Author Topic: Things To Do When You're Bored  (Read 85819 times)

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Humorous Sayings
« Reply #110 on: September 17, 2007, 03:38:23 AM »
Humorous Sayings

   1. In Order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.

   2. Never forget a friend, especially those that owe you--Chinese Proverb

   3. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

   4. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

   5. Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

   6. Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.

   7. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

   8. You can't have everything, where would you put it?

   9. I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

  10. It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.

  11. Strangers have the best candy.

  12. Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!

  13. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes. -Jack Handy

  14. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

  15. My husband and I divorced over religious reasons. He thought he was G-d and I didn't!

  16. Earth is the insane Asylum for the universe.

  17. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

  18. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  19. I almost had a psychic boyfriend, but he left me before we met!

  20. Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back!

  21. If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

  22. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

  23. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.

  24. When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.

  25. Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

  26. Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.

  27. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train!

  28. I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth.

  29. If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.

  30. If you dont like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!

  31. Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.

  32. DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription.

  33. G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me.

  34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  35. A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence.

  36. Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!

  37. Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

  38. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

  39. If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.

  40. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

  41. If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

  42. Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.

  43. Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with braile on them.

  44. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'!

  45. The only ones who aren't grateful on Thanksgiving are turkeys.

  46. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

  47. Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

  48. It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.

  49. money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with.

  50. Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.

  51. ALWAYS LATE but worth the wait.

  52. I'd have a photographic memory but it was never developed.

  53. I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.

  54. If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out.

  55. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

  56. If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?

  57. The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

  58. He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.

  59. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers--Joseph Blosephina

  60. I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn´t explain away afterwards.

  61. It´s funny- the ppl. who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up.

  62. Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

  63. Whoever said money can´t buy happiness doesn´t know where to shop.

  64. The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back.*

  65. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.*

  66. If it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight.*

  67. Anyone who wants the presidency enough that he will spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.*

  68. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.*


  • Guest
Youthful insights
« Reply #111 on: September 17, 2007, 03:40:56 AM »
    HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

    You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Alan, age 10

    No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. Kristen, age 10


    Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10

    No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)


    You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. Derrick, age 8


    Both don’t want any more kids. Lori, age 8


    Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

    On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)


    I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. Craig, age 9


    When they’re rich. Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)

    The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that. Curt, age 7 (Good Point)

    The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do. Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)


    I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out. Theodore, age 8 (Too much detail for his age)

    It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9 (bless you child)


    There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? Kelvin, age 8

    And the #1 Favourite is……..


    Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. Ricky, age 10 (The boy already understands)


  • Guest
Funny Words of Wisdom
« Reply #112 on: September 17, 2007, 03:55:14 AM »
Funny Words of Wisdom

   1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

   2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

   3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

   4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

   5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

   6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

   7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

   8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

   9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

  10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

  11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

  12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

  13. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

  14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

  15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

  16. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

  17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

  18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

  19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

  20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

  21. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

  22. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

  23. When you eat a candy bar or have a wonderful dessert, have a diet drink. The calories are cancelled out by the diet drink.

  24. I love deadlines...especially the 'whooshing' sound they make as they fly by.

  25. When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

  26. What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

  27. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

  28. The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

  29. How can there be self-help "groups"?

  30. Is there another word for 'synonym'?

  31. The speed of time is one-second per second.

  32. Is it possible to be totally partial?

  33. What is another word for 'thesaurus'?

  34. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

  35. It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

  36. Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?


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Re: Things To Do When You're Bored
« Reply #113 on: July 02, 2018, 08:11:38 AM »
not so funny