long."

If the entire population of earth was reduced to exactly 100 people, 51% would be female, 49% male; 50% of the world's currency would be held by 6 people, one person would be nearly dead, one nearly born.

In 1920, Babe Ruth out-homered every American League team.

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.

Toxic house plants poison more children than household chemicals.

The original name of Bank of America was Bank of Italy.

The ant, when intoxicated, will always fall over to its right side.

The California Department of Motor Vehicles has issued six driver's licenses to six different people named Jesus Christ.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike each year than all the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

People in China and Japan die disproportionately on the 4th of each month because the words death and four sound alike, and they are represented by the same symbol.

Chicago is closer to Moscow than it is to Rio de Janeiro.

Dogs have two sets of teeth, just like humans. They first have 30 "puppy" teeth, then 42 adult teeth.

In 1950, President Harry Truman threw out the first ball twice at the opening day Washington DC baseball game; once right handed and once left handed.

A Swiss ski resort announced it would combat global warming by wrapping its mountain glaciers in aluminum foil to keep them from melting.

The chameleon has a tongue that is one and a half times the length of his body.

Beethoven dipped his head in cold water before he composed.

There once was a town named "6" in West Virginia.

Ten years ago, only 500 people in China could ski. This year, an estimated 5,000,000 Chinese will visit ski resorts.

In 1920, Babe Ruth broke the single season home run record, with 29. The same year, he became the first major leaguer to hit 30 home runs. The same year, he became the first major leaguer to hit 40 home runs. The same year, he became the first major leaguer to hit 50 home runs.

A Nigerian woman was caught entering the UK with 104 kg of snails in her baggage.

Profanity is typically cut from in-flight movies to make them suitable for general audiences. Fox Searchlight Pictures has substituted "Ashcroft" for "A**hole" in the movie Sideways when dubbed for Aerolineas Argentinas flights.

Author Hunter S. Thompson, who committed suicide recently, wanted to be cremated and his ashes to be shot out of a cannon on his ranch.

Title: Re: True Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:02:45 AM
Sports Illustrated magazine allows subscribers to opt out of receiving the famous swimsuit issue each year. Fewer than 1% choose this option.

There is a company that will (for $14,000) take your ashes, compress them into a synthetic diamond to be set in jewelry for a loved one.

The RIAA sued an 83 year old woman for downloading music illegally, even though a copy of her death certificate was sent to the RIAA a week before it filed the suit.

Two 1903 paintings recently sold at auction for $590,000 - the paintings were in the famous "Dogs Playing Poker" series.

Russian scientists have developed a new drug that prolongs drunkenness and enhances intoxication.

Romanian firefighters could not get their trucks close enough to a burning building, so they put out the fire by throwing snowballs at it.

A perfect SAT score is 1600 combined. Bill Gates scored 1590 on his SAT. Paul Allen, Bill's partner in Microsoft, scored a perfect 1600. Bill Cosby scored less than 500 combined.

Motorists traveling outside Salem, Oregon saw one of the "litter cleanup" signs crediting the American Nazi party. Marion County officials had no choice but to let that group into the adopt-a-road program. The $500 per sign was picked up by Oregon taxpayers. The Ku Klux Klan is also involved in the adopt-a-road program in the state of Arkansas.

Spam filters that catch the word "cialis" will not allow many work-related e-mails through because that word is embedded inside the word "specialist".

McDonald's restaurants will buy 54,000,000 pounds of fresh apples this year. Two years ago, McDonald's purchased 0 pounds of apples. This is attributed to the shift to more healthy menu options (the Apple Pie, which has been at McDonald's for years uses processed Apple Pie Filling).

The biggest dog on record was an Old English Mastiff that weighed 343 pounds. He was 8 feet, 3 inches from nose to tail.

Mailmen in Russia now carry revolvers after a recent decision by the government.

All of Queen Anne's 17 children died before she did.

There are over 87,000 Americans on waiting lists for organ transplants.

American made parts account for only 1% of the Chrysler Crossfire. 96% of the Ford F-150 Heritage Truck is American.

A Dutch court ruled that a bank robber could deduct the 2,000 Euros he paid for his pistol from the 6,600 Euros he has to return to the bank he robbed.

Only 6% of the autographs in circulation from members of the Beatles are estimated to be real.

The time spent deleting SPAM costs United States businesses $21.6 billion annually.

60.7 percent of eligible voters participated in the 2004 presidential election, the highest percentage in 36 years. However, more than 78 million did not vote. This means President Bush won re-election by receiving votes from less than 31% of all eligible voters in the United States.

John Quincy Adams, sixth president of the United States, loved to skinny dip in the Potomac River.

La Paz, Bolivia has an average annual temperature below 50 degrees Fahrenheit. However, it has never recorded a zero-degree temperature. Same for Stanley, Falkland Islands and Punta Arenas, Chile.

41% of Chinese people eat at least once a week at a fast food restaurant. 35% of Americans do.

A Wisconsin forklift operator for a Miller beer distributor was fired when a picture was published in a newspaper showing him drinking a Bud Light.

G-rated family films earn more money than any other rating. Yet only 3% of Hollywood's output is G-rated.

Richard Hatch, winner of the first "Survivor" reality series, has been charged with tax evasion for failing to report his $1,000,000 prize.

The entire fleet of Unicoi County Tennessee's salt trucks was rendered out of commission in one accident. All three trucks were badly damaged when one of them began skidding down a road, causing a chain reaction accident. Officials blamed road conditions.

More people study English in China than speak it in the United States of America (300 million).

Fast food provider Hardee's has recently introduced the Monster Thickburger. It has 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat.

More than 2,500 left-handed people are killed each year from using products that are made for right-handed people.

For every person on earth, there are an estimated 200 million insects.

There are 2,000,000 millionaires in the United States.

1.5 million Americans are charged with drunk driving each year.

A Georgia company will mix your loved one's ashes with cement and drop it into the ocean to form an artificial reef.

The Washington Times newspaper is owned by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon.

The busiest shopping hour of the holiday season is between 3:00 pm and 4:00 pm on Christmas Eve.

In 2002, women earned 742,000 bachelor's degrees. Men earned only 550,000 during the same year. The difference is growing so large that many colleges now practice (quietly) affirmative action for male applicants.

Most of the deck chairs on the Queen Mary 2 have had to be replaced because overweight Americans were breaking them.

Actor Bill Murray doesn't have a publicist or an agent.

The day after President George W. Bush was reelected, Canada's main immigration website had 115,000 visitors. Before Bush's re-election, this site averaged about 20,000 visitors each day.

Only 30% of stolen artwork worth more than $1,000,000 each is recovered.

The typical American child receives 70 new toys a year, most of them during the holiday season.

90% of Canada's 31,000,000 citizens live within 100 miles of the U.S. border.

Costco is the largest wine retailer in the United States. Annual wine sales are about $700 million.

The worst air polluter in the entire state of Washington is Mount St. Helens.

There are less than 100 surviving American World War I veterans.

Actor Bruce Willis has filed a lawsuit against the movie studio that produced his film "Tears of the Sun", alleging he was struck in the forehead by a fake bullet. Since 2002 (when the movie was in production), the lawsuit claims he has endured "extreme mental, physical, and emotional pain and suffering".

A ten year old mattress weighs double what it did when it was new, because of the -ahem- debris which is absorbed through the years. That debris includes dust mites (their droppings and their decaying bodies), mold, millions of dead skin cells, dandruff, animal and human hair, secretions, excretions, lint, pollen, dust, soil, sand and a lot of perspiration, of which the average person loses a quart per day. Good night!

About 20% of gift cards never are redeemed at the full value of the card.

John Kerry's hometown newspaper, the Lowell Sun, endorsed George W. Bush for president in 2004. Bush's hometown newspaper, the Lone Star Iconoclast, endorsed John Kerry for president in 2004.

Only 939 of the 1,400,000 high school seniors who took the SAT in 2004 got a perfect score of 1600. Two of them are twin brothers Dillon and Jesse Smith from Long Island, NY.

Billboard magazine has recently launched a top 20 chart of cell phone ringtones.

The US Army is handing out $2,500 to Fallujah residents whose property was destroyed by US planes and artillery.

George W. Bush, who presents himself as a man of faith, rarely goes to church. Yet he received votes from nearly two out of three voters who attend church at least once a week.

In 2015, it is estimated that half the federal budget will be spent on programs for the elderly.

A private elementary school in Alexandria, Virginia, accidentally served margaritas to its schoolchildren, thinking it was limeade.

The Chicago Cubs are suing former Hartford Courant newspaper carrier Mark Guthrie to get back $301,000 in pay that was intended to go to a Cubs pitcher with the same name. The Tribune Company owns both the Hartford Courant and the Chicago Cubs.

In February 2004, a Disney World employee was killed when he fell from a parade float and was trapped between two float sections. OSHA termed this a serious workplace violation, but Disney was fined only $6,300.

Even today, 90% of the continental United States is still open space or farmland.

The second Saturday in September is usually a popular time for weddings. Not in 2004, as most couples did not want their anniversaries on September 11.

Mel Gibson has personally earned almost $400,000,000 from his movie "The Passion of the Christ".

Austin High School in Texas has removed candy from its vending machines. Now some enterprising students are earning $200 per week dealing in black market candy.

In 2004, Virgin Atlantic Airlines introduced a double bed for first class passengers who fly together.

The world's largest book, "Bhutan: A Visual Odyssey" is in a Chicago public library. The book measures 5 feet tall by 7 feet wide when open. It weighs 133 pounds.

If the recent U.S. election was held in Canada, John Kerry would have beaten George Bush in a landslide - 64% to 19%.

Oprah Winfrey and Elvis Presley are distant cousins.

55% of Americans claim they would continue working even if they received a $10,000,000 lottery prize.

The company that manufactures the greatest number of women's dresses each year is Mattel. Barbie's got to wear something.

All radios in North Korea have been rigged so listeners can only receive a North Korean government station. The United States recently announced plans to smuggle $2,000,000 worth of small radios into the country so North Koreans can get a taste of (what their government calls) "rotten imperialist reactionary culture".

La Paz, Bolivia is the world's most fireproof city. At 12,000 feet about sea level, the amount of oxygen in the air barely supports a flame.

The estates of 22 dead celebrities earned over $5 million in 2004. These celebrities include Elvis Presley, Dr. Seuss, Charles Schulz, J.R.R. Tolkien and John Lennon.

George Washington spent about 7% of his annual salary on liquor.

Each year, more people are killed by teddy bears than by grizzly bears.

If you disassembled the Great Pyramid of Cheops, you would get enough stones to encircle the earth with a brick wall twenty inches high.

Nearly one third of New York City public school teachers send their own children to private schools.

The New York City Police Department has a $3.3 billion annual budget, larger than all but 19 of the world's armies.

CBS's fine for Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" in the 2004 Super Bowl show was $550,000. This could be paid with only 7.5 seconds of commercial time during the same Super Bowl telecast.

In September 2004, a Minnesota state trooper issued a speeding ticket to a motorcyclist who was clocked at 205 mph.

Al Gore's roommate in college (Harvard, class of 1969) was Tommy Lee Jones.

In her later years, Florence Nightingale kept a pet owl in her pocket.

The New York Jets were unable to find hotel rooms for a game in Indianapolis recently because they had all been booked up by people attending Gencon, a gaming convention.

China is the world's largest market for BMW's top of the line 760Li. This car sells for $200,000 in China - more than almost all people in China make in a lifetime.

A chef's hat is shaped the way it is for a reason: its shape allows air to circulate around the scalp, keeping the head cool in a hot kitchen.

Life expectancy for Russian men has actually gone down over the past 40 years. A Russian male born today can expect to live an average 58 years.

Each year, sixteen million gallons of oil run off pavement into streams, rivers and eventually oceans in the United States. This is more oil than was spilled by the Exxon Valdez.

An employee of the Alabama Department of Transportation installed spyware on his boss's computer and proved that the boss spent 10% of his time working (20% of time checking stocks and 70% of the time playing solitaire). The employee was fired, the boss kept his job.

In 1985, the most popular waist size for men's pants was 32. In 2003, it's 36.

Solid structures (parking lots, roads, buildings) in the United States cover an area the size of Ohio.

A Brussels Airlines flight to Vienna was aborted because the pilot was attacked in the cockpit. The attacker was a passenger's cat, who got out of its travel bag.

Physicists have already performed a simple type of teleportation, transferring the quantum characteristics of one atom onto another atom at a different location.

At General Motors, the cost of health care for employees now exceeds the cost of steel.

There is a regulation size half-court where employees can play basketball inside the Matterhorn at Disneyland.

One of pitcher Nolan Ryan's jockstraps recently sold at auction for $25,000.

Television stations hung banners at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, including Al-Jazeera, until it was noticed and taken down.

A woman was chewing what was left of her chocolate bar when she entered a Metro station in Washington DC. She was arrested and handcuffed; eating is prohibited in Metro stations.

The New York City subway system, in an effort to raise revenue, is considering selling sponsorships of individual stations to corporations. Riders could soon be getting off at Nike Grand Central Station or Sony Times Square.

The Nike swoosh was designed by a Portland State University student, and purchased by Nike for $35.

Gerald Ford once worked as a cover model for Cosmopolitan magazine.

Gillette spent $1,000,000 to place razor samples in the welcome bags handed out at the Democratic National Convention, only to have them confiscated as they were considered a threat. This caused huge delays at all security checkpoints.

Quebec City, Canada, has about as much street crime as Disney World.

Jim Carrey voted in 2004 at the Beverly Hills City Hall. He had an assistant wait in line for him, however.

As part of a charity event, 500 cats were spayed and neutered in the cafeteria of an elementary school. School was cancelled for days and $10,000 was spent on cleaning and sterilizing the room.

Title: Re: True Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:03:01 AM
The United States has five percent of the world's population, but twenty-five percent of the world's prison population.

Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.

The largest McDonald's is in Beijing, China - measuring 28,000 square feet. It has twenty nine cash registers.

A house in Baghdad worth $15,000 before the Iraq war now sells for $120,000 to $150,000.

There are between 5,000 and 7,000 tigers kept as pets in the United States.

The fertility rate in states that voted for George Bush is 12% higher than states that favored John Kerry.

The chicken is one of the few things that man eats before it's born and after it's dead.

The number of US college students studying Latin is three times the number studying Arabic.

In 2004, one in six girls in the United States enter puberty at age 8. A hundred years ago, only one in a hundred entered puberty that early.

If you hook Jell-O up to an EEG, it registers movements almost identical to a human adult's brain waves.

Some dogs can predict when a child will have an epileptic seizure, and even protect the child from injury. They're not trained to do this, they simply learn to respond after observing at least one attack.

32 out of 33 samples of well-known brands of milk purchased in Los Angeles and Orange counties in California had trace amounts of perchlorate. Perchlorate is the explosive component in rocket fuel.

The remains of 125 people will be launched into space where they will orbit the Earth for centuries.

The leading cause of on-the-job deaths in workplaces in America is homicide.

So far, Congress has authorized $152,600,000,000 for the Iraq war. This is enough to build over 17,500 elementary schools.

Americans take an average of just ten days per year vacation. In France, the law guarantees everyone five weeks of vacation, and most full-time workers get two full months vacation.

The IRS admits that one in five people who call their help line get the wrong answer to their question.

20% of Americans think that the sun orbits around the Earth.

Van Halen singer David Lee Roth trained to be an EMT in New York City, and planned to be certified by November 2004.

The thong accounts for 25% of the United States women's underwear market.

On average, 40% of all hotel rooms in the United States remain empty every night.

When you hear a bullwhip snap, it's because the tip is traveling faster than the speed of sound.

There is a new television show on a British cable called "Watching Paint Dry". Viewers watch in real-time. Gloss, semi-gloss, matte, satin, you name it. Then viewers vote out their least favorite.

The largest ocean liners pay a $250,000 toll for each trip through the Panama Canal. The canal generates fully one-third of Panama's entire economy.

French author Michel Thaler published a 233 page novel which has no verbs.

The spring thaw finally allows cemeteries in Alaska to start digging graves for those who died during the winter.

When Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen turn 18 in mid-2004, they will take official control of a company worth more than the gross national product of Mongolia. Their earnings in 2003 topped $1 billion.

Orthodox rabbis warned that New York City drinking water might not be kosher; it contains harmless micro-organisms that are technically shellfish.

David Bowie thinks he is being stalked by someone who is dressed like a giant pink rabbit. Bowie has noticed the fan at several recent concerts, but he became alarmed when he got on a plane and the bunny was on board.

A party boat filled with 60 men and women capsized in Texas after all the passengers rushed to one side as the boat passed a nude beach.

In 1997, a woman in Bradenton, Florida lost her cat. In 2004, she got a call from the local animal shelter. The cat turned up wandering the streets in San Francisco, California. The cat's identity was proven with a microchip that had been implanted prior to 1997.

Almost 20% of the billions of dollars American taxpayers are spending to rebuild Iraq are lost to theft, kickbacks and corruption.

The treasury department has more than twenty people assigned to catching people who violate the trade and tourism embargo with Cuba. In contrast, it has only four employees assigned to track the assets of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.

There are 40,000 New York City cab drivers, who collectively drive more than a million miles each day.

An estimated 800,000 senior citizens voluntarily give up their driving privileges each year. The average age at which they surrender the wheel is 85.

More than 8,100 US troops are still listed as missing in action from the Korean war.

3,400,000 Americans are considered "Extreme Commuters". These people commute over 90 minutes round trip every day to work.

82% of Americans made a purchase at Wal-Mart in 2002.

Oslo, Norway is the world's most expensive city. A gallon on gas costs almost $5, and it costs $1.32 to use the public restrooms.

Villanova University's commencement speaker this year is the actor who plays Big Bird.

In 1965, auditions were held for the "Monkees" TV show. Some of the people who responded (but were not hired) were Stephen Stills, Harry Nilsson, Paul Williams and Charles Manson.

Kevin Spacey's older brother is a professional Rod Stewart impersonator.

71% of office workers stopped on the street for a survey agreed to give up their computer passwords in exchange for a chocolate bar.

George W. Bush and John Kerry are 16th cousins, three times removed.

If current trends continue, Medicare costs will absorb 51% of all income tax revenues by 2042.

The prison system is the largest supplier of mental health services in America, with 250,000 Americans with mental illness living there.

Newest trend in the Netherlands: Tiny jewels implanted directly into the eye.

Researchers have found that doctors who spend at least three hours a week playing video games make about 37% fewer mistakes in laparoscopic surgery than surgeons who didn't play video games.

Before he had his own show, Jerry Seinfeld appeared on three episodes of the TV show "Benson" as the governor's speechwriter.

There are 1,008 McDonald's franchises in France.

Hostess Twinkies were originally filled with banana filling. The filling was changed during World War II when the United States experienced a banana shortage.

World War II veterans are now dying at the rate of about 1,100 each day.

George W. Bush is probably going to be the eighth president in US history to have completed a term in office without ever having issued a single veto.

A deployed air bag adds as much as $2,000 to the cost of repairing a vehicle. That's enough for insurance companies to often declare the car "totaled".

For the first time in history, the number of people on the planet aged 60 or over will soon surpass those under 5.

A British gymnast survived a fall from a fourth story window because he went into a somersault and came down on two feet.

One out of five people in the world (1.1 billion people) live on less than $1 per day.

The Swedish pop group ABBA recently turned down an offer of $2 billion to reunite.

The New Yorker magazine now has more subscribers in California than New York.

Five years ago, 60% of all retail purchases were made with cash or check. Now it's 50%. By 2010, 39% of purchases will be made by cash or check.

35 Billion e-mails are sent each day throughout the world.

The richest self-made American under 40 is Michael Dell, chairman of Dell Computers. He is worth $18 billion.

Legislators in Santa Fe, New Mexico, are considering a law that would require pets to wear seat belts when traveling in a car.

Life Savers got their shape by a malfunctioning machine, which mistakenly punched a hole in the center of each candy.

SUV sales are up 18% in the first quarter of 2004 vs. the same period of 2003, even though gas prices are skyrocketing. Consumer surveys show that gas prices would have to hit $3.75 per gallon before there will be any real impact on SUV sales.

Airport security agents at Logan Airport in Boston, Massachusetts caught a passenger trying to sneak a severed seal head onto a plane inside a cooler. The man said he was a biology professor and had found the dead animal on the beach.

Jimmy Carter once reported a UFO in Georgia.

There are 150,000,000 cell phones in use in the United States, more than one per every two human beings in the country.

A Boeing 767 airliner is made of 3,100,000 separate parts.

The average child recognizes over 200 company logos by the time he enters first grade.

Last December, the House of Representatives earmarked $50,000,000 to create an indoor rain forest in Iowa.

Amusement park attendance goes up after a fatal accident. It seems many people want to ride upon the same ride that killed someone.

Jeffrey and Sheryl McGowen in Houston turned to vitro fertilization. Two eggs were implanted in Sheryl's womb, and both of them split. Sheryl gave birth to two sets of identical twins at once.

For every ton of fish that is caught in all the oceans on our planet, there are three tons of garbage dumped into the oceans.

June Foray did the voice for Rocky the Flying Squirrel and the Chatty Cathy dolls.

Japanese and Chinese people die on the fourth of the month more often than any other dates. The reason may be that they are "scared to death" by the number four. The words four and death sound alike in both Chinese and Japanese.

People with initials that spell out GOD or ACE are likely to live longer than people whose initials spell out words like APE, PIG, or RAT.

More people in the United States die during the first week of the month than during the last, an increase that may be a result of the abuse of substances purchased with benefit checks that come at the beginning of each month.

In the film Forrest Gump, all the still photos show Forrest with his eyes closed.

There are an average of 18,000,000 items for sale at any time on EBay.

The New York Times reports that in February 2004, 62% of all e-mail was spam.

A Massachusetts surgeon left a patient with an open incision for 35 minutes while he went to deposit a check.

In 1991, the average bra size in the United States was 34B. Today it's 36C.

U.K. telecom provider Telewest Broadband is testing a device that hooks to your PC and wafts a scent when certain e-mails arrive.

The average North Korean 7-year-old is almost three inches shorter than the average South Korean 7-year-old.

In 1993, David McLean developed lung cancer. He died on October 12, 1995. McLean's death made him the second Marlboro Man to die of lung cancer. Another actor, Wayne McLaren, died in 1992 at the age of 51 from lung cancer.

There is a bar in London that sells vaporized vodka, which is inhaled instead of sipped.

According to market research firm NPD Fashionworld, fifty percent of all lingerie purchases are returned to the store.

On EBay, there are an average of $680 worth of transactions each second.

The Eiffel Tower shrinks 6 inches in winter.

The first FAX machine was patented in 1843, 33 years before Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone.

72% of Americans sign their pets' names on greeting cards they send out.

In an effort to encourage the use of nuclear energy, the United States lent highly enriched uranium to countries all over the world between 1950 and 1988. Enough weapons-grade material to make 1,000 nuclear bombs has still not been returned by such countries as Pakistan, Iran, Israel and South Africa.

Homing pigeons use roads where possible to help find their way home. In fact, some pigeons followed roads so closely that they actually flew around traffic circles before choosing the exit that led them home.

Every year, 2700 surgical patients go home from the hospital with metal tools, sponges, and other objects left inside them. In 2000, 57 people died as a result of these mistakes.

A snowflake can take up to a hour to fall from the cloud to the surface of the Earth.

Only 5 percent of the ocean floor has been mapped in as much detail as the surface of Mars.

The only people whose likenesses adorn Pez dispensers are Betsy Ross and Paul Revere.

We forget 80 percent of what we learn everyday.

Pain is measured in units of "dols". The instrument used to measure pain is a "dolorimeter".

In a nod to astronauts, Texas is the only state that permits residents to cast absentee ballots from space.

Eleven top executives of the Direct Marketing Association (the telemarketers' group that is trying to kill the federal "Do Not Call" list) have registered for the list themselves.

An iceberg the size of Long Island, New York, has broken off Antarctica and has blocked sea lanes used by both ships and penguins.

In 2003, the Transportation Security Administration dropped a requirement that air marshals pass a marksmanship test. Some applicants were even hired after they repeatedly shot flight attendants in mock hijacking episodes.

As of January 2004, the United States economy now borrows $1,500,000,000 each day from foreign investors.

A Costa Rican worker who makes baseballs earns about $2,750 annually. The average American pro baseball player earns $2,377,000 per year.

Former keyboard player for Jethro Tull David Palmer is now a woman named Dee Palmer. He waited until his wife died before going through with his longtime desire for a sex change.

During Bill Clinton's entire eight year presidency, he only sent two e-mails. One was to John Glenn when he was aboard the space shuttle, and the other was a test of the e-mail system.

Albert Einstein never knew how to drive a car.

The UK's best selling hiking magazine published faulty coordinates for descending Scotland's tallest peak (Ben Nevis), and recommended a route that leads climbers off the edge of a cliff.

The Mars Rover "Spirit" is powered by six small motors the size of "C" batteries. It has a top speed of 0.1 mph.

Zeppo Marx (the unfunny one of the Marx Brothers) had a patent for a wristwatch with a heart monitor.

The entire town of Capena, Italy (including children as young as 2 years old) lights up cigarettes each year in honor of St. Anthony's Day. This tradition is centuries old.

The Amish a diet high in meat, dairy, refined sugars and calories. Yet obesity is virtually unknown among them. The difference is since they have no TVs, cars or powered machines, they spend their time in manual labor.

Microsoft threatened 17 year old Mike Rowe with a lawsuit after the young man launched a website named

As of January 1, 2004, the population of the United States increases by one person every 12 seconds. There is a birth every eight seconds, an immigrant is added every 25 seconds, but a death every 13 seconds.

There is a Starbucks in Myungdong, South Korea that is five stories tall.

Astronauts cannot burp in space. There is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.

There has been no mail delivery in Canada on Saturday for the last thirty five years.

The weight of air in a milk glass is about the same as the weight of an aspirin tablet.

The world's smallest winged insect is the Tanzanian parasitic wasp. It's smaller than the eye of a housefly.

Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

If you have three quarters, four dimes and four cents, you have $1.19. But you cannot make exact change for a dollar.

There are more plastic flamingoes in the United States than real ones.

The chance that you will die on the way to buy your lottery ticket is greater than the chance of you winning the big prize in most lotteries.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton Look-Alike contest.

An average of 100 people choke to death on ball point pens each year.

The National Anthem of Greece has 158 verses.

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

The Bible has been translated into Klingon.

Toto was paid $125 per week while filming the "Wizard of Oz".

All polar bears are left handed.

Fidgeting can burn about 350 calories a day.

To help reduce budget deficits, several states have begun reducing the amount of food served to prison inmates. In Texas, the number of daily calories served to prisoners was cut by 300, saving the state $6,000,000 per year.

The only member of the band ZZ Top without a beard has the last name Beard.

Pope John Paul II is the world's Scrabble champion in the over-70 category.

Montpelier, Vermont is the only state capitol without a McDonald's.

Wearing headphones for an hour increases the bacteria in your ear 700 times.

In 1993, the board of governors at Carl Karcher Enterprises voted (5 to 2) to fire Carl Karcher. Carl Karcher is the founder of Carls Jr. restaurants.

The little hole in the sink that lets the water drain out, instead of flowing over the side, is called a "porcelator."

The wingspan of a Boeing 747 jet is longer than the Wright Brothers' first flight.

Ted Turner owns 5% of New Mexico.

Over 8 years, this happened 284 times: "Cosmo" Kramer went through Jerry Seinfeld's apartment door.

The cruise liner Queen Elizabeth 2 moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel fuel that it burns.

There are more 100 dollar bills in Russia currently than there are in the United States.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

Title: Re: True Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:03:17 AM
65% of Elvis impersonators are of Asian descent.

Burt Reynolds was originally cast to be Han Solo in the first Star Wars film. He dropped out before filming.

Pope John Paul II was named an "Honorary Harlem Globetrotter" in 2000.

There are only three types of snakes on the island of Tasmania and all three are deadly poisonous.

It is believed that Shakespeare was 46 around the time that the King James Version of the Bible was written. In Psalms 46, the 46th word from the first word is "shake" and the 46th word from the last word is "spear".

If you stretch a standard Slinky out flat it measures 87 feet long.

The strength of early lasers was measured in Gillettes, the number of blue razor blades a given beam could puncture.

The drive-through line on opening day at the McDonald's restaurant in Kuwait City, Kuwait was at times seven miles long.

Point Roberts in Washington State is cut off from the rest of the state by British Columbia, Canada. If you wish to travel from Point Roberts to the rest of the state or vice versa, you must pass through Canada, including both Canadian and U.S. customs.

The Pentagon in Washington, D. C. has five sides, five stories, and five acres in the middle.

Sylvia Miles had the shortest performance ever nominated for an Oscar with "Midnight Cowboy." Her entire role lasted only six minutes.

There is an ATM at McMurdo Station in Antarctica, which has a winter population of 200.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Newborn babies are given to the wrong mother in the hospital 12 times a day worldwide.

The Starbucks at the highest elevation is on Main Street in Breckenridge, Colorado.

Each year, over 1,000,000 people fail to itemize out the mortgage interest deduction on their income taxes. Last year, this amounted to $473,000,000 in taxes.

In 1998, more fast-food employees were murdered on the job than police officers.

The lead singer of The Knack, famous for "My Sharona," and Jack Kevorkian's lead defense attorney are brothers, Doug and Jeffrey Feiger.

Two very popular and common objects have the same function, but one has thousands of moving parts, while the other has absolutely no moving parts - an hourglass and a sundial.

One out of three employees who received a promotion use a coffee mug with the company logo on it.

If you know a (male) millionaire who happens to be married, The most likely profession of his wife is a teacher.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

1 pound of lemons contain more sugar than 1 pound of strawberries.

The "you are here" arrow on maps is called an ideo locator.

60% of all US potato products originate in Idaho.

61,000 people are airborne over the US at any given time.

A flamingo can eat only when its head is upside down.

Mark Twain was born on a day in 1835 when Halley's Comet came into view. When he died in 1910, Halley's Comet was in view again.

The Weddell seal can travel underwater for seven miles without surfacing for air.

In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." On July 20, 1969, a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first (and only) home run.

The longest words in the English language with only one syllable are the nine-letter "screeched" and "strengths".

Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye".

All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" read 4:20.

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

A baby is born without kneecaps. They appear between age 2 and 6.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

A snail can have about 25,000 teeth.

A snail can also sleep for three years.

A starfish can turn its stomach inside out.

A strand from the web of a golden spider is as strong as a steel wire of the same size.

A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.

About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.

According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.

Soldiers from every country salute with their right hand.

The microwave oven was invented by mistake when an engineer testing a magnetron tube noticed that the radiation from it melted the chocolate bar he had in his pocket.

Moisture, not air, causes super glue to dry.

Only 14% of Americans say they've skinny dipped with the opposite sex.

"60 Minutes" on CBS is the only TV show to not have a theme song or music.

Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.

Most boat owners name their boats. The most popular boat name requested is Obsession.

100% of all lottery winners gain weight.

Title: Re: True Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:03:25 AM
An average American will spend an average of 6 months during his lifetime waiting at red lights.

The Olympic flag's colors are always red, black, blue, green and yellow rings on a field of white. This is because at least one of those colors appears on the flag of every nation on the planet.

Cats can hear ultrasound.

In a recent survey, Americans revealed that banana was their favorite smell.

In all three Godfather films, when you see oranges, there is a death (or a very close call) coming up soon.

The arteries and veins surrounding the brain stem called the "circle of Willis" looks like a stick person with a large head.

Brushing your teeth regularly has been shown to prevent heart disease.

If you were to spell out numbers, you would you have to go until 1,000 until you would find the letter "A".

23% of employees say they have had sex in the office.

Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.

Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men.

A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.

There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.

Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

40% of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet.

3.9% of all women surveyed say they never wear underwear.

Superman is featured on every episode of "Seinfeld", either by name or pictures on Jerry's refrigerator.

85% of the men who cheat on their wives die while having sex.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class.

Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28

Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38

Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80

Percentage of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50

Percentage of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58

Percentage of women who say they are happier: 85

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches

Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90

Percentage of mammal species that are monogamous: 3

Chances that a burglary in the United States will be solved: 1 in 7

One third of the land in the United States is owned by the government.

The hummingbird is the only bird that can fly backwards.

Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes.

An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.

In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

When George Lucas was mixing the American Graffiti soundtrack, he numbered the reels of film starting with an R and numbered the dialog starting with a D. Sound designer Walter Murch asked George for Reel 2, Dialog 2 by saying "R2D2". George liked the way that sounded so much he integrated that into another project he was working on.

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.

Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.

Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.

Your nose and ears never stop growing.

They have square watermelons in Japan - they stack better.

Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation.

Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.

Men get hiccups more often than women.

Armadillos can be housebroken.

Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks.

The first Fords had engines made by Dodge.

A mole can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients in dynamite.

Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone.

A hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside.

A quarter has 119 grooves on its edge, a dime has one less groove.

A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.

Until 1796, there was a state in the United States called Franklin. Today it is known as Tennessee.

The flashing warning light on the cylindrical Capitol Records tower spells out HOLLYWOOD in Morse code.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year.

One in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.

The average American will eat about 11.9 pounds of cereal per year.

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

Over 1,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.

The State of Florida is bigger than England.

Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning.

It's against the law to have a pet dog in Iceland.

Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day.

Thomas Edison, light bulb inventor, was afraid of the dark.

During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That's the weight of about 6 elephants.

Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food.

Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

The world's oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old.

In space, astronauts cannot cry, because there is no gravity, so the tears can't flow.

About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30.

More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones.

A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.

Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe.

In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons.

Slugs have 4 noses.

Recycling one glass jar saves enough energy to watch TV for 3 hours.

Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet.

Owls are the only birds who can see the color blue.

The average American drinks about 600 sodas a year.

It's against the law to slam your car door in Switzerland.

There wasn't a single pony in the Pony Express, just horses.

Honeybees have hair on their eyes.

A jellyfish is 95 percent water.

In Bangladesh, kids as young as 15 can be jailed for cheating on their finals.

A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.

The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.

The penguin is the only bird who can swim, but not fly.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

Q is the only letter in the alphabet that does not appear in the name of any of the United States.

One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.

America once issued a 5-cent bill.

You'll eat about 35,000 cookies in your lifetime.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under is cap to keep him cool. He changed it every 2 innings.

Fortune cookies were actually invented in America, in 1918, by Charles Jung.

A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years.

A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

The pitches that Babe Ruth hit for his last-ever homerun and that Joe DiMaggio hit for his first-ever homerun where thrown by the same man.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

The praying mantis is the only insect that can turn its head.

In Tokyo, they sell toupees for dogs.

There are over 52.6 million dogs in the U.S.

Dogs and cats consume almost $7 billion worth of pet food a year.

Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.

Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day.

The Pentagon has twice as many restrooms as necessary. When it was built, segregation was still in place in Virginia, so separate restrooms for blacks and whites were required by law.

In England, in the 1880's, "Pants" was considered a dirty word.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

In 2003, there were 86 days of below-freezing weather in Hell, Michigan.

The average person laughs 15 times a day.
Title: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:04:45 AM
 It is possible to stand an egg up on its end, but only at the equator, on the day of the Summer Solstice.

Rhode Island is the only state without an active volcano.

Before microwave ovens were popular, KitchenAid experimented with an oven that cooked food with compressed air.

An embarrassed David Blaine had to call AAA when he locked his keys in his car in 2006.

Most toothaches can be prevented by flossing daily for forty-five minutes.

In 1982, Kim Jong Il was a contestant on "Tic Tac Dough".

The St. Valentine's Massacre was set up by Hallmark in the hopes of selling more cards. (thanks to Fray Pascual)

Time Magazine's 1951 Man of the Year was Moe.

Larry King attributes his youthful looks to his diet of broccoli and Red Vines.

Since the formula changed in 1998, Silly Putty is 23% less silly.

Goldfish are neither gold nor fish.

The role of Don Corleone in the Godfather was offered to Andy Griffith before it was offered to Marlon Brando.

Apple is working on a solar-powered iPod. The only drawback is that the solar panels make the unit the size of a large pizza box.

The Westminster Kennel Club also hosts an annual Kangaroo Show.

The word spelled most incorrectly in regional middle-school spelling bees is "status".
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:05:02 AM
The Nixon-Kennedy debates of 1960 used a laugh track.

You're most likely to be stung by a bee in windy weather.

65% of all automobile accidents take place within five miles of an Arby's restaurant.

The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" frantic depositors that their money was gone.

The first remote control took 8 minutes to change channels.

In the original plot of "NYPD Blue", Sipowitz was killed while stopping five losers trying to rob Mick Jagger.

Dick Cheney and George Bush are partners in a Quizno's franchise in Houston, Texas.

Home Depot has an arrangement with American Express that if you pay with an AmEx card and the purchase comes to that day's exact American Express's closing stock price, you get the item for free.

Bonnie and Clyde had another partner named Harold who was unfortunately killed in their first holdup. (thanks to Fray Pascual)

A Frisbee has been stuck on the top of Washington Monument since 1988.

If you put a compass in a blender for thirty seconds, it will point to the lost cash of D.B. Cooper. (thanks to Fray Pascual)

Scientists predict that in late 2008 the television show "Mythbusters" will run out of myths.

The videogame Donkey Kong is based on a true story.

The last words of 47% of American men are "Hey, watch this!".

Lizzie Borden went crazy because her husband put ketchup on his liver and onions. (thanks to Fray Pascual)

For $25, New York City allows you to name a pothole.

In America, motorists drive on the right side of the road. In the UK, motorists drive on the left side of the road. In Norway, they drive in the middle.

Edward R. Murrow's middle name was Rhonda.

The next Survivor reality TV show will take place in Central Park, New York.

The Motel 6 lodging chain got its name from the nine partners who founded the chain. Unfortunately, the original partnership paperwork was filled out upside-down.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:05:21 AM
Albert Einstein died on a mattress in a Serta showroom.

Century 21 actually owns all those trademark yellow blazers; when an agent leaves his/her employ, the blazer must be burned.

People who live together for extended periods end up blinking at the same time.

Dean Kamen, inventor of the Segway, can solve a Rubik's cube blindfolded.

The most frequently used word in the English language is "biscuit."

The only English words ending in the letters "mt" are dreamt and flemt.

J. Edgar Hoover's last act as the director of the FBI was writing the warning that appears at the start of movies.

One-A-Day vitamins have tested a "hot-and-spicy" chewable vitamin.

The Harlem Globetrotters actually lost a game to the Washington Generals (July 5, 1989).

One-third of explorers who've visited both the North and South Poles developed bipolar disorder.

Teddy Roosevelt was an avid hunter. On one safari, he bagged 16 Avids.

It is physically impossible to do an impression of Rich Little.

The Q-Tip was developed after serious design flaws were found in both the O-Tip and the P-Tip.

22% of Americans say that if it were legal, they might try cannibalism.

Elastic in underwear will last twice as long if you refrigerate your underwear after washing.

Mr. Rogers was a sniper in the Vietnam war.

Shishkabobs were invented when a Turkish mathematician tried to make an abacus out of meat.

The most common street name in America is 13th Street.

Rachael Ray is a convicted felon.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:05:43 AM
In a 1996 phone book, AT&T accidentally listed a Pizza Hut in Iowa with the phone number of a funeral home in Dallas, Texas.

All pencils are painted with a bitter-tasting white primer before the top color coat goes on. This is why the bite marks always are distasteful and are white.

In 2004, Former President George H. W. Bush voted for John Kerry.

All Costco locations are closed each July 1 for inventory.

In addition to Post Offices and Immigration Offices, you can renew a passport at Denny's.

In late 2012, Earth and Mars will be in an encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history. Mars will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye.

The only electrical equipment the Amish are allowed to use is a Panini press.

Thomas the Tank Engine has inspired County Cork in Ireland to decorate all their locomotives with faces.

Osama Bin Laden has ordered fleece jackets with the Al Qaeda logo.

Nolan Ryan once threw a fastball so hard it killed both the catcher and the umpire.

No one named Tony has ever won a Tony Award.

In the early 1950s, Philip Morris spent millions of dollars trying to teach dogs to smoke.

In 1987, baseball Hall of Famer George Brett was thrown out of a game for wearing argyle socks.

Like George W. Bush, in college, Saddam Hussein was a cheerleader.

Pat Sajak can't read.

As of April 1st, 2007, only 4 Segway scooters have ever been sold.

The CNN Christmas party is held at Denny's.

The original Fruit of the Loom logo included a turkey leg.

Some mathematics ......
 1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888


1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:05:57 AM
Due to a clerical error, from 1931 to 1932 Delaware had a dog for Governor.

The most common liquid confiscated by airport security is honey mustard.

Fidel Castro once hosted "Saturday Night Live".

Officially, if you say "Have a nice day" to someone after 5 PM, it refers to the next day.

No one in Canada has a birthday on March 16th.

Bob Saget lives in the old set of "Full House".

Nancy Reagan can palm a basketball.

The earliest English Muffins contained nooks but no crannies.

The longest human pregnancy on record was 37 months.

Every 46 seconds, someone is scalded at Starbucks.

"Planet of the Apes" is based on a true story.

Horoscopes accurately predict future events 85% of the time.

In the early 1900s, a dozen actually was a measurement based on weight. Only in 1933 did the Department of Weights and Measures come up with an item count of twelve as a definition.

The word "apple" comes from the Latin word meaning "apple".

Due to a horse shortage, the 1936 Kentucky Derby was run with giraffes.

Because of an onion allergy, the singer Meatloaf can't eat meatloaf.

Tommy Lee Jones and Kim Jong Il were freshman roommates at Harvard.

The actual Godzilla was only 5 feet tall and was killed by Japanese soldiers within seconds.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:06:10 AM
Half and half is actually closer to 60-40.

Alan Shepard was the only astronaut to leave his wallet on the moon.

Actor James Woods actually served as the governor of Idaho for a week while researching a movie role in the late 1990s.

In San Diego, California, it is illegal to have a garage sale unless you are selling an exercise bike.

The 11th president, James K. Polk, did not speak English.

Einstein taught that space and time are the same thing. He discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for meetings.

Only 26% of ranchers actually use ranch dressing.

Sheep ranchers counting the number of animals in their herd often doze off.

Archeologists have found evidence in the Middle East that in the Stone Age, mankind had developed a primitive Swiffer.

The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in the Mouse language, with English subtitles.

President Richard Nixon was an avid CB radio user.

A city councilman (Carl Freeborn) from Asheville, North Carolina is attempting to legally change his name to "Arack Bobama" to perhaps ride on the coattails of another famous politician.

At any given moment, 93% of American TIVOs contain at least one episode of "Sanford & Son".

Ted Williams' last words: "I was kidding about being frozen";.

Gary Busey has won more Academy Awards than any other actor.

Other than man, the elk is the only animal that celebrates birthdays.

A cucumber is 96% water and 4% cucumber.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:06:27 AM
22% of airline pilots have a child named "Roger".

Liberace was a notorious womanizer.

If you take the sugar and flavoring out of Cool Whip, the result is molecularly very close to the plastic used in ping pong balls.

Contrary to popular belief, if you drive backwards, the odometer does not go backwards. It actually makes the odometer less accurate - up to 10% for each six miles driven backwards.

The brand name "Jelly Belly" was created in 1982 after Nancy Reagan made a much-publicized quip about her husband's 20-pound weight gain, mostly due to his penchant for jelly beans.

BMW is developing a side-view mirror in which objects may be farther away than they appear.

Double-yolk eggs, while larger than normal hen's eggs, actually have less nutritional value per ounce, but take about half as long to cook.

Pond's cold cream has an ingredient which is comprised of material which is found in pond scum.

The Internal Revenue Service audits 87 percent of women who claim breast implants as tax deductions.

Everyone knows that staring at a solar eclipse can blind you. But staring at a lunar eclipse can also harm you - the eye is fooled into allowing too much infrared light into the eye, which can result in red-green color blindness.

The FBI's eleventh most wanted fugitive is Lyle Lovett.

George W. Bush is a member of the mile-high club in Air Force One.

Human tonsils are so dense that they can bounce higher than a rubber ball of similar weight and size, but only for the first 30 minutes after they've been removed.

Elvis impersonators account for much more annual tax revenue than Elvis ever did.

Larry King wears suspenders in the shower.

Police lineups always put the guilty guy in the middle.

As a rule, tall people attract fewer mosquitoes.

Comic duo Cheech and Chong were originally known as Spic and Span before changing due to pressure from Chicano organizations.

At the last supper, Jesus was automatically billed eighteen percent gratuity because his party included six or more people.

To thank the French for the Statue of Liberty, in early caricatures of "Uncle Sam", he always wore a beret (instead of the trademark stovepipe hat).

The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11,284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.

George W. Bush has negotiated with the governor of South Dakota to get his face added to Mount Rushmore. Construction is scheduled to start in 2012.

No death-row inmate has ever asked for tofu as his last meal.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:06:41 AM
The last dinosaur roamed the earth in 1946.

A Canadian study has shown that if you choose a baby's name before it is born, the baby will most likely be female.

The father of the famous murderer "Son of Sam" actually was named Percy.

Cats really do land on their feet, except when they're in heat.

Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.

In an eighteen month period in 1973-1974, since there was renovation work on the Capitol building in St. Paul, Minnesota, state government was actually run out of an office building in River Falls, Wisconsin.

British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Staffordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.

The egg of a hummingbird will actually float in mid-air in foggy conditions.

In the northern hemisphere, water goes down the drain clockwise. In the southern hemisphere - counterclockwise. On the equator, water flows both ways, depending on the moon's phases.

Hall of Fame catcher Johnny Bench sleeps in the crouching position.

Osama bin Laden has seen Woody Allen's "Annie Hall" 15 times.

Studies show newborns will recognize their mother's face more readily if their mother wears glasses.

The curved shape of a hockey stick is a throwback to prehistoric use of mastodon tusks in a similar game.

Male ladybugs always have an odd number of spots, and one spot will always be white.

Evian water got its name from the first founder of the company, who remarked, "People have got to be really naive to buy bottled water". The name stuck; Evian is naive backwards.

From 1970 through 1972, the penny actually showed Abraham Lincoln with a mustache but no beard.

A Native American tribe in South Dakota collects bottle caps left by campers, using them as currency. Several banks in the area now recognize the caps as legal tender.

When you flip the 2005 Minnesota statehood quarter, heads will come up 61% of the time instead of the expected 50%.

Fish have "dandruff" caused by their scales that flake off, and it is impossible to filter all traces of it from drinking water.

Vice President Dick Cheney is an accomplished studio musician, and has played trumpet and woodwinds for the likes of Tony Bennett, Frank Sinatra and (most recently) Paul Anka.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:07:05 AM
Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.

John Wayne's real name was Lydia Schiffman.

The Hyundai Elantra is China's best selling car, but "Elantra" in some dialects of Mandarin Chinese means "Violation", so the car is actually named "Guana".

"Hello Kitty" began as part of a covert propaganda campaign originally proposed by Prime Minister Tojo during World War II.

More people than you would imagine accidentally swallow their keys.

When you first open a jar of cold cream, because of the chemical reaction with air, it actually is ice cold to the touch.

Dan Castellaneta, the voice of Homer Simpson, is getting older, and he can no longer properly voice the characteristic "D'oh!". From the sixth season of "The Simpsons" to the present, whenever you hear "D'oh", it's either a dub from an episode originally aired in seasons 1-5, or digitally created on a Macintosh computer.

Newscaster Jim Lehrer is married to the woman who plays Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

Belt loops were invented fifty years earlier than the first belt.

When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread treats for children.

Owls only lose feathers during daylight hours, usually when they're sleeping.

Before coming to power, Slobodan Milosevic hosted a radio talk show about soccer.

In the weightlessness of space a frozen pea will explode if it comes in contact with a carbonated beverage.

60 Minutes correspondent Mike Wallace owns and operates a chain of karate schools.

Satellite radio receivers (XM, Sirius) will occasionally disrupt radar guns (K-band) used by police to catch speeders.

In many Eskimo schools, they don't teach multiplication. Division is taught, however.

During the Civil War, America had a demand for poodles that was not met until the mid-1920s.

The wobble in the rotation of the earth is causing a shift in its magnetic field. By the year 2327, the magnetic North Pole will be located in mid-Kansas, while the South Pole will be just off the coast of East Africa.

Silica gel, when mixed in with asphalt, makes highways that actually absorb rainfall. A side effect is that automobile tires would last two to three times as long when used on this type pavement. The tire industry has fought this breakthrough.

Scuba divers cannot pass gas at depths of 33 feet or below.

A tank can only be used to hold helium for three fillings (depending on tank size) before being recycled. The very small helium atom actually leaks out of the tank - in between the molecules of the steel tank - in effect actually "eating away" the tank walls.

There is no literal translation for "boss" in Japanese, so in Tokyo, Bruce Springsteen is known as "The Supervisor".

Johnny Plessey batted .331 for the Cleveland Spiders in 1891, even though he spent the entire season batting with a rolled-up, lacquered copy of the Toledo Post-Dispatch.

Fidel Castro's brother Raul has a large collection of Beanie Babies.

The city of Tupelo, Mississippi has an experimental program with mounted police using llamas.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:07:29 AM
The Boeing 747 is capable of flying upside-down, except the wings would shear off when trying to roll it over.

People who constantly chew on a toothpick have a greater risk of reoccurring bladder infections.

The only golf course on the island nation of Tonga has 15 holes, and there's no penalty if a monkey steals your golf ball.

The recent tsunami in Southeast Asia has apparently affected the sugar cane crop - the yield is unexpectedly way up, which will in turn lower prices for the next several years.

Manatees possess vocal chords which give them the ability to speak almost like humans, but don't speak because they have no ears with which to hear the sound.

The LEGO group, creators of the children's building blocks, actually considered making full size Lego blocks to be used by Habitat for Humanity in building homes for third-world countries.

Replying more than 100 times to the same piece of spam e-mail will overwhelm the sender's system and interfere with their ability to send any more spam.

Paul Marcarelli, an actor from New York City, plays the "can you hear me now guy" for Verizon Wireless. He actually has cell phone service with T-Mobile as Verizon does not have adequate coverage in his home area of Queens.

Composer Marvin Hamlisch spends much of his free time collecting aluminum cans.

Molecularly speaking, water is actually much drier than sand.

40% of people who believe the moon landing was faked also believe the moon isn't real.

Febreze, the product that removes odors from fabric, will not work on wide wale corduroy.

Polar bears can eat as many as 22 penguins in a single sitting.

You can get blood from a stone, but only if contains at least 17 percent bauxite.

The volume of water that the Giant Sequoia tree consumes in a 24-hour period contains enough suspended minerals to pave 16 feet of a 4-lane concrete freeway.

A Wisconsin man was beaten by an angry mob because he asked for "no cheese" on his Whopper.

King Henry VIII slept with a gigantic axe.

In the early 70s, McDonalds briefly offered customers a choice of French fries or consomme.

Touch-tone telephone keypads were originally planned to have buttons for Police and Fire Departments, but they were replaced with * and # when the project was cancelled in favor of developing the 911 system.

Human saliva has a boiling point twice that of regular water.

30% of women who apply makeup while driving have accidentally swallowed a tube of lipstick.

Calvin, of the "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip, was patterned after President Calvin Coolidge, who had a pet tiger as a boy.

Watching an hour-long soap opera burns more calories than watching a three-hour baseball game.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:07:46 AM
Until 1978, Camel cigarettes contained small particles of real camel dung.

You can actually sharpen the blades on a pencil sharpener by wrapping your pencils in aluminum foil before inserting them.

Among items left behind at Osama bin Laden's headquarters in Afghanistan were 27 issues of Mad Magazine. Al Qaeda members have admitted that bin Laden is reportedly an avid reader.

At the first World Cup championship in Uruguay, 1930, the soccer balls were actually monkey skulls wrapped in paper and leather.

Labrador retrievers dream about bananas.

If you put a bee in a film canister for two hours, it will go blind.

Never hold your nose and cover your mouth when sneezing, as it can blow out your eyeballs.

Centuries ago, purchasing real estate often required having one or more limbs amputated in order to prevent the purchaser from running away to avoid repayment of the loan. Hence an expensive purchase was said to cost "an arm and a leg."

When Mahatma Gandhi died, an autopsy revealed five gold Krugerrands in his small intestine.

After you die, your tongue continues to grow.

Aardvarks are allergic to radishes, but only during summer months.

If you part your hair on the right side, you were born to be carnivorous. If you part it on the left, your physical and psychological make-up is that of a vegetarian.

When immersed in liquid, a dead sparrow will make a sound like a crying baby.

Although difficult, it's possible to start a fire by rapidly rubbing together two Cool Ranch Doritos.

The Count of Monte Cristo died from cardiac arrest after eating too many Monte Cristo sandwiches.

In ancient Greece, children of wealthy families were dipped in olive oil at birth to keep them hairless throughout their lives.

The trucking company Elvis Presley where worked as a young man was owned by Frank Sinatra.

It is nearly three miles farther to fly from Amarillo, Texas to Louisville, Kentucky than it is to return from Louisville to Amarillo.

The "nine lives" attributed to cats is probably due to their having nine primary whiskers.

Contestants on the reality show "Survivor" quietly receive a case of Quaker granola bars to eat if they're really hungry.

George Washington died of a wig infection.

The Venezuelan brown bat can detect and dodge individual raindrops in mid-flight, arriving safely back at his cave completely dry.

Ingesting small doses of ink over an extended period of time will change your eye color slightly.

In 1960, a then-unknown Dan Rather auditioned for the voice of cartoon character Dudley Do-Right but was turned down by animator/director Jay Ward.

Scientists estimate that sleep lost due to daylight saving time reduces the average lifespan by nearly two full months.

No NCAA basketball team from a school located in its state's capitol has ever won the national championship.

The top three names for female babies born in China last year were Huan, Jia, and Ethel.

Shortly before his execution, Timothy McVeigh constructed a scale model of the Lincoln Memorial with popsicle sticks.

Because the Japanese language has several thousand characters, each episode of Japan's "Wheel of Fortune" can last several days.

Strains of bacteria similar to E. coli have been found in used printer cartridges - but only in the color cyan. Scientists have no explanation.

Female monkeys recognize their children by height and weight, not necessarily by their facial characteristics.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:08:06 AM
The Australian aborigine language has over 30 words for "dust."

Anyone convicted of animal cruelty in Sedalia, Missouri, is sentenced to a month's confinement in the county animal shelter.

Fewer divorces occur in families in which the children wake their parents before 6 a.m. on Saturdays.

John F. Kennedy was an accomplished ventriloquist.

Two-thirds of all the world's coriander comes from a single valley in Italy.

Contrary to popular belief, the white is not the healthiest part of an egg. It's actually the shell.

Adding baking soda and vinegar will make your scrambled eggs fluffier.

The first prototype defibrillators delivered 1,200 joules of electrical energy instead of the now standard 360, occasionally causing dead bodies to sit upright momentarily as though they were still alive.

Every member of the Australian band Men at Work is currently unemployed.

Customs officials have dogs that are trained to distinguish between Cuban cigars and all other cigars.

Archimedes' screw was the basis for Max Factor's invention of the twisting lipstick holder.

A Tokyo inventor has developed a laptop computer whose battery is recharged by energy generated from the movement of the user's mouse, yet Sony lawyers have successfully blocked every attempt to produce a product using the technology.

Ballpoint pens were invented by a Michigan scientist attempting to reduce the number of birds killed for their quills.

Socrates is thought to be the first to use the phrase "a bad case of the Mondays".

Penguins can smell toothpaste from several miles away.

Glamorous movie star Brad Pitt once had a summer job posting warning signs at coal mine entrances.

During a banana shortage in the summer of 1958, banana splits were made with zucchini or carrots.

The National Weather Service will pay $30 for the rights to any original photograph of lightning.

In the early 1800s, a flush beat a full house in poker.

The rhesus monkey is the only animal that can be taught to hum a tune.

Biblical scholars recently unearthed a previously unknown gospel written by a disciple named "Rusty".

With the exception of a small 200-square-mile section of Antarctica, every single square kilometer of dry land on the planet has been walked on by at least one human being.

The Mongolian pony is the only animal other than an elephant capable of fending off an attack by a healthy adult tiger.

In 1984, an Ohio family visiting New York City stood at a broken DON'T WALK sign for three days.

Because of their unusual shape, Hershey's Kisses contain more calories per ounce than the same amount of chocolate in other forms.

If you tar and feather a 2x4 and place it in your yard, it will ward off bats.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:08:27 AM
The largest home in the United States, North Carolina's Biltmore House, was originally intended to be the official residence of a new monarchy to be established when the South rose again.

The Toltec calendar was based on a 360-day year, with each day being about 24 hours and 20 minutes long.

The universal size of the credit card is based entirely on the size of the 1960s US Communist Party membership card. Credit cards were designed so that they wouldn't cause the Communist Party card to stand out.

The K in K-Mart stands for K-Mart.

Nobody born in Kentucky has ever been elected to Congress.

In an effort to improve the nutritional value of its "Shamrock shakes," McDonald's colors them with broccoli extract.

M & Ms were candy-coated peas during a chocolate shortage in the 1950s.

After he resigned from the Presidency, Richard Nixon could often be found on the beaches of San Clemente, with his ever-present metal detector.

Winston Churchill was born with a third nipple, which he removed himself with nail-clippers at the age of 14.

Only a single dissenting vote prevented the death penalty in Texas from being carried out by immersing the convicted person in a nest of fire ants.

If you place a fresh Viagra tablet in a houseplant's soil every six months, the plant will not wilt.

Because he forgot his boots, Buzz Aldrin walked barefoot on the moon.

The practice of putting a letter "e" in front of words to mean "web-based" (e.g., eBusiness, eLearning, etc.) was patented by Microsoft in 1992. They are waiting until their anti-trust trial has been officially completed to begin enforcing it.

If a cricket were the size of Mount Rushmore, it could jump to the moon.

During a nine month strike in 2002, the Weather Channel broadcast reruns.

A 9-volt battery contains roughly the same amount of kinetic energy as a bowl of Lucky Charms.

The Yanomami tribesmen of the Amazon basin can track game birds by the slight difference in warmth their shadows create on the forest floor as they fly by, for up to an hour after the birds have departed.

Rapid deforestation has decreased the friction of the surface of the Earth, causing it to spin infinitesimally faster and thereby cool the air, combating global warming.

President Harry S. Truman would often go on vacation and secretly have his identical twin Larry run the country.

The flush toilet was invented in Flushing, NY.

New data suggests that so-called global warming may be due to a batch of faulty thermometers.

The inner core of most standard golf balls is made of nougat, which helps the balls remain aloft longer.

Over the last two decades, more Americans died of heart attacks while watching horror movies in movie theaters than died while sky-diving.

Every common food product, with the exception of fish, contains some traces of peanuts.

A bad case of laryngitis forced Abraham Lincoln to lip-sync the Gettysburg Address. The speech was actually delivered by an aide hidden beneath the stage.

The number of words in the Bible divided by the number of verses equals exactly 666.

L L Cool J once marketed a line of mail-order clothing, under the name "L L Cool Bean".

Anthropologists have discovered a tribe of South American monkeys with a rudimentary system of government analogous to our own three-branch form of government.

The shoe Nikita Khrushchev used to bang on the United Nations table was purchased by Thom McAn.

Constipation kills nearly twice as many people as diarrhea, mainly because the former mostly afflicts the old and weak while the latter mostly affects young, strong children.

Frank Sinatra didn't want to record the song "My Way" but was forced to by his record label.

It is physically impossible to urinate and give blood at the same time.

In China, John Steinbeck's "The Grapes of Wrath" is translated as "Angry Berries."

If you fill a standard 750ml wine bottle with live hornets, their angry buzzing will resonate at precisely the right frequency to shatter the glass.

During his famous "Blue Period", Pablo Picasso invented the substance that eventually became known as Play-Doh.

Every year in the fall, Niagara Falls is shut down for maintenance for 24 hours. The flow is diverted using a massive series of pipes and spigots built for this purpose in 1837.

At thirteen hospitals around the country, there is a Dr. Pepper on staff.

Every 23 seconds, someone is having sex in a carpet store.

In the early 1940s, Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghetti especially for the German market that consisted only of little pasta swastikas.

Singer Cat Stevens is allergic to cats.

The Chilean hummingbird has been known to suck blood from animals like a giant mosquito.

Many of the above "fun facts" come from the writers on the Late Show. Thanks, Dave Letterman!
Title: Body Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:10:56 AM
Title: Nature Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:11:30 AM
# When it's not mating season, the penis of a drake (a male duck) is about the size of a grain of rice. When it's time to impregnate a mate, it grows into a twisted organ, sometimes longer than the duck's entire body. - The Week Magazine, 5/18/07

# The world's oldest crow is 118 years (estimated age). - San Diego Union, 4/19/07

# The Cleveland Indians baseball team had their first four home games of 2007 snowed out, and they played their next "home" series in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. -, 4/10/07

# The snake Rhabdophis tigninus recycles the venom from toxic toads it has eaten, storing it in glands and releasing it to kill other prey. - Discover Magazine, 4/07

# A recent survey of over 200 professional dog obedience judges ranked the Afghan hound as the least intelligent dog. The border collie was ranked the smartest. - Discover Magazine, 4/07

# Australian researchers have discovered that honeybees can recognize human faces. The bees were shown black and white portraits and given treats for correct answers. - Discover Magazine, 3/07

# 2005 was the warmest year in recorded history. 2006 is the sixth warmest year in recorded history. - San Diego Union, 12/21/06

# 3,300 bees were sent to space for seven days in 1984. The bees adapted perfectly to zero gravity, the only exception being that they held their excrement for the entire trip. - Discover Magazine, 3/07

# Eureka, California has never had a day where the temperature has reached 90 degrees. - San Diego Union, 12/14/06

# Cell phone towers are responsible for the deaths of between 4 million and 50 million birds each year. The birds mistake the tower lights for the stars that they use to navigate, and they crash into the towers or lines. - Los Angeles Times, 11/27/06

# The number of tigers kept as pets in America is approximately equal to the number of tigers in the wild. - San Diego Union, 11/30/06

# A rat can tread water for three days. A rat can also survive being flushed down the toilet, and can return to the building via the same route. - Discover Magazine, 12/06

# The Alaska Zoo built a treadmill for their elephant, Maggie, in 2005 (at a cost of $150,000). The elephant has never used it. That's the only elephant in Alaska, by the way. - San Diego Union, 11/30/06

# Yes, a chicken can live without its head. One robust chicken lived 18 months after its own beheading. - The Week Magazine, 11/3/06

# The Arctic Ocean ice cap shrunk by 289,500 square miles in 2005. That's an area larger than the state of Texas. - San Diego Union, 12/14/06

# In late June 2006, an Alabama man discovered a hornet's nest in his 1955 Chevy. The nest filled the entire car. - Popular Science, 11/06

# Sewage effluent from the wastewater treatment plant outside Boulder, Colorado can change male fish into females in just seven days. - San Diego Union, 2/1/07

# Lightning strikes the Empire State Building in New York about 25 times each year. - The Week Magazine, 11/3/06

# A cubic mile of fog is made up of less than one gallon on water. - San Diego Union, 10/12/06

# Actual mathematical equations have determined that you really do get less wet if you run in the rain. - The Week Magazine, 11/3/06

# The average distance a dandelion seed travels through the air is 6 miles. - San Diego Union, 9/21/06

# The front teeth of rats grow between 4 1/2 and 5 1/2 inches per year. Rats wear them down by constantly chewing on everything around them. - Discover Magazine, 12/06

# The brain of a male black right whale weighs approximately 8.8 pounds. The testicles of a male black right whale weigh approximately 2,200 pounds. - San Diego Union, 10/12/06

# Norway is planning to build a "doomsday vault" inside a mountain on an Arctic island to hold a seed bank of all known varieties of the world's crops. This will supposedly preserve biodiversity in the event of a global disaster. - BBC News, 1/12/06

# Only one verified case of injury from a meteorite has ever been recorded. In 1954, an eight-pound meteorite crashed through a roof and bounced off a radio onto Annie Hodges' hip while she was napping. - Discover Magazine, 8/06

# Scientists in San Diego have discovered a plant gene that makes growth-inhibiting enzymes. If the gene is spliced into the grass genome, it will prevent grass from growing more than a few inches. This would mean a lawn that never needs to be mowed. - Popular Science, 8/06

# There is no such thing as the "speed of sound" - sound travels at different speeds depending on temperature and the medium it's passing through. The speed of sound is 4 times faster through water, and 15 times faster through steel than air. - San Diego Union, 5/24/06

# Whales and dolphins can literally fall half asleep. Their brain hemispheres alternate sleeping so the animals can continue to surface and breathe. - Discover Magazine, 7/06

# April 2006 in the United States was the warmest April on record. - USAToday, 5/17/06

# Bottlenose dolphins can call each other by name when they whistle, making them the only animals besides humans known to recognize such identity information, scientists said. Two dolphins will sometimes even refer to a third dolphin by name even when he or she isn't present. - USA Today, 5/8/06

# The mosquito is the most dangerous animal on the planet. Female mosquitoes carry malaria, which kills over one million people each year. - Yale Alumni Magazine, 3/06

# 4.5 pounds of sunlight strike the earth every day. - San Diego Union, 5/3/06

# The most dangerous animals in the United States are deer. They are responsible for vehicular collisions which accounted for 204 U.S. deaths in 2004. - University of Wisconsin (Madison) Study, 2/06

# 100,000,000 sharks are killed annually by commercial fishing. - San Diego Union, 3/8/06

# January 2006 was the warmest January on record. Several ice fishing contests in Minnesota were cancelled because lakes weren't fully frozen over. - Washington Post, 2/7/06

# Taipei 101 is the world's tallest building - 508 metres (1,667 feet) high. At 700,000 tons, it is among the heaviest. But the sheer size of the Taiwan skyscraper is thought to have triggered two recent earthquakes because of the stress that it exerts on the ground beneath it. - The Guardian, 12/2/05

# On average, every man, woman and child uses three gallons of oil daily. Transportation accounts for two of those gallons. - San Diego Union, 12/28/05

# The ingredient that gives Dannon Boysenberry yogurt and Tropicana Ruby Red Grapefruit juice their distinctive colors comes from crushed female cochineal beetles. - Wall Street Journal, 1/27/06

# The average American home today contains more synthetic chemicals than the average chemical plant a century ago. - San Diego Union, 12/28/05

# A research team at National Taiwan University claims it has succeeded in breeding three male green pigs by injecting fluorescent green protein into embryonic pigs. Partially green pigs exist elsewhere, but the Taiwanese pigs are believed to be the only ones that are green inside out, including their hearts and internal organs. In the dark, they glow bright neon green. The pigs will reportedly be used in stem cell research and in the study of several human diseases. - ABC News, 1/12/06

# An Australian couple walking along the beach discovered a 32 pound lump of whale vomit (ambergris). This find is worth approximately $300,000. - BBC News, 1/24/06

# An eight month old kitten survived a seventy mile ride on the New Jersey Turnpike inside the wheel well of an SUV. - Philadelphia Inquirer, 1/4/06

# Newcastle University scientists studied locusts; specifically electrically monitoring the activity of locusts' brain cells while they were watching selected highlights from the film "Star Wars". -, 10/12/05

# Bats that have bigger testicles have smaller brains. - Discover Magazine, 2/06

# Between 1942 and 1977, Park Ranger Roy Sullivan was struck by lightning seven times. - Entertainment Weekly, 1/13/06

# In 1955, a 9-year-old girl from South Dakota was riding her pony when a tornado appeared, carried her over a hill, and safely set her down 1,000 feet away. - Entertainment Weekly, 1/13/06

# Greenpeace said it will pay nearly $7,000 in damages after the environmental group's flagship, the Rainbow Warrior II, hit a coral reef at a world heritage site in the southern Philippines. - MSNBC, 11/2/05
Title: Re: Nature Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:11:42 AM
Title: World Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:12:19 AM
# The United States divorce rate has fallen to the lowest level since 1970 (3.6 divorces out of 1,000 people). - MSNBC, 5/10/07

# A Dutch hospital is begging public-minded citizens to stop donating their bodies for science. The University Medical Center in Leiden has 60% more bodies than it can store. - The Week Magazine, 5/25/07

# Hundreds of Indian rail passengers were told to get out of their stalled train and push. After pushing the train about sixty yards to the next electricity pole, the train was able to restart and continue its journey. - Chicago Sun-Times, 5/17/07

# One out of eight Iraqi children died of disease or violence before reaching their fifth birthday in 2005. - North County Times, 5/8/07

# There were 14,000 terrorist attacks globally in 2006. 47% of those took place in Iraq. Two-thirds of fatalities from these attacks worldwide occurred in Iraq. - Time Magazine, 5/14/07

# 40% of Amsterdam commuters get to work by bicycle. - The Week Magazine, 5/18/07

# A woman faces a DUI charge after going through Sylvania, Alabama at midnight, allegedly ramming a police car. She was on horseback at the time. - Associated Press, 4/3/07

# A dentist urinated in a surgical sink and used sterilized tools to clean his ears and fingernails, a General Dental Council (GDC) tribunal has heard. Alan Hutchinson, 51, is accused of unhygienic practices at his Branch Road Dental Practice, in Batley, West Yorkshire. - BBC News, 4/2/07

# Most pencils in America are sold with eraser tips. Most pencils in Europe are sold without erasers. - Discover Magazine, 5/07

# Hunters in Texas are now banned from using laser-sights on their high-powered rifles. This ban will soon be lifted, which will be a blessing to blind hunters in that state. - BBC News, 12/12/06

# Until rubber erasers were invented, writers used bread crumbs to erase pencil marks. - Discover Magazine, 5/07

# A black swan has fallen in love with a swan-shaped pedal boat in Muenster, Germany. This "love affair" has now gone on for two years. - News24 (Cape Town, South Africa), 3/30/07

# A Chinese woman survived a plunge from a sixth-floor balcony because she fell into a pile of excrement (being pumped out of the building's septic tank). - Yahoo! News, 4/4/07

# A Cincinnati, Ohio area Little League has banned negative baseball "chatter". - Cincinnati Enquirer, 3/30/07

# Worldwide, there are 125,000 advertising video screens in Wal-Marts. - San Diego Union, 3/31/07

# Fully one-third of all Washington DC's residents are functionally illeritate. - The Week Magazine, 3/30/07

# The estimated mass of a 1 square kilometer in Germany is 78,400,000,000 tons, based on a geological evaluation of the thickness of the Earth's crust beneath Europe. The estimated mass of 1 square kilometer of Austria is 112,000,000,000 tons. - San Diego Union, 3/8/07

# An very patient elderly Florida resident had the power restored to her home recently. Hurricane Andrew knocked the power out fifteen years ago. - KPIX-TV, 2/17/07

# Computer servers now use an estimated 1.2% of all electricity in the United States. This is more electricity than the entire electrical consumption of Mississippi. -, 2/15/07

# Las Vegas is not the world's largest gambling market. The Chinese island of Macau has $7,000,000,000 in annual revenue. - MSNBC, 1/24/07

# 57% of British women wear a D-cup bra. Only 10% of Italian women wear a D-cup. - United Press International, 2/13/07

# The Vatican has the highest per-capita crime rate in the world. It had a crime rate of 1.5 crimes per resident in 2006. - The Week Magazine, 2/2/07

# An Argentine soccer fan was furious when he discovered that instead of his favorite team's logo, a tattoo artist had etched a penis on his back. The tattoo artist was a fan of rival club. The underage victim said he did not realize the artist's chicanery until he went home and show the tattoo to his parents. - UPI, 1/22/07

# Students are not allowed to talk during lunch at St. Rose of Lima school in Rhode Island - a silent lunch will ensure that teachers can identify a choking child in time to administer the Heimlich maneuver. - The Week Magazine, 2/9/07

# The town of Xiqiao, China (population 35,000) is home to 40 violin companies. - Sarasota Herald Tribune, 1/17/07

# Tucson, Arizona residents have seen small white rats swimming through sewer pipes and into their toilets. - ABC News, 1/8/07

# Scientists in Dublin have found traces of cocaine on 100% of the currency they tested. - BBC News, 1/10/07

# December 2006 was the first December in 130 years that had no recorded snowfall in New York City. - New York Times, 1/1/07

# Only 25 of the 535 members of Congress have come under fire in combat. - The Week Magazine, 1/19/07

# For every 100 girls born in China, there are 118 boys born (2005). - BBC News, 1/12/07

# Further proof of global warming: Bears started to hibernate two months late as warm weather extended into November. - MSNBC, 11/15/06

# The penalty flags that are thrown by referees in the NFL are actually weighted down with unpopped popcorn kernels. - North County Times, 1/23/07

# In Tokyo, you can buy ice cream of many unusual flavors, including octopus, shrimp, horseflesh and cow tongue. - BBC News, 4/28/05

# 383 bills were signed into law during the 106th session of Congress. More than 90 of them dealt with naming or renaming federal buildings. - The Week Magazine, 1/12/07

# The long arms of the world's tallest man reached in and saved two dolphins by pulling out plastic from their stomachs. - Fox News, 12/16/06

# Scottish soldiers are being forced to share kilts. Because of a dispute with manufacturers, one kilt must be shared by 15 soldiers. - USA Today, 12/18/06

# A man was arrested in Los Angeles for attempting to smuggle through Customs two pygmy monkeys in his underwear. - San Diego Union, 9/18/06

# Sweden plans to have an oil-free economy within 15 years. - Discover Magazine, 1/07

# Fuenlabrada, Spain has clothed half of the stick figures (used on its signs) in skirts, in a gesture to assure gender balance. - The Week Magazine, 12/15/06

# China adds a new coal-fired power plant every seven to ten days. - New York Times, 11/25/06

# The odds are 1 out of 26,239 (.003811%) that you will be killed this year by an AK-47 automatic weapon. - The Week Magazine, 12/8/06

# The World Chess Federation announced that, at this week's Asian Games, players must submit to random drug testing. - The Week Magazine, 12/8/06

# More than 155,000 American women have served in Iraq and Afghanistan. 16,000 of those are single mothers. - Washington Post, 11/24/06

# A man lost in the woods near Corvallis, Oregon, was rescued thanks to the glowing screen of his iPod. - The Week Magazine, 12/1/06

# A fireball created at the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider in Upton, NY (a particle accelerator) had the characteristics of a black hole. Physicists are reasonably sure that no such black holes could escape and consume Earth. - Discover Magazine, 11/06

# A Colorado judge has banned a couple from smoking in their own home. - The Week Magazine, 12/1/06

# The average American home now has more television sets than people. -, 9/22/06

# A California woman tried to shoot her husband in the head through the back of his La-Z-Boy recliner. The chair absorbed most of the bullet's force. The man followed his wife into the kitchen and complained, "You shot me!" - The Week Magazine, 12/1/06

# The globe may be warming, but the oceans have lost .03 degrees Celsius from 2003 to 2005. - Discover Magazine, 12/06
Title: Re: World Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:12:31 AM
Title: Re: World Facts
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 06:13:52 AM
Title: Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 10:32:23 PM

Title: Re: Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend
Post by: xnepali on June 06, 2007, 10:32:34 PM
Title: 10 things men know about women
Post by: xnepali on June 07, 2007, 10:07:06 PM
here is the list of 10 things men know about women

10 Women have breasts.
Post by: xnepali on June 07, 2007, 10:08:29 PM

    * During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
    * When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
    * If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.
    * All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
    * The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
    * All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
    * It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.
    * The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - noone will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
    * Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.
    * The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
    * All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
    * If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
    * You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
    * Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.
    * If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
    * A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
    * When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
    * Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
    * If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
    * Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
    * Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
    * All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
    * A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK stadium.
    * Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
    * Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
    * It is not necessary to hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
    * Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
    * It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
    * A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
    * It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
    * When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
    * No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
    * Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
    * You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
    * Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
    * Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
Title: How to write a paper in college/university:
Post by: xnepali on June 13, 2007, 04:27:37 AM
How to write a paper in college/university:

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee.  Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your email.

10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.

13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).

15. Check your email.

16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.

17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the
course, the college, the world at large.

18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.

20. Check your email.

21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).

23. Check out

24. Wash your hands.

25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check to see if has been updated yet.

29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.

30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.

31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check your email.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.
Title: Dear GOD ... letter
Post by: xnepali on June 13, 2007, 04:54:59 AM
( (
Title: Re: Why I Will Never Have a Girlfriend
Post by: prabhat on June 20, 2007, 10:35:30 AM
nice one.....................
Title: Funny ads ... text
Post by: xnepali on June 25, 2007, 09:07:48 PM
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Title: Re: Funny ads ... text
Post by: xnepali on June 25, 2007, 09:08:05 PM
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
Title: Re: Funny ads ... text
Post by: xnepali on June 25, 2007, 09:08:18 PM
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Title: Re: Funny ads ... text
Post by: xnepali on June 25, 2007, 09:08:35 PM
Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Title: Re: Funny ads ... text
Post by: xnepali on June 25, 2007, 09:08:51 PM
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Title: Re: Funny ads ... text
Post by: xnepali on June 25, 2007, 09:09:03 PM
Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward and lay an egg on the alter.

The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come foreward and do so.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Title: Re: Bloody Immigrants !
Post by: gigolo on June 26, 2007, 06:54:33 AM
thanks nep bro for sharing such a nice part of joke i'm really satisfied a true +1 reputation comes bro
Title: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 09:36:27 AM
Apple or Ass ??
( (

Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 09:36:39 AM
Potato or penis
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 09:37:11 AM
Title: Re: Bloody Immigrants !
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 09:39:52 AM
thanks nep bro for sharing such a nice part of joke i'm really satisfied a true +1 reputation comes bro

Thank you gigolo bro!
Title: Beer Equation
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:10:14 AM
Beer Equation

( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:13:44 AM
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:17:37 AM
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:18:00 AM
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:22:23 AM
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:22:42 AM
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:23:04 AM
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:23:22 AM
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:23:39 AM
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:23:56 AM
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:24:08 AM
( (
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 10:24:29 AM
( (
Title: funny vids
Post by: xnepali on June 26, 2007, 04:51:03 PM
Funny kid

coarse language
Viewers are warned
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: r1p2b6 on June 28, 2007, 03:19:39 PM

Let me post
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: r1p2b6 on June 28, 2007, 03:20:36 PM
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: r1p2b6 on June 28, 2007, 03:21:38 PM
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: r1p2b6 on June 28, 2007, 03:23:18 PM
Title: Re: Fruit and veg shapes and arts
Post by: r1p2b6 on June 28, 2007, 03:25:05 PM
Title: If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...
Post by: xnepali on June 29, 2007, 04:23:47 AM
If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.


Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

OSX Air:

You enter a white terminal, and all you can see is a woman sitting in the corner behind a white desk, you walk up to get your ticket. She smiles and says "Welcome to OS X Air, please allow us to take your picture", at which point a camera in the wall you didn't notice before takes your picture. "Thank you, here is your ticket" You are handed a minimalistic ticket with your picture at the top, it already has all of your information. A door opens to your right and you walk through. You enter a wide open space with one seat in the middle, you sit, listen to music and watch movies until the end of the flight. You never see any of the other passengers. You land, get off, and you say to yourself "wow, that was really nice, but I feel like something was missing"

Windows Vista Airlines:

You enter a good looking terminal with the largest planes you have ever seen. Every 10 feet a security officer appears and asks you if you are "sure" you want to continue walking to your plane and if you would like to cancel. Not sure what cancel would do, you continue walking and ask the agent at the desk why the planes are so big. After the security officer making sure you want to ask the question and you want to hear the answer, the agent replies that they are bigger because it makes customers feel better, but the planes are designed to fly twice as slow. Adding the size helped achieve the slow fly goal.

Once on the plane, every passenger has to be asked individually by the flight attendants if they are sure they want to take this flight. Then it is company policy that the captain asks the passengers collectively the same thing. After answering yes to so many questions, you are punched in the face by some stranger who when he asked "Are you sure you want me to punch you in the face? Cancel or Allow?" you instinctively say "Allow".

After takeoff, the pilots realize that the landing gear driver wasn't updated to work with the new plane. Therefore it is always stuck in the down position. This forces the plane to fly even slower, but the pilots are used to it and continue to fly the planes, hoping that soon the landing gear manufacturer will give out a landing gear driver update.

You arrive at your destination wishing you had used your reward miles with XP airlines rather than trying out this new carrier. A close friend, after hearing your story, mentions that Linux Air is a much better alternative and helps.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Thanks to original writer whoever he or she is.

also posted in:
Title: Help Desk Stories
Post by: xnepali on June 29, 2007, 06:59:23 AM
Help Desk Stories #2

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The Tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman responded,
"No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.

Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for me?"

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh....uh...yeah."

Tech Support: "All double-click on the File Manager icon."

Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to-"
Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons."
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a filing 'little picture' OK?"
Customer: [click]

Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow.

I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked.

I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow paper?"

A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the printer." On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.

And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong:

Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide.
Tech Support: "Umm-hmm.What happened?"
Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"
Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a
Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'"
Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"
Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks
appeared to be blank.
And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them
in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"

This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."

My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied:

"It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!"

After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance...
Technician: Hello. How can I help you today?
Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer...
Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply...
Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files...
Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it...
Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command...
For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded...
Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem...
Customer: I knew it!
Technician: Just add the line "LOAD NOSMOKE.COM" at the end of the CONFIG.SYS file and everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes...
About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer...
Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking...
Technician: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
Customer: MS-DOS 6.22...
Technician: Well, that's your problem. That version of DOS doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out...
When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again...
Customer: I need a new power supply...
Technician: How did you come to that conclusion?
Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply...
Technician: What did he tell you?
Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

A worker for a local ISP told me 'Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"'

Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet"
Title: Re: Help Desk Stories
Post by: xnepali on June 29, 2007, 06:59:58 AM
Help Desk Stories #1

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." (At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)
Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer "No..."

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
Customer: "I can't open the box."
Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."
Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:\ and type 'dir'."
Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.
Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."
Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"
Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'."
Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"
Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?

At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.

Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."
Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."
Customer: "What is that?"
Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer." Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."

And the best for last!!!!

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk and now my A: drive won't work."
Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."
Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"
Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."
Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."
Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"

At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.

Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"
Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"


Tech Support: "Sir?"
Customer: "Yes."
Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"
Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"

Customer: "Ummmm."
Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"
Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."
Title: Now THAT is a boring company!
Post by: xnepali on June 29, 2007, 07:18:43 AM
Title: Re: Help Desk Stories
Post by: Xteam on June 29, 2007, 10:40:05 PM
ha..ha... nice one....
Title: 21 Reasons why I am happy without a Girlfriend
Post by: xnepali on July 05, 2007, 03:07:01 AM
1. I can stare at any Girl.......


************ *


2. I don't have to spend money on her.


************ *


3. I won't get boring result in my board papers.


************ *


4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.


************ *


5. If I don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump me.


************ *


6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.


************ *


7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring.


************ *


8. I won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for me.


************ *


9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that I can't do anything according my wishes anymore. 


************ *


10. I can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family  life.   


************ *
11. I won't have to waste paper writing love letters.  No more endless waiting for my date to arrive at some weird shop place.


************ *


12. I can have more friends, as I will have more time for them.  I can blog more (;p)


************ *
13. I wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports and docs.


************ *


14. I wont have to tell lie to anybody and,  therefore, I'll sin less.


************ *


15. I can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.


************ *


16. I wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with my folks.


************ *
17. No nonstop nonsense.


************ *


18. I wont have drown in the pool of her tears.


************ *


19. No tension.


************ *


20. I can be "myself"


************ *


21. I wont have to hide my telephone bills.....
Title: Life before Computers
Post by: xnepali on July 05, 2007, 03:07:45 AM
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
And a keyboard was on a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
And a CD was a bank account
And if you had a corrupted disk
It would hurt when you found out!

Compress was what you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
A hard drive was a trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to the commode!

Cutting, you did with a pocket knife,
Pasting, you did with glue.
The Web was where a spider lived
And a virus was the flu!
Title: innocent looking yellowpage ad.
Post by: xnepali on July 18, 2007, 12:04:46 AM
( (

Can you find something ?
Title: Re: innocent looking yellowpage ad.
Post by: xnepali on July 18, 2007, 12:04:56 AM
you have to look hard
Title: Re: innocent looking yellowpage ad.
Post by: xnepali on July 18, 2007, 12:05:40 AM
well, let me give you a clue

you have to see it upside-down!

( (
Title: Re: innocent looking yellowpage ad.
Post by: xnepali on July 18, 2007, 12:06:11 AM
if you still don't get it.... tell me I will post the answer :)
Title: Hari Bansa ... in Men's toilet!
Post by: xnepali on July 18, 2007, 04:53:30 AM
Well, he is dressed like woman

( (
Title: Re: Hari Bansa ... in Men's toilet!
Post by: Xteam on July 18, 2007, 03:12:49 PM
nice pic
Title: (.) Physics Lessons!! You will love it!!!
Post by: xnepali on July 19, 2007, 07:24:33 AM
( (
Title: Re: Hari Bansa ... in Men's toilet!
Post by: xnepali on July 19, 2007, 07:25:05 AM
Thanks xteam bro
Title: 211 Ways to Be Annoying
Post by: xnepali on July 24, 2007, 03:26:30 AM
Title: Re: 211 Ways to Be Annoying
Post by: xnepali on July 24, 2007, 03:26:51 AM
Title: Re: 211 Ways to Be Annoying
Post by: xnepali on July 24, 2007, 03:27:05 AM
Title: Re: 211 Ways to Be Annoying
Post by: xnepali on July 24, 2007, 03:27:29 AM
Title: Water or Coke?
Post by: xnepali on July 24, 2007, 06:31:08 AM

Water or Coke?
Water Or Coke ???
Which one is the 'Real Thing' ???

We all know that water is important but you've never seen it written down like this before.

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world population.)

2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.

3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.

4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.

5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50%less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?

1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

Now the question is, would YOU like a glass of water or Coke
Title: Re: Water or Coke?
Post by: xnepali on July 24, 2007, 08:59:41 AM
found more info on coke and pepsi.....

more risk of heart problem
Title: Re: Water or Coke?
Post by: Xteam on July 25, 2007, 03:33:09 PM
thank you
Title: Answering Machine Messages
Post by: xnepali on August 10, 2007, 03:59:16 AM
Title: London Underground facts
Post by: xnepali on August 10, 2007, 10:59:37 PM
If you are a regular traveller on the London Underground, here are some facts which you are going to wish you hadn't read.

During Autumn of 2000, a team of scientists at the Department of Forensics at University College London removed a row of passenger seats from a Central Line tube carriage for analysis into cleanliness. Despite London Underground's claim that the interior of their trains are cleaned on a regular basis, the scientists made some alarming discoveries.

The analysis was broken down. This is what was found on the surface of the seats:

. 4 types of hair sample (human, mouse, rat, dog)

. 7 types of insect (mostly fleas, mostly alive)

. vomit originating from at least 9 separate people

. human urine originating from at least 4 separate people

. human excrement

. rodent excrement

. human semen

When the seats were taken apart, they found:

the remains of 6 mice

. the remains of 2 large rats

. 1 previously unheard of fungus

It is estimated that by holding one of the armrests, you are transferring, to your body, the natural oils and sweat from as many as 400 different people. It is estimated that it is generally healthier to smoke five cigarettes a day than to travel for one hour a day on the London Underground.

It is far more hygienic to wipe your hand on the inside of a recently flushed toilet bowl before eating, than to wipe your hand on a London Underground seat before eating.

It is estimated that, within London, more work sick-days are taken because of bugs picked up whilst travelling on the London Underground than for any other reason (including alcohol).[/quote]] (ftp://[quote)
Title: How to write a paper in college/university
Post by: xnepali on August 11, 2007, 05:56:10 AM
How to write a paper in college/university:

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your email.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee.  Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your email.

10. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Grab some mp3z off of kazaa.

13. Check your email. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. MSN chat with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).

15. Check your email.

16. Listen to your new mp3z and download some more.

17. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory emarks about your prof, the
course, the college, the world at large.

18. Walk to the store and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy a magazine and read it.

20. Check your email.

21. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some solitare (or age of legends!).

23. Check out

24. Wash your hands.

25. Call up a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your housemate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check to see if has been updated yet.

29. Check your email and listen to your new mp3z.

30. You should be rebooting by now, assuming that windows is crashing on schedule.

31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check your email.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

39. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a nap.
Post by: xnepali on August 11, 2007, 09:28:56 PM


1) AWOL Chain of Command
a. It is well documented that the officials topping the chain of command for response to a domestic attack - George W. Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, Richard Myers, Montague Winfield - all found reason to do something else during the actual attacks, other than assuming their duties as decision-makers.
b. Who was actually in charge? Dick Cheney, Richard Clarke, Norman Mineta and the 9/11 Commission directly conflict in their accounts of top-level response to the unfolding events, such that several (or all) of them must be lying.

2) Air Defense Failures
a. The US air defense system failed to follow standard procedures for responding to diverted passenger flights.
b. Timelines: The various responsible agencies - NORAD, FAA, Pentagon, USAF, as well as the 9/11 Commission - gave radically different explanations for the failure (in some cases upheld for years), such that several officials must have lied; but none were held accountable.
c. Was there an air defense standdown?

3) Pentagon Strike
How was it possible the Pentagon was hit 1 hour and 20 minutes after the attacks began? Why was there no response from Andrews Air Force Base, just 10 miles away and home to Air National Guard units charged with defending the skies above the nation''s capital? How did Hani Hanjour, a man who failed as a Cessna pilot on his first flight in a Boeing, execute a difficult aerobatic maneuver to strike the Pentagon? Why did the attack strike the just-renovated side, which was largely empty and opposite from the high command?

4) Wargames
a. US military and other authorities planned or actually rehearsed defensive response to all elements of the 9/11 scenario during the year prior to the attack - including multiple hijackings, suicide crashbombings, and a strike on the Pentagon.
b. The multiple military wargames planned long in advance and held on the morning of September 11th included scenarios of a domestic air crisis, a plane crashing into a government building, and a large-scale emergency in New York. If this was only an incredible series of coincidences, why did the official investigations avoid the issue? There is evidence that the wargames created confusion as to whether the unfolding events were "real world or exercise." Did wargames serve as the cover for air defense sabotage, and/or the execution of an "inside job"?

5) Flight 93
Did the Shanksville crash occur at 10:06 (according to a seismic report) or 10:03 (according to the 9/11 Commission)? Does the Commission wish to hide what happened in the last three minutes of the flight, and if so, why? Was Flight 93 shot down, as indicated by the scattering of debris over a trail of several miles?


6) Did cell phones work at 30,000 feet in 2001? How many hijackings were attempted? How many flights were diverted?

7) Demolition Hypothesis
What caused the collapse of a third skyscraper, WTC 7, which was not hit by a plane? Were the Twin Towers and WTC 7 brought down by explosives? (See "The Case for Demolitions," the websites and, and the influential article by physicist Steven Jones. See also items no. 16 and 24, below.)


8) What did officials know? How did they know it?
a. Multiple allied foreign agencies informed the US government of a coming attack in detail, including the manner and likely targets of the attack, the name of the operation (the "Big Wedding"), and the names of certain men later identified as being among the perpetrators.
b. Various individuals came into possession of specific advance knowledge, and some of them tried to warn the US prior to September 11th.
c. Certain prominent persons received warnings not to fly on the week or on the day of September 11th.

9) Able Danger, Plus - Surveillance of Alleged Hijackers
a. The men identified as the 9/11 ringleaders were under surveillance for years beforehand, on the suspicion they were terrorists, by a variety of US and allied authorities - including the CIA, the US military''s "Able Danger" program, the German authorities, Israeli intelligence and others.
b. Two of the alleged ringleaders who were known to be under surveillance by the CIA also lived with an FBI asset in San Diego, but this is supposed to be yet another a coincidence.

10) Obstruction of FBI Investigations prior to 9/11
A group of FBI officials in New York systematically suppressed field investigations of potential terrorists that might have uncovered the alleged hijackers - as the Moussaoui case once again showed. The stories of Sibel Edmonds, Robert Wright, Coleen Rowley and Harry Samit, the "Phoenix Memo," David Schippers, the 199i orders restricting investigations, the Bush administration''s order to back off the Bin Ladin family, the reaction to the "Bojinka" plot, and John O''Neil do not, when considered in sum, indicate mere incompetence, but high-level corruption and protection of criminal networks, including the network of the alleged 9/11 conspirators. (Nearly all of these examples were omitted from or relegated to fleeting footnotes in The 9/11 Commission Report.)

11) Insider Trading
a. Unknown speculators allegedly used foreknowledge of the Sept. 11th events to profiteer on many markets internationally - including but not limited to "put options" placed to short-sell the two airlines, WTC tenants, and WTC re-insurance companies in Chicago and London.
b. In addition, suspicious monetary transactions worth hundreds of millions were conducted through offices at the Twin Towers during the actual attacks.
c. Initial reports on these trades were suppressed and forgotten, and only years later did the 9/11 Commission and SEC provide a partial, but untenable explanation for only a small number of transactions (covering only the airline put options through the Chicago Board of Exchange).

12) Who were the perpetrators?
a. Much of the evidence establishing who did the crime is dubious and miraculous: bags full of incriminating material that happened to miss the flight or were left in a van; the "magic passport" of an alleged hijacker, found at Ground Zero; documents found at motels where the alleged perpetrators had stayed days and weeks before 9/11.
b. The identities of the alleged hijackers remain unresolved, there are contradictions in official accounts of their actions and travels, and there is evidence several of them had "doubles," all of which is omitted from official investigations.
c. What happened to initial claims by the government that 50 people involved in the attacks had been identified, including the 19 alleged hijackers, with 10 still at large (suggesting that 20 had been apprehended)?,0,1825231.story

THE 9/11 COVER-UP, 2001-2006

13) Who Is Osama Bin Ladin?
a. Who judges which of the many conflicting and dubious statements and videos attributed to Osama Bin Ladin are genuine, and which are fake? The most important Osama Bin Ladin video (Nov. 2001), in which he supposedly confesses to masterminding 9/11, appears to be a fake. In any event, the State Department''s translation of it is fraudulent.
b. Did Osama Bin Ladin visit Dubai and meet a CIA agent in July 2001 (Le Figaro)? Was he receiving dyalisis in a Pakistani military hospital on the night of September 10, 2001 (CBS)?
c. Whether by Bush or Clinton: Why is Osama always allowed to escape?
d. The terror network associated with Osama, known as the "data base" (al-Qaeda), originated in the CIA-sponsored 1980s anti-Soviet jihad in Afghanistan. When did this network stop serving as an asset to covert operations by US intelligence and allied agencies? What were its operatives doing in Kosovo, Bosnia and Chechnya in the years prior to 9/11?

14) All the Signs of a Systematic 9/11 Cover-up
a. Airplane black boxes were found at Ground Zero, according to two first responders and an unnamed NTSB official, but they were "disappeared" and their existence is denied in The 9/11 Commission Report.
b. US officials consistently suppressed and destroyed evidence (like the tapes recorded by air traffic controllers who handled the New York flights).
c. Whistleblowers (like Sibel Edmonds and Anthony Shaffer) were intimidated, gagged and sanctioned, sending a clear signal to others who might be thinking about speaking out.
d. Officials who "failed" (like Myers and Eberhard, as well as Frasca, Maltbie and Bowman of the FBI) were given promotions.

15) Poisoning New York
The White House deliberately pressured the EPA into giving false public assurances that the toxic air at Ground Zero was safe to breathe. This knowingly contributed to an as-yet unknown number of health cases and fatalities, and demonstrates that the administration does consider the lives of American citizens to be expendable on behalf of certain interests.

16) Disposing of the Crime Scene
The rapid and illegal scrapping of the WTC ruins at Ground Zero disposed of almost all of the structural steel indispensable to any investigation of the collapse mechanics. (See also item no. 23, below.)

17) Anthrax
Mailings of weapons-grade anthrax - which caused a practical suspension of the 9/11 investigations - were traced back to US military stock. Soon after the attacks began in October 2001, the FBI approved the destruction of the original samples of the Ames strain, disposing of perhaps the most important evidence in identifying the source of the pathogens used in the mailings. Were the anthrax attacks timed to coincide with the Afghanistan invasion? Why were the letters sent only to media figures and to the leaders of the opposition in the Senate (who had just raised objections to the USA PATRIOT Act)?

18) The Stonewall
a. Colin Powell promised a "white paper" from the State Department to establish the authorship of the attacks by al-Qaeda. This was never forthcoming, and was instead replaced by a paper from Tony Blair, which presented only circumstantial evidence, with very few points actually relating to September 11th.
b. Bush and Cheney pressured the (freshly-anthraxed) leadership of the Congressional opposition into delaying the 9/11 investigation for months. The administration fought against the creation of an independent investigation for more than a year.
c. The White House thereupon attempted to appoint Henry Kissinger as the chief investigator, and acted to underfund and obstruct the 9/11 Commission.

19) A Record of Official Lies
a. "No one could have imagined planes into buildings" - a transparent falsehood upheld repeatedly by Rice, Rumsfeld and Bush.
b. "Iraq was connected to 9/11" - The most "outrageous conspiracy theory" of all, with the most disastrous impact.

20) Pakistani Connection - Congressional Connection
a. The Pakistani intelligence agency ISI, creator of the Taliban and close ally to both the CIA and "al-Qaeda," allegedly wired $100,000 to Mohamed Atta just prior to September 11th, reportedly through the ISI asset Omar Saeed Sheikh (later arrested for the killing of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl, who was investigating ISI connections to "al-Qaeda.")
b. This was ignored by the congressional 9/11 investigation, although the senator and congressman who ran the probe (Bob Graham and Porter Goss) were meeting with the ISI chief, Mahmud Ahmed, on Capitol Hill on the morning of September 11th.
c. About 25 percent of the report of the Congressional Joint Inquiry was redacted, including long passages regarding how the attack (or the network allegedly behind it) was financed. Graham later said foreign allies were involved in financing the alleged terror network, but that this would only come out in 30 years.

21) Unanswered Questions and the "Final Fraud" of the 9/11 Commission:
a. The September 11th families who fought for and gained an independent investigation (the 9/11 Commission) posed 400-plus questions, which the 9/11 Commission adopted as its roadmap. The vast majority of these questions were completely ignored in the Commission hearings and the final report.
b. The membership and staff of the 9/11 Commission displayed awesome conflicts of interest. The families called for the resignation of Executive Director Philip Zelikow, a Bush administration member and close associate of "star witness" Condoleezza Rice, and were snubbed. Commission member Max Cleland resigned, condemning the entire exercise as a "scam" and "whitewash."
c.The 9/11 Commission Report is notable mainly for its obvious omissions, distortions and outright falsehoods - ignoring anything incompatible with the official story, banishing the issues to footnotes, and even dismissing the still-unresolved question of who financed 9/11 as being "of little practical significance."

22) Crown Witnesses Held at Undisclosed Locations
The alleged masterminds of 9/11, Khalid Sheikh Mohamed (KSM) and Ramzi Binalshibh, are reported to have been captured in 2002 and 2003, although one Pakistani newspaper said KSM was killed in an attempted capture. They have been held at undisclosed locations and their supposed testimonies, as provided in transcript form by the government, form much of the basis for The 9/11 Commission Report (although the Commission''s request to see them in person was denied). After holding them for years, why doesn''t the government produce these men and put them to trial?

23) Spitzer Redux
a. Eliot Spitzer, attorney general of New York State, snubbed pleas by New York citizens to open 9/11 as a criminal case (
b. Spitzer also refused to allow his employee, former 9/11 Commission staff member Dietrich Snell, to testify to the Congress about his (Snell''s) role in keeping "Able Danger" entirely out of The 9/11 Commission Report.

24) NIST Omissions
After the destruction of the WTC structural steel, the official Twin Towers collapse investigation was left with almost no forensic evidence, and thus could only provide dubious computer models of ultimately unprovable hypotheses. It failed to even test for the possibility of explosives. (Why not clear this up?)

25) Radio Silence
The 9/11 Commission and NIST both allowed the continuing cover-up of how Motorola''s faulty radios, purchased by the Giuliani administration, caused firefighter deaths at the WTC - once again showing the expendability, even of the first responders.

26) The Legal Catch-22
a. Hush Money - Accepting victims'' compensation barred September 11th families from pursuing discovery through litigation.
b. Judge Hallerstein - Those who refused compensation to pursue litigation and discovery had their cases consolidated under the same judge (and as a rule dismissed).

27) Saudi Connections
a. The 9/11 investigations made light of the "Bin Ladin Airlift" during the no-fly period, and ignored the long-standing Bush family business ties to the Bin Ladin family fortune. (A company in which both families held interests, the Carlyle Group, was holding its annual meeting on September 11th, with George Bush Sr., James Baker, and two brothers of Osama Bin Ladin in attendance.)
b. The issue of Ptech.

28) Media Blackout of Prominent Doubters
The official story has been questioned and many of the above points were raised by members of the US Congress, retired high-ranking officers of the US military, the three leading third-party candidates for President in the 2004 election, a member of the 9/11 Commission who resigned in protest, a former high-ranking adviser to the George W. Bush administration, former ministers to the German, British and Canadian governments, the commander-in-chief of the Russian air force, 100 luminaries who signed the "9/11 Truth Statement," and the presidents of Iran and Venezuela. Not all of these people agree fully with each other, but all would normally be considered newsworthy. Why has the corporate-owned US mass media remained silent about these statements, granting due coverage only to the comments of actor Charlie Sheen?

Post by: xnepali on August 11, 2007, 09:29:08 PM


29) "The Great Game"
The Afghanistan invasion was ready for Bush''s go-ahead on September 9, 2001, with US and UK force deployments to the region already in place or underway. This followed the failure earlier that year of backdoor diplomacy with the Taliban (including payments of $125 million in US government aid to Afghanistan), in an attempt to secure a unity government for that country as a prerequisite to a Central Asian pipeline deal.

30) The Need for a "New Pearl Harbor"
Principals in US foreign policy under the current Bush administration (including Cheney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, Perle and others) have been instrumental in developing long-running plans for worldwide military hegemony, including an invasion of the Middle East, dating back to the Ford, Reagan and Bush Sr. administrations. They reiterated these plans in the late 1990s as members of the "Project for a New American Century," and stated a clear intent to invade Iraq for the purpose of "regime change." After 9/11, they lost no time in their attempt to tie Iraq to the attacks.

31) Perpetual "War on Terror"
9/11 is supposed to provide carte-blanche for an open-ended, global and perpetual "War on Terror," against any enemy, foreign or domestic, that the executive branch chooses to designate, and regardless of whether evidence exists to actually connect these enemies to 9/11.

32) Attacking the Constitution
a. The USA PATRIOT Act was written before 9/11, Homeland Security and the "Shadow Government" were developed long before 9/11, and plans for rounding up dissidents as a means for suppressing civil disturbance have been in the works for decades.
b. 9/11 was used as the pretext to create a new, extra-constitutional executive authority to declare anyone an "enemy combatant" (including American citizens), to detain persons indefinitely without habeas corpus, and to "render" such persons to secret prisons where torture is practiced.

33) Legal Trillions
9/11 triggers a predictable shift of public spending to war, and boosts public and private spending in the "new" New Economy of "Homeland Security," biometrics, universal surveillance, prisons, civil defense, secured enclaves, security, etc.

34) Plundered Trillions?
On September 10, 2001, Donald Rumsfeld announced a "war on waste" after an internal audit found that the Pentagon was "missing" 2.3 trillion dollars in unaccounted assets. On September 11th, this was as good as forgotten.

35) Did 9/11 prevent a stock market crash?
Did anyone benefit from the destruction of the Securities and Exchange Commission offices at WTC 7, and the resultant crippling of hundreds of fraud investigations?

36) Resource Wars
a. What was discussed in the Energy Task Force meetings under Dick Cheney in 2001? Why is the documentation of these meetings still being suppressed?
b. Is Peak Oil a motive for 9/11 as inside job?

37) The "Little Game"
Why was the WTC privatized just before its destruction?


38) "Al-CIA-da?"
The longstanding relationship between US intelligence networks and radical Islamists, including the network surrounding Osama Bin Ladin. (See also point 13d.)

39) Historical Precedents for "Synthetic Terror"
a. In the past many states, including the US government, have sponsored attacks on their own people, fabricated the "cause for war," created (and armed) their own enemies of convenience, and sacrificed their own citizens for "reasons of state."
b. Was 9/11 an update of the Pentagon-approved "Project Northwoods" plan for conducting self-inflicted, false-flag terror attacks in the United States, and blaming them on a foreign enemy?

40) Secret Government
a. The record of criminality and sponsorship of coups around the world by the covert networks based within the US intelligence complex.
b. Specifically also: The evidence of crime by Bush administration principals and their associates, from October Surprise to Iran-Contra and the S&L plunder to PNAC, Enron/Halliburton and beyond.
Post by: xnepali on August 11, 2007, 09:29:31 PM
Title: Instructions from the I.T. Department
Post by: xnepali on August 12, 2007, 02:26:37 AM
Instructions from the I.T. Department

   1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art.

   2. Don't ever write anything down, especially the error message that was on your screen.

   3. If we ask what the last thing you did was, always respond with, "I didn't do anything."

   4. When we say we'll be right over, immediately find a reason to leave so you won't
      have to answer silly questions from us, like "what's your screen saver password?"

   5. When describing your problem, just tell us what you were ultimately trying to do. For example, just say, "I can't get my email". We don't need to know that the computer won't even turn on.

   6. Feel free to ignore any email sent from us, especially those marked with high importance.
      You don't really need to know about the latest virus that wiped out your neighbors hard drive.

   7. Always send important and urgent emails in all uppercase.

   8. When the copier, or anything else remotely electronic, doesn't work, call us.
      Heck, if we can fix computers, we must know all about copiers too.

   9. If the document you sent to the printer didn't print, send it at least 20 more times.
      One of them is bound to work.

  10. Don't ever learn the proper name for anything technical.
      We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up".

  11. Don't waste your time using the built in help files.
      We already had to learn the hard way, why should you?

  12. If any of the computer cables are in your way or keep moving, be sure to route them across
      the top of your portable heater or set something big and heavy on them to hold them in place.

  13. Never bother reading any message that pops up on your screen.
      Just click the X to close it or the first button your mouse gets to.

  14. Don't ever try rebooting the computer yourself. Call us immediately.
      Only experienced, highly-trained professionals should attempt that.

  15. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know anything about this computer crap".
      We love hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.

  16. When you receive a huge movie file that's really funny, be sure to forward it to all your friends.
      We have plenty of disk space and bandwidth.

  17. Don't bother bringing a radio to work, just listen to music over the internet.
      Like I said, we have plenty of bandwidth.

  18. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks.
      Somebody else might squeeze their one-page document into the queue.

  19. When an I.T. person is carrying heavy equipment, worth thousands of dollars,
      that's the best time to ask why your screen saver quit working.

  20. Don't bother to tell us when you move computer equipment around on your own.
      We certainly don't need to keep track of those things.

  21. Your computer case makes a great flat surface for sitting drinks or potted plants on.

  22. Do whatever you can to cover up those ugly open air slots in the computer and monitor.
Title: The top 100 reasons it's great to be a guy
Post by: xnepali on August 13, 2007, 10:13:11 PM
The top 100 reasons it's great to be a guy

   1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
   2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
   3. You know stuff about tanks.
   4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
   5. Monday Night Football.
   6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
   7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
   8. You can open all your own jars.
   9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
  10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
  11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
  12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
  13. All your orgasms are real.
  14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
  15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
  16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
  17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
  18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
  19. Your last name stays put.
  20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
  21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
  22. You can kill your own food.
  23. The garage is all yours.
  24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
  26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
  27. You never have to clean the toilet.
  28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
  29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
  30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
  32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
  33. The National College Cheerleading Championship
  34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
  35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
  36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
  37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
  38. You can write your name in the snow.
  39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
  40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
  41. Chocolate is just another snack.
  42. You can be president.
  43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
  44. Flowers fix everything.
  45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
  46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
  47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
  48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
  49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
  50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
  51. Foreplay is optional.
  52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
  53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
  54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
  55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
  56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
  57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
  59. You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
  60. The world is your urinal.
  61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
  62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
  63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
  64. One mood, all the time.
  65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
  66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
  67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
  68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
  69. Same work....more pay.
  70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
  71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
  72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
  73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
  74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
  75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
  76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
  77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
  78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
  79. ESPN's sports center.
  80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
  81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
  82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
  83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
  84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
  85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell you friends you've changed.
  86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
  87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
  88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
  89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
  90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
  92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
  93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
  94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
  96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
  97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
  98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
  99. Baywatch
 100. There is always a game on somewhere.
Title: Rules for Women (by men)
Post by: xnepali on August 13, 2007, 10:14:11 PM
Rules for Women (by men)

   1. SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister.
   2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.
   3. Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further than the Gap, J. Crew or the local Patagonia store.
   4. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
   5. Butthead is the smart one.
   6. Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?
   7. You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.
   8. Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship".
   9. Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.
  10. Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking cigars and picking out the beer.
  11. Socks never constitute a gift.
  12. Department stores and malls were designed so that when you want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always some speakers, tires or sporting equipment nearby.
  13. We don't know anything about handbags. Don't even ask.
  14. We did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens.
  15. Even if you think he's cute, Kevin Costner can't act.
  16. Of course, neither can Elle McPherson, but she had the good sense to do "Sirens" rather than "Waterworld."
  17. Curley is the bald one.
  18. Compromise does not mean that we abandon our position in favor of yours.
  19. Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than Cosmopolitan. Just accept that.
  20. It's in neither your interest nor ours to take the Quiz together.
  21. Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo Vaughn, Cal Ripken, David Robinson, Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Farley, don't expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi Wolf or your mother are up to.
  22. Sex on a weeknight is generally welcome. Three hours of post-coital conversation is not.
  23. Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets to a ball game are even better.
  24. No, you can't have the remote control.
  25. If you must take us with you into Victoria's Secret, never, ever leave us alone. All the old fat ladies make mean faces at us and only add to our discomfort.
Title: Why It's Great to Be a Guy
Post by: xnepali on August 13, 2007, 10:15:23 PM
Why It's Great to Be a Guy

    * Phone conversations last 30 seconds
    * You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
    * A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
    * Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
    * You can open all your own jars
    * Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight
    * When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying
    * You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go
    * You can go to the bathroom alone
    * Your last name stays put
    * You can leave a hotel room bed unmade
    * You can kill your own food
    * The garage is all yours
    * You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
    * You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment"
    * You never have to clean the toilet
    * You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
    * Wedding plans take care of themselves
    * If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend
    * Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3
    * None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
    * You don't have to shave below your neck
    * You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night
    * If you're 34 and single, no one notices
    * Chocolate is just another snack
    * You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
    * Flowers fix everything (or duct tape)
    * You never have to worry about other's feelings
    * Three pair of shoes are more than enough
    * You can say anything and not worry about what people think
    * You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
    * Car mechanics tell you the truth
    * You don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut
    * You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking "He must be mad at me"
    * One mood, all the time
    * You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him
    * Same work...more pay
    * Gray hair and wrinkles add character
    * Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks
    * You don't care if someone is talking behind your back
    * You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's
    * If you retain water, it is in a canteen
    * The remote is yours and yours alone
    * You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom
    * If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed
    * If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies
    * The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected
    * If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room
    * New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
    * You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny
Title: 10 Tested Ways To Get Rid Of Your Irritating Girlfriend
Post by: xnepali on August 17, 2007, 05:49:43 AM
Title: The husband store
Post by: xnepali on August 17, 2007, 05:57:19 AM
Post by: xnepali on September 20, 2007, 10:51:23 AM

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Fred,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over I know you would dig the plot for me.

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden! That's where I buried the BODIES!

At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Title: Engineering Students
Post by: xnepali on September 20, 2007, 10:56:16 AM
Engineering Students

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Title: World's Best Resignation Letter?
Post by: xnepali on September 20, 2007, 10:58:41 AM

Dear Mr. Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during our commission of duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to your employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" as it is explained to you for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You wander around the building all day, shiftlessly seeking fault in others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however, I have a few parting thoughts:


      When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation as I have consistently performed my duties and even more. The most you can say to hurt me is, "I prefer not to comment." To keep you honest, I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

      I have all the passwords to every account on the system and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I will publish your "Favorites," which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not viewed favorably by the university administrations.

      When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mother's b-day," you neglected to mention that you were going to take nude pictures of yourself in the mirror. Then, like the techno-moron you are, you forgot to erase them. Suffice it to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle. I assure you that those photos are being kept in safe places pending your authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (And, for once, would you please try to use spellcheck? I hate correcting your mistakes.)

I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody and all of your twisted little repugnant obsessions will become public knowledge. Never f*ck with your systems administrator, Mr. Baker! They know what you do with all that free time!



David Blocker

Network Administrator
Post by: gigolo on September 21, 2007, 12:45:21 AM
a nice idea i must say and funny too
Post by: Xteam on September 22, 2007, 06:51:47 PM
nice post thank you
Title: If I Had My Life To Live Over!
Post by: xnepali on September 24, 2007, 05:43:54 AM
If I Had My Life To Live Over!

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.  I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching TV - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later.  Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love yous"...more "I'm sorrys"...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it...and never give it back.

by: Erma Bombeck
Title: Paris Hilton Screwing By The Pool
Post by: xnepali on September 27, 2007, 11:44:24 PM
Nothing dirty about it!!

( (

ha ha ha
Title: Re: Paris Hilton Screwing By The Pool
Post by: Xteam on September 29, 2007, 02:21:36 AM
nice one
Title: ..........Meaning of M.P........
Post by: Xteam on September 29, 2007, 04:40:38 AM
Meaning of M.P

Title: Beauty of Math!
Post by: xnepali on October 03, 2007, 04:33:06 AM
Beauty of Math!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321
Title: Re: Beauty of Math!
Post by: xnepali on October 03, 2007, 04:35:51 AM
I don't believe it but still it is smart ....


From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%. How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:



Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.


H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K

8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%


K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E

11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%


A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E

1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:


12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top! It's up to you if you share this with your friends & loved ones just the way I did.
Title: What does your country mean ?
Post by: xnepali on October 03, 2007, 04:40:25 AM
Let me start with Nepal

Never Ending Peace And Love ... ... I hope we still can dream!

(Please Indian Friends!)


Title: Re: What does your country mean ?
Post by: xnepali on October 03, 2007, 04:40:52 AM
Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.

I Trust And Love You.

Love Is Beautiful; You Also.

Friendships Remain And Never Can End.

Come Here?.. I Need Affection.

Between Us, Remember Me Always.

Never Ever Part As Lovers.

I Nearly Died In Adoration.

Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.

Cute And Naughty Action that developed into attraction
Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity.
Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!
May All Nights Inspire Love Always.

Phorget (Forget) Everyone... Remember Us.

Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.
Title: Top reasons why ladies today are still SINGLE..
Post by: xnepali on October 03, 2007, 04:44:21 AM
Top reasons why ladies today are still SINGLE..

Ladies Version:

   1. The nice men are ugly.
   2. The handsome men are not nice.
   3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
   4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
   5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
   6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
   7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
   8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
   9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
  10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!
  11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.
Title: 9/11 and eleven
Post by: xnepali on October 03, 2007, 04:59:07 AM

1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters. (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993)
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers. 6 + 5 = 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 =11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.

Sheer coincidence..?

Read on and make up your own mind:

1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.
2 + 5 + 4 = 11
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.

Title: Re: 9/11 and eleven
Post by: xnepali on October 03, 2007, 04:59:44 AM
Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognized symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Koran, the Islamic holy book:

"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."

That verse is number 9.11 of the Koran.
Title: Re: 9/11 and eleven
Post by: xnepali on October 03, 2007, 05:00:25 AM
Title: Re: 9/11 and eleven
Post by: gigolo on October 04, 2007, 01:11:14 AM
danger plane ko sign audo rahecha
Title: Re: 9/11 and eleven
Post by: xnepali on October 04, 2007, 02:45:43 AM
Some people simply have lot of free time to compile such things !!

Title: Re: 9/11 and eleven
Post by: Xteam on October 04, 2007, 10:22:32 PM
khatra rahichha...thank you nep
Title: Things I've learned on movies and TV.
Post by: xnepali on October 07, 2007, 08:39:16 AM
Things I've learned on movies and TV.

By elpaquilloloco

1. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
2. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home,
3. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. That will finish in a sex scene.
5. If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphaous underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.
6. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
7. If someone says, "I'll be right back", they won't.
8. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say: "Enter Password Now".
9. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit. In addition, every front door can be opened from the outside without having to use a key.
10. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
11. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
13. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head.
14. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
15. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
16. Any bullet from a handgun has enough force to throw a full-grown man ten feet back.
17. Characters will always find a parking space right in front of the building they're going to even in a large metropolitan city where parking is basically impossible.
18. Characters at a bar or at a restaurant table will always get the attention of a server at the exact moment they need to order.
19. When a gift/present is given, the top is wrapped separately from the rest of the box and it lifts straight off so that there is never any ripping or fumbling with wrapping paper.
20. A chase scene on foot in a city always has a shot of one of the characters running into the street, nearly being hit by a car screeching to a halt at which point the driver flails his arm out the window and yells an expletive.
21. Anytime a character in an awful rush confronts another character curious about his predicament, the first one says, "There's no time to explain," and then explains anyway.
22. No matter how slow zombies walk they will always catch up.
23. The bad guy will always throw his gun at you to indicate he has run out of bullets.
24. A candle or table lamp can light a whole room and at night time, it's blue.
25. If the main guy is in love with the main girl, he will always get her in the end, even if she's married. If she is married, her husband will always say "oh well, if it makes you happy"... and he'll never go to beat the crap out of the other guy.
26. If you are in a film, it is easy for you to master the skill of controling any vehicle you need, weather it be landing a plane, for example.
27. Everybody when needing a computer can type supper fast and never need to hit the space bar!
28. Computers never freeze or crash, unlike in the real world.
29. The computers have super duper graphics programes which can zoom into blurs in fotos to make them super clear!
30. The best way to get laid is to put on some slow jazz music.
31. Everytime the "hero" is sneeking into the bad guy's room, checking secret files on the computer:
    1a. The password is already typed in.
    1b. The password is very simple.
    2. There appears a very slow bar saying "copying", "deleting" or "printing" and it is finished just before the bad guy, the security guard or the mexican cleaner comes in.
    3. In addition to your non-booting computer, they are also turned off in a flash.
    4. All the characters, even the blonde bimbo's put in to lure us to the cinema, became all-knowing super-mega-nerds once behind a computer. They always know what to do and how to avoid things.
32. Good guys never panic, they stay cool at point black range, and bluff their way out with the "you could surely use me in your plan" crap.
33. Heavy guns, for example on helicopters, cause cosmetic damage to the hero's transport, but one bullet makes the chopper blow up.
34. Text appearing on a computer monitor appears letter by letter and making a sound as if it was produced by a typewriter.
35. You can find whatever you want on the net in a matter of seconds.
36. If in a battle scene a bad guy actually manages to shoot a good guy, the good guy's friend has the time to listen to his friend's dying speech. Once dead, the friend stands up and shoots the correct bad guy (amongst a whole host of bad guys). The bad guy has apparently been sitting around just waiting to be shot!!
37. No Australian movie is complete without one of this:
    1. A Kangaroo.
    2. A Boomerang.
    3. Ayers Rock.
    4. A Koala.
    5. All of the above.
38. When someone uses a TV remote it makes a clicking sound that is impossible to replicate by existing remotes.
39. When gunfire erupts in public places and cops respond instantly to it, they're usally killed by the first shots.
40. When gunfire erupts in public, where there are no cops, they take forever to arrive, but they can still chase the gunmen.
41. Detectives can watch a drug deal (carried out furtively in a shop doorway) go down from a distance of five yards away by the simple expedient of sitting in a car with a newspaper raised to eye level.
42. Cats always make a noise. If someone is creeping into a house and is momentarily scared by a cat, it always has to meow before running off.
43. A woman being chased by a murderer will always fall over, either because she's running in stilettos or is ridiculously clumsy.
44. Serial killers never just die... they will remain still for ages so that the hero is fooled and walks right past them... at which point the killer grabs their ankle and then keeps fighting.
45. It is possible to drive safely for long periods with your head turned completely away from the road ahead, either in conversation or looking at a map.
46. People brush their teeth before eating breakfast but not afterwards, at which point they run out the door with a piece of toast in their mouth.
47. Aussie accents in American films always sound like a mix of Cockney, South African and New Zealander. And they say things like "Streuth!" and "Blimey!"
48. The bad guy's sexy girl will try to seduce the good guy, then when that fails will beat him up using martial arts. That while wearing skintight leather, lycra and stilettos.
49. Women can never find their car keys while being pursued by a killer. Once they do find them, it takes them ages to fumble the keys into the ignition, giving the killer enough time to reach the car and pound on the window.
50. Somehow cars take several turns of the key to start but only when someone is chasing you.
51. Every bad guy knows how to tie really complicated knots... which somehow the good guy manages to untie.
52. A person investigating strange noises in their house always finds that the lights don't work, then stumble around in the dark rather than getting a torch. At least one of the noises they hear will turn out to be made by a cat.
53. When a cat eats a fish, it leaves the skeleton perfectly reserved and intact.
54. Dogs always bark at ghosts.
55. Vicious guard dogs can be easily distracted with a piece of steak.
56. Mice can somehow fashion a perfectly semi-circular entrance to their dwelling.
57. A small goat is capable of propelling a fully grown man through the air by butting him in the ass with it's horns.
58. Many animals, when they consume alcohol, will take on human drunken characteristics, usually to the sound of a trombone being played.
59. Anytime a person is expecting a bad guy to jump out at them, often they'll sigh in relief when it's just the cat, or the wind, or a tree branch against the window. But as soon as they let their guard down and laugh at their "silliness", they're going to be attacked by the bad guy that really was there after all.
60. When someone puts a baby down to bed, that baby coos and smiles, and then just goes right off to sleep. It's amazing.
61. If someone jumps off a bridge into a river, lake, etcetera, the water will always be deep enough to keep them from getting hurt. But when a bad guy falls from a river, he/she's good as gone.
62. Police officers never wait for back-up.
63. The only time people do say hello on the telephone is when it turns to be the bad guy on the other end of line calling to torment them.
64. Bad things usually happen to women who are alone in the house on stormy nights.
65. If you are driving somewhere on any other route other than a city roadway, you will probably have that road all to yourself and will not pass or be passed by another vehicle.
66. In the movies everyone seems to have some odd "L shaped" sheets on their beds able to cover a woman up to her neck and her partner up to his waste.
67. Being around a bomb causes time to slow down.
68. Bad guys die instantly, good guys die slowly.
69. When the good guy is being attacked by a gang, they will run at him one at a time while the rest stay (in the case of ninjas, dance) around in a menacing manner, allowing him to kick all of their asses by the time the scene is over.
70. Most of police investigations will require at least one visit to a strip club.
71. You can jump from a tall building and land on mattresses, a pile of boxes, or a dumpster full of garbage and, though you might groan and be a little slow getting up, you will not sustain any serious injury.
72. It's very easy to fool the security guards at highly top secret government institutions.
73. It's very easy for a computer hacker to break a security code and find just the information he's looking for in less than a minute.
74. If you're a criminal mastermind, you cannot just shoot the hero in the back, you have to tie him up and wait for some diabolical machine to finish the hero off and you can't wait around to make sure it works, which allows the hero a chance to escape, which he always does because apparently no bad guy ever got his knot tying badge in the boy scouts.
75. When an ugly girl takes off her glasses, gets a haircut, and puts on nice clothes she is suddenly very hot.
76. No matter who you are calling, no matter what time you are making the call, the person you're calling will always answer the phone, usually after only one or two rings. Of course, this assumes you aren't running from a killer while trying to make a call on a cell phone, in which case there is a 100% chance that either the battery will be dead or you won't be able to get a signal.
77. Whenever you put on a seatbelt, you will get into an accident.
78. The good guy always has the cooler cell phone.
79. If you chase someone through a park you will never step in dog poop or chewing gum, but you will always step on someone's picnic.
78. No matter how crowded the bar is, there are always extra stools available right in front of a bartender who is just standing there waiting for someone to order.
80. People who oversleep and get woken up by phone calls go straight to work without making the bed, but when they get home at night, their bed is made.
81. People in movies rarely have to shave, and whenever a guy does shave, he will be interrupted while half finished, and will wipe the remaining shaving cream off with a towel. Of course, even the part he didn't get to shave will be perfectly smooth.
82. When a good guy enters a house, he/she will avoid every shot of machine gun fire while killing a lot of bad guys. He/she doesn't need to reload his pistol until he runs out of ammo, which coincidentially happens when the main bad guy appears, at which point he fights him/her hand to hand.
83. In battle, a normal peon soldier is shot with one bullet and instantly drops dead to the ground, while the protagonist in said battle can be shot in various places by multiple shooters, and survive with a few bandages and a cast.
84. It doesn't matter who you call, if they choose not to answer their phone you will get their voicemail in less than 1.5 rings.
85. A devious villain will immediately shoot a non-important character whenever needed without hesitation. However when he finally has the chance to kill the hero seeking to craft his doom, he will undoubtedly hold a firearm trained on said protagonist for at least 90 seconds while performing a well-written soliliquoy. This delay is all the hero needs to escape.
86. When a woman is being pursued by a scary serial killer that she knows is in her house, she will always run upstairs instead of out of the house.
87. You can break into any house or door with a credit card.
88. The bad guy will always tell the good guy every detail about his masterplan instead of just shooting him.
89. Whenever a guy and a girl hop into a bed together in three seconds the girl will start moaning and will be close to climaxing. Plus the guy will always put a minimal effort, after all she will still be screaming and moaning away.
90. When someone has stopped breathing and has no pulse, simply breathing into her mouth twice and looking extremely distressed while screaming "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" will bring her back to life immediately.
91. In a TV episode where someone will probaly die, there's always an extra character that no one has ever seen before to kill him.
92. Aliens will always have more advanced techonology than us.
93. When you turn on the tv, the news will always be on.
94. People never obey warnings.
95. There's always a corrupt police officer.
96. Movie theatres and drive-ins only show classic horror movies.
98. If you meet a member of the opposite sex, and you both hate each other... don't worry... you'll eventually fall in love with each other.
99. Major disasters always happen in New York.
100. The President is always very considerate and well-spoken. Not to mention he always is able to fly a jet fighter when needed.
Post by: xnepali on October 07, 2007, 08:41:00 AM


1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull
the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling
the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than
being up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6.The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep
the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided
with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great'
landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to
make all of them yourself.

10. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking
about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.
Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide
out in clouds.

11. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the
number of take-offs you've made.

12. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.
Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

13. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience.
The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag
of luck.

14. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

15. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round
and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger
compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

16. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going
hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour,
the ground has yet to lose.

17. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the
experience usually comes from bad judgment.

18. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as
much as possible.

19. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

20. Remember: gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's
a law that is not subject to repeal.

21. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above
you, a runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
Title: Let's get married
Post by: xnepali on October 07, 2007, 08:41:51 AM

Let's get married


"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming."
-Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."
-Kirsten, age 10


"Twenty three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then."
- Camille, age 10

"No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married."
- Freddie, age 6


"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people."
-Eddie, 6

"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids."
-Derrick, age 8


"Both don't want no more kids."
-Lori, age 8


"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8.

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
-Martin, age 10


"I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns."
-Craig, age 9


"When they're rich."
-Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that."
-Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do."
-Howard, age 8


"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them."
-Anita, 9

"Single is better, for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper changing."
-Kirsten, age 10


"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?"
-Kelvin, age 8

"You can be sure of one thing the boys would come chasing after us just the same as they do now."
-Roberta, age 7


"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
-Ricky, age 10

Title: It's Good to Be a Man!
Post by: xnepali on October 07, 2007, 08:42:15 AM

It's Good to Be a Man!

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too "yucky."

Same work...more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: "He must be mad at me."

You don't mooch off other's desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 45 minutes.

Damn it's good to be a man.
Title: Warning Signs
Post by: xnepali on October 07, 2007, 08:44:10 AM
Title: Stupid Things To Just Avoid Saying
Post by: xnepali on October 07, 2007, 08:45:56 AM
If You Can't Pronounce It, Don't Try (and this means us, too):

    * "NUKE-you-ler" instead of nuclear
    * "WOOwul" instead of rural
    * "fee-NAHL-ph-THuh-leen" instead of  phenolphthalein
    * Cupola
    * Ballast
    * Subsequent
    * Debacle
    * Composite
    * Expecially
    * Idear


    * ATM machine
    * GPS Systems
    * PIN number
    * JPL laboratories
    * NASA administration
    * ISBN number
    * TVA authority
    * ICBM missile
    * PCL language printer
    * SAM missile
    * PIF file
    * MSDS sheet
    * HIV virus
    * circumnavigate around
    * ASP Page

Don't Be Stupid, Part I

    * "meteoric rise" - meteors don't rise
    * "quantum jump" to describe a sudden radical change - quantum jumps are actually the most miniscule possible discreet jumps in a given situation
    * "UFO" - if you believe its a space ship, its identified.  In fact, if you name it t all, it has an identity.  This abbreviation is automatically self-defeating
    * "turned up missing" - did it turn up, or is it missing?
    * "I could care less" - could you care a lot less, or a little less, or a differential amount less (see "quantum jump")?  If you care the absolute minimum possible, then you COULDN'T care less.  Obviously, we could care less about language.
    * "A perk of the job" - Does this mean caffeine injections?  Or are there no newspaper editors that know what a "perq" is?
    * "Can I borrow a kleenex?" - No.  I don't want it back when you are done.  You may keep the kleenex.
    * "Motorized Cable Car" - Is it motorized, or is it a cable car?
    * "Growing shortage" - why not a shrinking overload?
    * "March for world hunger" - isn't there enough world hunger already?
    * "Literally" to emphasize something that is definitely not literal: "summer is literally just around the corner".
    * "not quite up to par"- shouldn't this be "not quite down to par"?  Correction!! "par" means 'a benchmark or goal'. It's only in golf that it's a lower limit to reach; otherwise it can be an upper limit too. Apologies for any inconvenience.

Don't Be Stupid, Part II

    * "I don't know...brown?" (don't even ask)
    * "I dreamed I was a giant number 2." (the DIGIT!)
    * "Then I took another dump."  (a friend who meant "fall" while skiing)
    * "Could I just have an inch of your stool?" - this is the worst question ever asked in a bar, no matter how innocent the intent.  Actually, no matter what the intent.

What Do These Signs Mean?

    * "Fire Restoration Service" - in case that darn fire department comes and puts one out?
    * "Disaster Restoration Service" - (see above)
    * During a snow storm in Boston, it was announced on the radio that there was "...a no parking ban."  Do you get a ticket if you don't park?
    *  "The suspect was traveling at a high rate of speed"   A rate of speed(or a rate of velocity) is a speed per time, which is acceleration. which they probably don't mean, but even if they did, why didn't they just say so?

Just Avoid, Whether They Are Real Words Or Not  (thank you to George Carlin)

    * Pap Smear
    * pianist
    * uvula
    * proctor
    * clicitrus
    * anusol
    * sprunt
    * behoove - does this mean "add hooves to"?

Just Avoid II

    * "Y2K" as a matter of principle.  Become a member of "WHA" ("we hate acronyms")
    * "Hot enough for ya?"
    * "It's not the heat, it's the humidity."
    * "Pet peeve"
    * "Working hard or hardly working?"
    * "...not bad for a Monday."
    * "Cyber"anything

Our Favorite Oxymorons

    * "discount luxury store"
    * "jumbo shrimp"
    * "military intelligence"
    * "Joe's lonely night" (you know who you are)
    * "modeling school"
    * "state worker"
    * "heavy metal song"
    * "criminal attorney"

But PLEASE, Use These

    * craptacular
    * piker
    * throttle
    * geek-asm (a joyful feeling of technological triumph)
    * poon
    * cronch
    * vacwm (instead of vacuum)
    * "xing" (meaning "want to but can't")
    * recorental, recommental
    * laminar
    * Stealth ducks
    * Imprimatur
    * defenestrate
    * spleen
    * blintzes
    * Aa
    * Yoda

These Aren't Real Words?

    * commentate
    * visitate
    * interferon

Title: How to determine if you are an engineer:
Post by: xnepali on October 07, 2007, 08:46:54 AM
How to determine if you are an engineer:

The only jokes you receive are through email (OUCH)

At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights.

Buying flowers for your girlfriend/boyfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma

If you find that you have to often explain how to use the gifts you have given other people.

Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room

In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure

The Salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions

You are always late to meetings

You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling

You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.

You bought your wife/husband a new CD ROM drive for her birthday

You forget to get a haircut (for 6 months!)

You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting

You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines

You comment to your wife/husband that her straight hair is nice and parallel

You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects

You have Dilbert comics/paphanelia displayed anywhere in your work area

You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance

You have more friends on the internet than in real life

You have backed up your hard drive

You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.

You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts

You know what http:// stands for

You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys

You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts

You see a good design and still have to change it

You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring

You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it

You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory

You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep

You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)

You window shop at Radio Shack

You're in the backseat of your car, she/he is looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite

Your checkbook always balances

Your laptop computer costs more than your car

Your wife/husband hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work

Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz pentium

You've already calculated how much you make per second

You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio

Your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4.Chocolate
Title: Just Funny
Post by: xnepali on October 07, 2007, 08:47:54 AM
"Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the"loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:

M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.
Hackettstown, NJ
17840-1503 U.S.A.

along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one."


Tech Support for Etch-A-Sketch(tm)
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. What should I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it. Set it down.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my art project.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document from my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Stop shaking it.
Title: Insults
Post by: xnepali on October 07, 2007, 08:48:25 AM

Sarcastic Remarks

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Well, aren't we just a ray of frigging sunshine?
3. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
4. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
5. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
6. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
7. Do I look like a frigging people person?
8. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
11. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
12. You! Off my planet !!
13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
15. I like dogs too. Let's exchange recipes.
16. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.
17. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
18. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
19. I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness.
20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
21. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
23. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
24. See no evil, hear no evil and date no evil.
25. Allow me to introduce my selves.
26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
28. Better living through denial.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
30. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
31. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
32. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
33. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
34. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
35. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
36. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
37. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
38. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
39. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
40. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
41. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
42. One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.
43. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
44. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
45. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
46. It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
47. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
48. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
49. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
50. Okay, okay, I take it back! Un-Screw You!
51. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
52. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
53. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
54. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
55. Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."
56. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
57. Mommy, I wanna grow up to be a neurotic bitch just like you.
58. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
59. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
60. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
61. This is a mean and damned cruel world & I want my nappy & medication right now!
62. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
63. Earth is full. Go home.
64. Is it time for your medication or mine?
65. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
66. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
67. I plead contemporary insanity.
68. And which dwarf are you?
69. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
70. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
71. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
72. It ain't the size, it's... no, I'm sorry, it really is the size.
73. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
74. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
75. Gene Police!!! Get out of the pool!!
Title: Quotes from insurance claims
Post by: xnepali on October 07, 2007, 08:48:49 AM

Quotes from insurance claims

1. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

3. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

4. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

5. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

6. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

7. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

8. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.

9. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

10. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

11. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

12. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

13. The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end.

14. As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly approached in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

15. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

16. My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

17. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

18. I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.

19. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

20. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

21. I saw a slow moving, sad faced gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.

22. The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

23. I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
Title: Re: Fun Facts
Post by: uxwall on July 02, 2018, 08:11:27 AM
not so funny