Author Topic: Fun Stuffs (different topics merged)  (Read 70745 times)

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tundikhel

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Engineers and Managers
« Reply #60 on: June 18, 2011, 02:14:24 PM »
Engineers and Managers

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.

"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says "you must be in management."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

tundikhel

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English
« Reply #61 on: June 18, 2011, 02:15:14 PM »

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.

Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place....

tundikhel

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Gambling Problem
« Reply #62 on: June 18, 2011, 02:18:22 PM »

During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed...

... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

m_back_again

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Re: Engineering Measurement
« Reply #63 on: June 23, 2011, 11:26:14 AM »
haha very funny

tundikhel

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A prayer - ammendement :)
« Reply #64 on: June 24, 2011, 11:47:46 AM »
An important Circular from GOD: .

"Lying on bed with somebody & screaming OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD, will not be consider as PRAYER."

tundikhel

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do you know what sucks ??
« Reply #65 on: August 12, 2011, 08:36:53 AM »

m_back_again

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Re: do you know what sucks ??
« Reply #66 on: September 22, 2011, 07:39:33 AM »
funny

tundikhel

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Counting in Letters 'A', 'B', 'C' & 'D'
« Reply #67 on: January 12, 2012, 09:05:48 AM »
Interesting Observation !

Letters 'A', 'B', 'C' & 'D'  Do Not Appear Anywhere in the Spellings of 1 to 99

(Letter 'D' Comes For The First Time in Hundred)

Letters 'A', 'B' & 'C'  Do Not Appear Anywhere in the Spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter 'A' Comes For The First Time in in Thousand)


Letters 'B' & 'C'
Do Not Appear Anywhere in the Spellings of 1 to 999,999,999
(Letter 'B' Comes For The First Time in in Billion)
.
And
Letter 'C' Does Not Appear Anywhere in the Spellings Of Entire English Counting.
"C" only Appears First time in crore !!


.
.
Moral : Everyone Has To Wait For
His Turn..
Think Of IT.

by रविन्द्र अधिकारी

prateek

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Re: Counting in Letters 'A', 'B', 'C' & 'D'
« Reply #68 on: January 12, 2012, 10:51:41 AM »
good observation

tundikhel

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New Inventions by Blondes
« Reply #69 on: January 16, 2012, 08:53:30 AM »

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlights

Submarine screen doors

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart boards

A dictionary index

Powdered water