Author Topic: Things To Do When You're Bored  (Read 75806 times)

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xnepali

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Re: things people actually said in court, word for word
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2007, 12:53:49 AM »
Cover Letters:

    * "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

    * "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

    * "I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt."

    * "Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date."

    * "It's best for employers that I not work with people."

    * "Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity."

    * "If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope."

    * "My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job' -- and I like your company in particular."

    * "You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!"

    * "I am sicking and entry-level position."

    * "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

    * "I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated."

    * "I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy."

    * "Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all the others to heat your house."

    * "I don't usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so."

    * "I need just enough money to have pizza every night."

    * "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."

    * "I'm submitting my resume to spite my lack of C++ and HTML experience."

    * "My primary goal is to be recognized."

    * "Below are the top 10 reasons to hire me."

    * "My salary requirement is $34 per year."

    * "I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan."

    * "I am superior to anyone else you could hire."

    * "I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."

    * "Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However..."

    * "I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment."

    * "I worked here full-time there."

    * "I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one."

    * "You are privileged to receive my resume."

(source: http://www.rinkworks.com/said/resume.shtml)

xnepali

  • Guest
Re: things people actually said in court, word for word
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2007, 12:54:30 AM »
Kids' Ideas About Love

Kids, aged 5 to 10, were asked questions about what they thought of love and marriage. Here's what they said.

Love and Marriage:

    * "If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7

    * "Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9

    * "I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8

    * "No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9

    * "Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8

    * "Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5

    * "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Mike, 10

    * "I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television." -- Jill, age 6

    * "One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." -- Andrew, age 6

    * "My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8

    * "It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -- Kenny, age 7

    * "One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8

    * "When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.'" -- Anita, 9

    * "I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10

    * "Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." -- Angie, age 10

    * "A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together." -- Marlon, age 10

    * "[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10

    * "Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime." -- Floyd, age 9

    * "Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8


xnepali

  • Guest
Re: things people actually said in court, word for word
« Reply #12 on: June 06, 2007, 12:54:42 AM »
Kissing:

    * "When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down, and they don't get up for at least an hour." -- Wendy, age 8

    * "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -- Jim, age 10

    * "Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -- Kally, age 9

    * "You learn [how to kiss] right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." -- Doug, age 7

    * "If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." -- Roger, age 6

    * "It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 10

    * "I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." -- Gina, age 8

    * "The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." -- Curt, age 7

    * "The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." -- Howard, age 8

    * (on seeing a couple kissing) "He is trying to steal her chewing gum!" -- Boy, age 6

xnepali

  • Guest
Re: things people actually said in court, word for word
« Reply #13 on: June 06, 2007, 12:54:52 AM »
Beauty:

    * "If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." -- Anita, age 8

    * "Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." -- Christine, age 9

    * "It isn't always how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything, and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." -- Brian, age 7

xnepali

  • Guest
Re: things people actually said in court, word for word
« Reply #14 on: June 06, 2007, 12:55:10 AM »
How People In Love Act:

    * "Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." -- Brad, age 8

    * "They act mooshy. Like puppy dogs, except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." -- Arnold, age 10

    * "All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." -- Sherm, age 8

    * "Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." -- Sarah, age 9

    * "It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are -- on fire." -- Christine, age 9

    * "See if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." -- John, age 9

    * "Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -- Craig, age 9

xnepali

  • Guest
Re: things people actually said in court, word for word
« Reply #15 on: June 06, 2007, 12:55:19 AM »
What Mom and Dad Have In Common:

    * "Both don't want no more kids." -- Lori, age 8

xnepali

  • Guest
Re: things people actually said in court, word for word
« Reply #16 on: June 06, 2007, 12:55:30 AM »
How To Tell If Two People Are Married:

    * "Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." -- Eddie, age 6

    * "You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." -- Derrick, age 8

xnepali

  • Guest
Re: things people actually said in court, word for word
« Reply #17 on: June 06, 2007, 12:55:37 AM »
Deciding Who To Marry:

    * "You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." -- Allan, age 10

    * "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." -- Kirsten, age 10

xnepali

  • Guest
Re: things people actually said in court, word for word
« Reply #18 on: June 06, 2007, 12:55:47 AM »
Strategies For Making People Fall In Love With You:

    * "Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." -- Del, age 6

    * "Shake your hips and hope for the best." -- Camille, age 9

    * "Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs...and don't worry if their parents are right there." -- Manuel, age 8

    * "Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." -- Alonzo, age 9

    * "One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." -- Bart, age 9

xnepali

  • Guest
Re: things people actually said in court, word for word
« Reply #19 on: June 06, 2007, 12:55:58 AM »
The Best Age To Get Married:

    * "Twenty three is the best age because you know the person forever by then." -- Cam, age 10

    * "No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married!" -- Freddie, age 6