Topic: Basics Guidelines for Life

[xsajha]

A woman (usually Shoma Anand) realizes that her partner in crime (usually Shakti Kapoor) isn’t exactly the guy next door.  She runs but it’s too late.  Before you know it he goes for her blouse.  And if the hero (usually Vinod Mehra) doesn’t make it in time, chances are that he’ll tear her blouse to reveal The Great Indian White Bra. You’ll even see a vaccination mark on Shoma Anand’s fat upper arm.  The attempt is not to declare Shoma Anand’s health record though.   The attempt is to expose The Great Indian White Bra…

Symbolically, the Great Indian White Bra represents a lot more to the average Bollywood film-goer.  The Great Indian White Bra’s rise can be attributed to strict censorship rules which did not allow for nudity in Indian cinema.  As a result, the bra became an alternate for showing the breasts.  The Great Indian White Bra peaked in 1980s until Ram Teri Ganga Maili (1985) broke a certain ‘expectation’ barrier.   This ‘expectation’ barrier refers to a certain titillation threshold.  Historically, sex (even ‘rape’ sequences have sex value to the average Hindi film-goer) was always a product of ‘expectation’.  I.e. if a man pulls a woman close and then shuts the light, they are ‘expected’ to have had sex.   Similarly, the bra also had certain expectations in terms of sex value.  A cine goer by getting a peek of the bra was indulging in a sexual act. If Huma Khan showed her bra and then switched off the lights, it was ‘expected’ that she will eventually show her breasts to her lover.

The Raj Kapoor blockbuster Ram Teri Ganga Maili changed all these carefully defined dynamics.  The tit had never been revealed so clearly in mainstream cinema.  Earlier attempts under the perverse direction of Raj Kapoor had been made.  Zeenat Aman in Satyam Shivam Sundaram,  Simi Garewal in Mera Naam Joker…however none were turning points in Bollywood’s sexuality.  Merely hit and run attempts to uncover the breasts.  Until Ram Teri…the Great Indian White Bra remained the bridge.

The Great Indian White Bra has always been the moral yardstick of any self-respecting Hindi film.  In the film Ghar Ek Mandir, Shoma Anand plays a really nasty bahu whose power politics almost break the family apart.  However, she is finally avenged when a Shakti Kapoor rips opens her blouse to reveal her Great Indian White Bra.  The Bra is thus often employed as the moral boomerang for Bollywood’s wayward women.  The chances of seeing Nirupa Roy’s bra in any of the 118 odd films she’s acted in are zilch.  However take a Kimi Katkar and chances are that every film of hers will feature the Great Indian White Bra. The bra is therefore a fundamental tool employed in separating the good from the bad and sometimes, the bad from the ugly.   

The sleeveless blouse has often worked as an in-between to the bra.   The famous vamp Bindu when cast in the diabetic Hum Aapke Hain Kaun could not be shown in a bra given limitations of the film’s genre.   However, her moral debauchery was represented by the sleeveless blouse.  The sleeveless blouse comes closest to resembling a bra and is therefore often used to connote moral deficiencies in Bollywood’s leading ladies.  However, while the sleeveless blouse merely works as connotation of sleaze, the Great Indian White Bra is confirmation.

The Great Indian White Bra was a virtual medal that would be bestowed upon an actress depending on how she has chosen her past films.  A Kimi Katkar would have a natural bra shot by virtue of being herself.  Similar default bra shots would be the feature of films starring Mandakini, Sonika Gill, Sonam - actresses who had shown a readiness to expose through their debut ventures.  However, many lead actresses have managed to dodge the bra successfully.  Hema Malini would not allow for any of that nonsense.  Neither would Rekha whose 80s persona was too evolved for her to be seen in the GIWB.  Similarly, Madhuri gave the Great Indian White Bra a skip by getting into soft bonking scenes with Vinod Khanna and Anil Kapoor in Dayavaan and Parinda (more on that later)

The Great Indian Bra can also be the cause of intense trauma.  For instance, Rajesh Khanna who plays a schizophrenic in the tacky suspense thriller Red Rose needs merely the provocation of a bra to start killing again.  The bra in Red Rose brings back to Rajesh Khanna’s mind space traumatic memories of his mother’s slutty past.  A montage of campy sex-scene shots consists mainly of a series of shots of a woman in a bra. 

Bollywood’s lingerie fetish has rarely shifted its glance from the bra.  The panty for instance has never found as much exposure as the Bra. (Except in the case of Dev Anand’s 1986 turkey Hum Naujawan in which a panty is pivotal to the plot and Dev Anand keeps it in his pocket constantly) Bollywood has also in its blind obsession of boobs ignored any technological advancement in the undergarment industry. The Great Indian White Bra has huge straps (two and a half times the width of a band aid) with suspended conical cups that resemble mini rockets.

By the mid eighties, a wet and wild dance routine signaled a comeback for the Great Indian White Bra.  In fact, the bra became so essential to Bollywood sexuality that in a wet salwaar sequence in Allah Rakha, a B-grader starring Jackie Shroff and Dimple Kapadia, the producer-director requested Dimple to wear a black bra under a white salwar!   She however refused and disgusted with this incident went straight to the press about it.  This incident however brings to light how highly a bra shot was still valued in the mid eighties.  So much so, that a potential tit shot (in the event that Dimple wore a white bra) was being compromised in favour of a bra shot.

The decline of the Great Indian White Bra in mainstream Bollywood could be attributed to three factors.   For one, after the introduction of the tit shot, the bra became almost too lame as an exposing device.  The kink in showing the bra gravely diminished.  The bra in anycase was invariably a tool, a device by which the audience could ‘see’ the breasts of the actress.  However, after the tit shot, the bra lost its appeal.  The bra was never a measure of protection as much as a tool to envisage what could exist.  However once ‘what could exist’ had been envisaged, the Great Indian White Bra was relegated to sleazy horror films and C-grade rape-revenge plots. 

The second reason is that sexuality within Bollywood itself got more aggressive.  I.e. a Mahduri starting making out with Anil Kapoor in Parinda with merely a sheet covering their naked bodies.  The intermediate metaphor of a bra became redundant.  No rape sequence was deemed necessary to titillate the audience with possibilities.  No flowers smooched in the wind.  Bonking reached the mainstream.  The bra was almost hanging by a thread now.   

Another fundamental reason for the decline of The Great Indian White Bra was the advent of cable television in early 90s.  Blondies donning the flimsiest lingerie started strutting their stuff; satellite sexuality lunged at Ludhiana libidos.  The Great Indian White Bra could not compete with the sexual vocabulary of a Baywatch or BAB
(The Bold and the Beautiful)  Videos featuring nubile American nymphs entered the lustspace of the average Bollywood goer. The Great Indian White Bra was a poor cousin compared to its swankier Western counterparts - Madonna’s Jean Paul Gautier bustiers or Pamela Lee Anderson’s silicon-induced mammaries.   

Bollywood reacted to satellite sexuality by improvising and exhibiting its own celebration of carnal chaos. A range of brash, aggressive lyrics accompanied by uninhibited dance steps became the new mantra of the Hindi film industry.  The Great Indian Bra which was once valued as a top priority prop was rendered an introvert in this revelry of hormonal arrogance.  The Great Indian White Bra slowly vanished from mainstream Indian cinema.  The 1993 Subhash Ghai blockbuster Khalnayak featured the hit song, “Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hai?” – ‘What’s behind the blouse?’ if translated literally.   An apt albeit tragic query posed to its era.   For while everyone had the tit on their mind, the answer should have been The Great Indian White Bra.

[xsajha]

Article about Nudity in Indian movies


When Marilyn Monroe was asked "you mean you had nothing on?" about modelling in the nude for a calendar before her screen debut, with a straight face, she said, "of course, the radio was on." Sadly, Indian filmmakers and stars have neither the ready wit nor the willingness to offer such intelligent repartee. They quickly hide behind empty words like 'aesthetics', 'commitment' 'credibility' and more from the hard disk of their concocted vocabulary of convenience when quizzed about using nudity – partial, indirect, suggestive, in their films.

 

Not all Americans however, are as straightforward as Marilyn Monroe was. This writer discovered The Journal of Spiritual Nudity on the Net. In an article, Lawrence G. Walters Esquire takes great pains to convince the reader how people involved in the "Adult Entertainment Industry sacrifice their own privacy in order to provide education and entertainment for those who choose to share in their intimacy." Really? Because the visuals in the web-zine are anything but spiritual. The detailed photographic illustrations of the nude female form have nothing to do with education but definitely offer 'entertainment' of you-know-what kind. So, it is nudity at its naked best (pun, unintended) veiled with the adjective 'spiritual' to attract a wider audience through cleverly designed tautology. The Southern California Professional Model Management places labels on the nudity they expect prospective models to choose from before enlisting. Among these are – Artistic Nudity, Bikini Audition, Body Check, Body Double, Commercial Nudity, Full Nudity, Implied Nudity and Explicit Nudity. There is also a slot called Casting Couch, advising young girls not to walk into this trap because it offers no guarantee to sure success.

 

Back home, for more than a year now, the box office returns from Hindi mainstream cinema have been zilch – well – almost, but for Raaz last year, a spooky ghost film that sowed the seeds for the thumping success of Bhoot today. Raaz had a lot of oomph courtesy Bipasha Basu, mainstream cinema's new sex symbol. Nudity is not new to Indian cinema. It came into being more than two decades ago in V. Shantaram's Channi starring the late Ranjana, a famous actress of Marathi cinema. It was a sick scene where a psychopath makes love to the nude corpse of the heroine. This is called necromancy in psychological lingo but the film flopped and the audience was saved from being witness to this celluloid perversion. The story goes that during the shoot of Raj Kapoor's Satyam Shivam Sundaram, the male unit members forgot their work the minute Zeenat Aman walked towards the camera in her itsy-bitsy ghagra and an ethnic choli that revealed much more of her generous cleavage than it concealed. Raj Kapoor actually had to threaten a cinematographer's assistant with notice because the man, not very young, kept on making mistakes the minute he set eyes on Aman's voluptuous body live and in slow motion.

 

Rohini Hattangady reportedly did a nude scene in Govind Nihalani's Party. The film was never released. Later, its premiere on DD had the scene clipped. Sarika was persuaded by the late Jalal Agha to do a nude scene in his film. The scene was shot but the film was shelved. Padmini Kolhapure did a scene in the buff in Gehrai, a plagiarized version of The Exorcist. Padmini was then an adolescent girl and this could have spelt ruin for her. But the film flopped and everything was alright with the world. Way back in the 60s, a beautiful actress called Zahira played the title role in Call Girl. The posters of the film displayed her nude back and there was a big hue and cry about this poster. She insisted this was a 'body double' and the excuse stuck for all time to come. All actresses, from Seema Biswas in The Bandit Queen to Monisha Koirala in Ek Chhotisi Love Story insist that the director used a body double for the nude scenes. The Monisha story blew up in the media, where the model who doubled for her, vouched for Monisha's statement. But the skin shows did not help in pulling in the crowds to the theatres. The sole exception has been Shekhar Kapoor's The Bandit Queen which was a box office hit wherever it was released. But the nude scene was not the reason. Ketan Mehta's Maya Memsaab had Deepa Sahi and Shahrukh Khan making love in the buff for a split-second scene which the censors did not bother about. But when a film glossy went to town about his 'affair' with Deepa, Shahrukh walked straight into the editor's office – she was a lady – and bashed her up! The police hauled him up and he never did it ever again. This film too, was a super flop.

 

What does showing a lot of skin – the complete display of the human figure in the nude – mean for Indian cinema? Is it a welcome sign of cinema's 'coming of age?' Or, is it a desperate attempt by the industry to regain its hypnotic power over the masses? Ethics and commerce is no longer a happily married couple. So, the 'aesthetics' argument does not stick. The argument offered by the actress who keeps saying that she did it 'for the sake of the script/role/film' does not hold water either. And as for Indian cinema's 'coming of age', the fashion channels at home (and late night flicks on HBO, MGM and Star Movies) beaming near-nude bodies swaying shapely hips down the ramp do not exactly stand the test of the 'naiveté' or the 'innocence' of its viewers, cutting across age, sex, culture and education. Jism tried to marry sex to a lot of bare skin-show by both the male and the female leads. Vikram Bhatt tried every trick in the book – a lot of skin show, Bipasha swaying out of the waves in a dress with generous doses of peak-a-boo put in, John Abraham baring his torso and holding her in a clinch every now and then and some extra-heavy doses of kinky love-making with the woman on top. The trick worked. As this goes to the Press, one cannot but stop wondering about unanswered questions on male nudity. With Deepak Tajori's Oops slated for release any minute now, the first Indian film that explores male sexuality, perhaps some questions may be raised, while the rest will remain unanswered.

[xnepali]

So, here it is, the Top 10:

# Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs, while the Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots. So far the Universe is winning.
Anon


# If you lie to the compiler, it will get its revenge.
Henry Spencer


# Be careful about using the following code -- I've only proven that it works, I haven't tested it.
Donald Knuth


# The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Bertrand Russell


# The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.
Tom Cargill


# For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
H L Mencken


# The Six Phases of a Project:
- Enthusiasm
- Disillusionment
- Panic
- Search for the Guilty
- Punishment of the Innocent
- Praise for non-participants


# When you start off by telling those who disagree with you that they are not merely in error but in sin, how much of a dialogue do you expect ?"
Thomas Sowell


# Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.
Bill Gates


# Organizations which design systems are constrained to produce designs which are copies of the communication structures of these organizations.
Conway's Law

[xnepali]

http://www.funpic.hu/swf/monitor_cleaner.swf

[xnepali]

HOW TO SING THE BLUES

by Lame Mango Washington
(attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, " adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:

a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:

a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:

a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.

Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:

a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:

a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):

a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.

(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. I don't care.

[xnepali]

 # Frequently Ask & Question about Pregnancy

Here are the most frequently questions to ask about pregnancy. But its just a joke. Don't take it too serious. So check it out and have fun...

1.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

2
Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

3.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

4.
Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

5.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

6.
Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.

7.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

8.
Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

9.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?

10.
Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

11.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

12
Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

13.
Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

14.
Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

15.
Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

16.
Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

17.
Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

18.
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

19.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

20.
Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

21.
Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

22.
Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.

23.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

24.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.

[xsajha]

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for total quiet.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.'

From the front of the crowd a voice with a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet ...

'Well, f -- ckin stop doin it then, ya evil bastard!'

[xnepali]

12 Items You CAN'T Sell On ebay

Millions of would-be entrepreneurs want to sell things on ebay. ebay is the #1 home-business opportunity in the world right now, so it's natural that many are eager to find highly profitable items for re-sale on ebay. However, it's important to know that there are certain items that can't be sold. Here are a dozen of them ...

Some items are copyright infringement and can actually land a seller in federal prison:

1. Knock offs of music, TV shows or movies. The "bootleg" movies, for example, are often made by guys who sneak a movie camera into a newly-released movie where presumably, they crouch behind a seat and make a crummy copy. There is a large production of these counterfeit items in Asia where US laws have no power.

2. Software and computer games can likewise be copied and their sale is illegal by all US laws.

Naturally, the items above may be sold if you have a copy that you purchased legitimately and no longer want.

3. The so-called "replica" market for handbags, designer sunglasses and clothing is definitely forbidden although these items are often sold in physical stores around the US. Ironically, when attending ebay Live In New Orleans in 2004, we found a store in one of their famous markets selling replica purses that were not allowed on ebay.

4. Lazy and less-than-honest sellers often steal copyrighted material from other sellers. This has happened to me many times and ebay has a program called VERO (Verified Rights Owner) that will remove offending auctions, although there seems to be no penalty attached to the seller, which is unfortunate.

5. Alcoholic beverage sales are not allowed although a beverage "container', especially those of wine, may be sold for its value.

6. Cigarettes, cigars, smokeless tobacco or coupons for such items are not permitted on ebay.com.

The ebay rules for collectible tobacco and alcohol containers are the same:

* The value of the item is in the collectible packaging, not in the wine/tobacco itself.

* The listing description should state that the package has not been opened, but that the twine/tobacco within is not for consumption.

* The collectible tobacco packaging must not be available at any retail outlet, and packaging must have a value that substantially exceeds the current retail price of that wine/tobacco product in the package.

* Sellers must take steps to ensure that the buyer of these collectibles is at least 18 years of age

7. Firearms are strictly regulated by US law and may not be sold on ebay.

8. Satellite and cable TV descramblers are forbidden by the Federal Trade Commission.

9. Animals and wildlife products may not be sold, which includes stuffed birds and pelts from endangered species. There are limited sales of ivory, tortoise shell, marine products and other items relating to animals. This area is quite complex and any would-be seller needs to thoroughly understand the various laws before getting involved in these sales.

10. Event tickets have state-by-state laws that make their sale complex. Some states, for instance, forbid anyone to make more than a few dollars in profit (or no profit at all) on the resale of tickets. For instance, Florida law states that tickets can be resold at no more than face value plus $1. In such states, these regulations apply only to buyers and sellers located in the same state as the actual event, meaning if a seller lives in Florida, he can't profit from ticket sales to Florida events. However, if he lives in any of the other 39 states, this restriction doesn't apply.

11. Listing a catalog of items that a seller offers for sale is forbidden. The only catalogs legally sold on ebay are collectible kinds, such as an old Sears Roebuck or Montgomery Wards catalog that is memorabilia and doesn't offer current merchandise for sale.

12. Raffles and prizes are 100% prohibited. According to ebay, such promotions are highly regulated and may be unlawful in many states.

There are other kinds of merchandise that a seller may not sell on ebay, so carefully check ebay rules before listing anything. It's much better to know the rules in advance of spending money that can't be recouped.

[uxwall]

does not make sense