Author Topic: Things To Do When You're Bored  (Read 77812 times)

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xnepali

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Life: Explained
« Reply #90 on: August 29, 2007, 05:35:27 AM »
Life:
Explained

 

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

And the moral of this story is: ......... Know where you're going in life... you may already be there.

xnepali

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Funny Quotes - Men vs. Women
« Reply #91 on: August 29, 2007, 05:44:17 AM »
 Funny Quotes - Men vs. Women

"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped."

"Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!"

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."

"What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse'."

"Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest."

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

"If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way."

"Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable."

"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway."

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"

"I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar."

"He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor."

source :http://7confessions.blogspot.com/2007/08/funny-quotes-men-vs-women.html

xnepali

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an actual essay written by a college applicant
« Reply #92 on: August 31, 2007, 08:00:34 AM »
This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author,
Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU.

3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO
KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING
QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A
PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I
have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making
them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic
slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time
efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot
bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook
Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a
veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly
defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious
army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the
subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large
suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On
Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of
charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I
have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last
summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force
demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me
fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day
and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I
know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have
performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week;
when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I
successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a
small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On
weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a
toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San
Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the
Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and
I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

gigolo

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Re: Life: Explained
« Reply #93 on: September 01, 2007, 12:41:42 AM »
that's a good one

xnepali

  • Guest
A Creation Myth
« Reply #94 on: September 01, 2007, 05:39:49 AM »
A Creation Myth

On the first day, God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family For this, I will give you a life span of sixty Years."

The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."

So that i s why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

xnepali

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Why do men love summer?
« Reply #95 on: September 05, 2007, 12:15:52 AM »

xnepali

  • Guest
Watch out ... Better look around before you screw someone else's wife
« Reply #96 on: September 05, 2007, 12:19:00 AM »

xnepali

  • Guest
This is why you should not buy things from street vendors
« Reply #97 on: September 05, 2007, 12:20:14 AM »

xnepali

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Men do not want to see other naked men when they are being sold men's underwear.
« Reply #98 on: September 05, 2007, 12:24:26 AM »
This is how they advertise men's underwear properly.









xnepali

  • Guest
Wanna Play piano ? ON GIRLS !!! Amazing
« Reply #99 on: September 05, 2007, 01:55:53 AM »