Topic: Humjayaga Jokes

[nepali]

किराहरु र जनावरहरुको फूटबल म्याच

एकचोटि किराहरु र जनावरहरुको फूटबल म्याच भएछ । हाफ ट्याम हुँदासम्म जनावरहरुले ६ गोल गरेछन्, तर किराहरुले भने गोलै गर्न सकेनछन् । दोश्रो हाफमा किराहरुको कोचले सय खुट्टे अरिमुठे (MILLIPEDE) ल्याएछ । अरिमुठेले दनादन १२ गोल ठोकेछ, किराहरुले १२-६ मा खेल जितेछन् । खेल सकिएपछि पत्रकारहरुले किराको कोचलाई सोधे;
"कोचज्यू, यस्तो राम्रो खेल्ने अरिमुठेलाई पहिल्यैबाट किन नखेलाएको?"
"पहिल्यैबाट खेलाउने मन त मलाईपनि थियो भाई, तर के गर्ने, बिचरालाई सय वटा खुट्टामा बुट कस्नै हाफ टाइमसम्म लाग्यो ।"

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श्रीमती: तिमी मलाई धेरै रिस नउठाउ त ! मेरो दिमागमा आगो बलेको छ आज ।
हम जाएगा: ए, तेही भएर होला, आज बिहानैदेखि गुईँठा बालेको गन्ध आएको ।
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Source : Internet search

[NepDude]

Good jokes..

Here are some more:

Hum Jayega goes hunting.

HUM JAYEGA and one of his friends are out in the woods for hunting when his friend falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. HUM JAYEGA starts to panic, then he whips out his cell phone and calls 911.He frantically blurts out to the operator, "O my god! Help! My friend just died. He's Dead! What can I do?"

The operator, trying to calm him says, "Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he's dead." There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot!!!

HUM JAYEGA comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"
 
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Hum Jayega and the annoying kid

One day while Hum Jayega was driving a bus, a small kid boarded his bus and sat beside him. The kid started talking with himself.
He said: If my dad was a elephant and my mom was a female elephant, I would have been a baby elephant.
Again he said: I f my dad was a horse and my mother a female horse, I would have been a baby horse.
The kid went on blurting when annoyed Hum Jayega asked:
What would you have been if your father was a drunkard and your mother a prostitute?
The kid replied: A bus driver!
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Hum Jayega's Favorite Flower:

Once  Hum Jayega and his two friends were sitting together. An Englishman came up and asked, hey guys, what is your favourite flowers?
One of the Hum Jayega's friend replied ,'Lotus'
'Ha, I clean my shit with that!' the Englishman jeered
The friend got angry.
Another friend replied: 'Jasmine'
'Ha I clean my shit with that!' The Englishman response
He also got angry.
The Englishman asked Hum Jayega, 'And what is your favourite flower?'
Hum Jayega replied: 'Cactus! Now clean your ass with that! "
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Dad and son:
 

When Hum Jayega's son couldn't memorize his lesson:

Hum Jayega: Have you seen an ass?

Son: Yes, Dad!

Hum Jayega: How about an owl?

Son: That too Dad!

Hum Jayega: Yes, you look just like them.

Son: But dad, mum says I look exactly like you.
 

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Lawyer and the phone:
 A newly certified lawyer had just set up an office and was sitting in his office when he saw a man entering his room. Taking him as client the lawyer immediately picked up the phone and said: "Yes Balbir, Tell Chadra Sir that we won both of the cases."

The lawyer asked then asked the man, "Can I help you?"

The man hesitatingly replied: "I am here to connect your telephone."
 

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 30000 kms
Hum Jayega wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than 100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used sparingly.Hum Jayega liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to dispose off his car.Hum Jayega replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which has done only 30000 kms!
 

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Test

Hum Jayega and a man were sitting outside a clinic. The man was crying like anything. So Hum Jayega asked, "Why are you crying?" The man replied, "I came here for blood test" Hum Jayega asked," So? Are you afraid?" The man replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this Hum Jayega started crying. The man was astonished and asked Hum Jayega, "Why are you crying?" Hum Jayega replied, "I have come for my urine test."
 

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Crocodile boots

Hum Jayega proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
 

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Where does God Live?
 

Once the teacher was teaching moral science. He asked Hum Jayega's son," Kid do you know where god lives?"

Hum Jayega's son replied, "He lives in our bathroom."

Dismayed the teacher asked," What makes you say that?"

Student replied: "Because every morning my father bangs the bathroom door and shouts "Oh my god you are still there."
 

[NepDude]

The speaking cat

 

One night a thief had broken into a house. Suddenly while he was stealing a dish fell down making a loud noise. The sound woke up the owners. The owner asked from his bed, "Who's there?"

The thief made the sound of a cat," Mew".

The owner asked again," Who's there?".

Again the thief made the sound of a cat," Mew"," Mew".

The owner asked again," Who's there?".

Annoyed the thief screamed, "Don't you hear I am the cat?".
 

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Feeding the animal
 

Once a man who was convicted of his wife's murder was presented before the judge.

The attorney said," Me lord! this man is here because he pushed his wife to the crocodile's place in the zoo to let her be eaten by the crocodile."

The judge responded," Doesn't he know that nothing should be fed to the animals in the zoo?"
 

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Proving Earth is round:
Teacher: "How can you prove the earth is round?"
Hum Jayega's son: "I can't. Besides, I never said it was."
 

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Sleeping in the class
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Hum Jayega's son: "I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could."
 

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Brotherly Love

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?

Hum Jayega's son: Brotherly love.
 

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 SALARY EXPECTED?
Hum Jayega is filling up a job application. He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED. After much thought he writes: Yes
 

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Hum Jayega's Thermos
Hum Jayega goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
Hum Jayega asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Hum Jayega says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
Hum Jayega replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
 

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Doctor's Advice
The doctor told Hum Jayega that if he ran eight kilometres a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Hum Jayega called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
 

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Thanks for the complement!
Hum Jayega: Any woman can handle an intelligent husband but only a very intelligent wife can handle a fool.

Wife: Thanks for the complement!

 
 

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Brave Hum Jayega

Some children were playing near a pond. Suddenly one of them slipped into the water. other children started shouting and people nearby gathered around the place. But none among them could be bold enough to get into the water to save the drowning boy. After a few moments, Hum Jayega was seen jumping into the water and crowd was excited. Hum Jayega came out with the boy and saved him from drowning.

The boy's father thanked Hum Jayega for his bravery and said, "You richly deserve a prize for your boldness?"

Hum Jayega said, "First tell me, who pushed me in to the water from behind?"

[NepDude]

One day Hum Jayega went to the doctor with both of his ears burnt.
Doctor: So tell me how u burnt your both ears?'
Hum Jayega: I was ironing when the phone rang and I answered the iron by mistake"
Doctor: But how did you burn both of them?
Hum Jayega: Well, as soon as I put the iron down, the phone rang again.
 

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When Hum Jayega went to Greece looking for a job, he got one as a tourist guide. On his first assignment.
Tourist: This skull must be the Great Alexander's?

Hum Jayega: Yes madam, it is!

Tourist: What about this small one?

Hum Jayega: Oh! that was when he was only a kid.
 

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Chicken and Egg:

Friend: I just wonder how a chick hatches out of an egg!

Hum Jayega: I too, but I am more surprised as to how the chick entered the egg in the first place!
 

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 HUM JAYEGA GOES TO THE DOCTOR
HUM JAYEGA walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor he's broken every single bone in his body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor. HUM JAYEGA says, "No, it's really true. Look!" He then touches his leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then he touches his arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!" Finally he touches his ribs and can barely maintain his composure as the tears start to roll down his face. He says, "See, I told you I broke every bone in my body." The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, Sir," he tells HUM JAYEGA, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in your body. The bad news is, you've broken your finger."
 

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SOLUTION IN 51 DAYS
HUM JAYEGA and his friend walk into a bar. HUM JAYEGA tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. They lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line them up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks. The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?" HUM JAYEGA explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"

(Actually the 2-4 years meant the age group for the jigsaw puzzle.)
 

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Be Silent
Our Hum Jayega got an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. Hum Jayega had never flied before and hence was quite excited although tense.
Once he boarded the plane, a BOEING 707 Hum Jayega started jumping in excitement, jumping from seat to seat and shouting 'BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....'.
He forgot all about the surroundings and the shouting reached the cock-pit.
Irritated by the sound, the Pilot came out and shouted 'BE SILENT! '.
There was a pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody was  looking at the Hum Jayega and the angry Pilot.

Hum Jayega stared at the Pilot in silence for a moment and the next moment was shouting, 'OEING!     OEING!!          OEING!!!   OE...'.
 

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Hum Jayega in Hospital
 

Once Hum Jayega was admitted to the hospital for an operation. But one day a nurse saw him rushing out of the hospital on his wheelchair.

Nurse: (Dismayed) You have an operation today, isn't it?

Hum Jayega: Yes!

Nurse: Then why are you running away?

Hum Jayega: Because a nurse said, "Why are you so afraid. Nothing will go wrong. It's just a minor operation."

Nurse: Yes, it's a minor operation but why are you so worried?

Hum Jayega: Because the nurse was telling that to the doctor not me!
 

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Hum Jayega in Titanic
"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."
Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Hum Jayega in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Hum Jayega : Two miles .
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise.
I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?
Hum Jayega : Downwards... !!

[sherpa]

waaaaaaaaaa
dherai din pachhi sunna paiyo hajayega ko jok
thakx for posting hai

[gigolo]

thanks for posting hum jayega's joke its good to hear after a long time mind refresh bhoyo yaar

[r1p2b6]

Dhanyabad Hai Mitra

[eveningpolestar]

These jokes are originally from the site: http://www.humjayega.com

Please give the credit and visit the site for more jokes

[r1p2b6]

update nai bhayena